Support For Icon Nikon

[Nighthawk]

(((((Alex))))

 

[Nighthawk]

Sending you lots of hugs.

 

[Icon Nikon]

Dancing Kittie is so adorable! Thanks you very much NH for both of them! ***Endless tears*** but a ***Big smile*** for this thread.

And thanks KP for starting it.

I do not know if I will ever be able to log back on after today, so in case I can not, thank you EVERYONE for the warmth, support, and smiles you have given me. I am very lucky to have been honored by such kindness.

May you all find a slice of peace today, tomorrow, and beyond!

Gratefully yours in PTSD kinship,
Alex

 

[amethist]

​

I hope this helps take away some of your tears of sorrow.

​

 

[Icon Nikon]

That was very comforting, (((Amethist)))! Thank You!

My intellectual brain can comprehend that the choice to like or to love me rests solely in the hands of others. No matter how I feel about myself, I can not force another to want to connect with me or become friends with me or even accept me for being gay. However, I can be willing to trust the words of others when they say that they value me and their friendship with me.

I did and I got hurt very badly, mind you I made my fair share of mistakes in that friendship. But I NEVER wanted to throw it away over PTSD misfires and misunderstandings. I went into it knowing full well that those are a part of any friendship. And the friendships that last take much work to foster and maintain.

I was willing to do that work, even while here in ICU, so my heart, my emotional brain, just can not in any way believe this deeply disturbing and unanticipated news. Now somehow I must grieve for yet another significant loss, when I was already overflowing in that department. :'(

And I need to try to do so without further exacerbating my already deteriorating physical health, which obviously is not possible as the two are so inextricably linked. I not only lost a dear friend whom I held in high regard, I lost a daily reminder of why I choose to conitnue this fight. I thought she liked and saw in me what I most valued about myself (and I did the same for her). What a terrible blow to find out that she never saw nor admired those things!

I think Froggie wrote once, that out of the impossible, the possible comes (or something to that effect)! And some, like yourself (you know who you are), have chosen to offer me their generous and tender support during this extremely isolated and disturbing time.

I did not think that anything could be more difficult than losing my son while in the hospital and contemplating more brain surgery. But in many ways it is, though it is people like you and those on this thread or on my profile page that have extended a hand for me to hold on to, especially over these first 24+ hours of tsunami waves.

So here is a thousand words of gratitude:

Heartfelt (((hugs)) to all,
Alex
P.S. Amethist, I know this is somewhat off topic, misplaced, and needs to somehow get to Nicolette and Anthony before/if I have more brain surgery. I need to know how to address my posting abilities if I have more brain surgery and my communication skills are affected again, as this time around I obviously would not have AKJ's assistance to help me see what my brain will not be able to see. So if you happen to see this could you redirect me or copy this section of this post to where it needs to go, as this is no typical help desk issue. I do not think I can go through this surgery alone or whether it is even an option anymore, but just in case. Sorry for this imposition.

 

[intothelight]

(((Alex)))

I am at a loss for words as I did not know about your son. I am so sorry that you had to suffer this loss too.

You are an amazing strong person!!! You inspire me with your fight.

Deb

 

[Icon Nikon]

Thank you Deb!

You would have had to go to my profile page to know. So please do not fret. I have lost three sons (8, 9, 7yrs) in two years, along with the physical stuff (which you know far too much about), and this latest loss of a very special friend. Sometimes all I can see is that life=loss!

Now I have typed all throughout my wound debridement tx session and determined that this is how I wish I could feel tonight:

I wish I was home with my boys, my family! But humbled to have ALL of you!

(((tearful hugs))),
Alex and little lost, hurt, and scared alex

 

[Froggie]

((((Alex)))), I too am at loss of words, sorry such a sweet person as you is going through so much suffering. You're in my thoughts and in my heart ...

 

[KP the nut]

(((Alex))), a candle is burning for you.

 

[anthony]

P.S. Amethist, I know this is somewhat off topic, misplaced, and needs to somehow get to Nicolette and Anthony before/if I have more brain surgery. I need to know how to address my posting abilities if I have more brain surgery and my communication skills are affected again, as this time around I obviously would not have AKJ's assistance to help me see what my brain will not be able to see. So if you happen to see this could you redirect me or copy this section of this post to where it needs to go, as this is no typical help desk issue. I do not think I can go through this surgery alone or whether it is even an option anymore, but just in case. Sorry for this imposition.

My advice is that you use the chat / PC function only during that time, that way it is out of public / members view, and staffs view, as chat doesn't have basic grammar rules obviously.

I am willing to accept one other thread though, being your diary. I am happy if you keep to those areas only, though if you post elsewhere and forum rules are not followed, there will be no exceptions.

 

[Icon Nikon]

My advice is that you use the chat / PC function only during that time...

I am willing to accept one other thread though, being your diary. I am happy if you keep to those areas only...

Thank you, Anthony!

I can not use the chat feature because I only have an iPod Touch. But PC's work for me, that way I can "invite only those who understand and are ok with it". And maybe beforehand I could set up one PC, invite my followers, and make a reference to it in this support thread?

I do not have a diary started and do not really need that option "if" you would allow me to do what we agreed to before and what worked fairly well for me.

In that agreement, I consented to you and Nicolette to, at first, ONLY post status updates on my own profile page. That way those who follow me (support me) would get my short status postings in their "following feeds" and then be able to come to my page and comment if they so desired.

And in doing so, I believe this keeps my somewhat flawed postings (though I do use a dictation application and other tools available to me to come as close to forum standards as is feasibly possible) out of public threads where they could cause others some problems, and yet still affords me the outside connection and support I so need, now more than ever.

Btw the way, my basic formatting structure seemed not to be a problem last time, but my recall/spelling of words, especially those that sound alike but are spelled differently and verb tenses, were a challenge for me. I just am so terrified of being both isolated, impaired, and silenced. I trust you can relate to those concerns.

Then and only after I had regained some traction and skills, did I venture out into public threads, while making sure to notify Nicolette at that time. And mostly I stuck to "picture focused" threads or "one to three word" threads, which lifted my spirits and helped me to regain even more skills much quicker than any communication therapy.

I thank you kindly for your reply and adaptive flexibility under these unusual circumstances. And I hope you will see gratitude in this post and not any any criticism where none was intended. I am purely combining what worked before with your new recommendations.

And just so you know, I left my question in this thread for two reasons: 1) so others posting on this thread would know what was happening/planned, and 2) so others could see how Nicolette and you worked with me after the last brain surgery to keep this place/community available to me when I have no familial support of any kind and have often had to be intubated.

Thank you in advance for your careful consideration!

Warm Regards,
Alex

 

[anthony]

I am happy with your proposal Alex. I would ask though that you do not go into any of the forums for posting, public, member or private, until such time as you abilities are able to comply with the forum rules. I am happy with one or two words on picture threads... but more than that, will be an issue.

I will not state what staff will or won't do for personal favours, however; I know Nicolette doesn't have time to be correcting anyones posts at present, or watching anyone, as she is quite swamped with her own things at present.

PC... Agreed. Your profile... Agreed. Picture threads when better... Agreed. All other threads, not until you are fully functional to do so please, otherwise staff will comply with forum policy.