Support System??

[sandy]

I don't really have a support system. I don't speak to my family much and my ex husband basically made sure that I didn't have any close friends. I managed to retain one friend. I've known her since we were in high school. She has been helpful while I work through my abuse. Over a month ago she had a brain aneurism, has been in the hospital ever since. I am so worried for her and I don't mean to be selfish but in the last month my boss got fired, I've had to step up until the "new" boss gets to the office. My only child, (daughter) is leaving for college and I started with a new therapist. I've begun drinking a little bit more than usual and feel so alone. I have no one to talk to.
Does everyone else out there have a support system??

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hi Sandy.......You are dealing with a lot of changes at this time, and we with PTSD, don't always do well with change. It kind of kicks us off kilter...That said, you need a better coping skill than drinking. The drinking is actually hurting you a lot more than you realize. It's a really bad coping skill, one that often causes more problems than it does actually help.

I have a small support system. I too have a new therapist, so I know how difficult that can be. But, it is someone, so don't forget that. I have 2 friends from the forum here, that are a very close support system for me. Both, sadly though live thousands of miles away from me. Well one does, the other is in Canada, and I am in the States. We do try and talk every week, or every other week....... I also have 2 close friends where I live, but they have family, other friends, and have their own lives, so I don't talk to them often, or spend time with them often either. There is also another forum member that I email at times. All very helpful support systems...... I don't have family, as I have had to cut them out of my life, for one reason or another....

I suggest that you reach out here, for a connection with others, as the people here really do understand. Then there is your own community. Try your church, or religious place that you would feel comfortable with. Try going to places that other people often congregate to possibly make some friendships.

Today, one of my friends and I are going to a book sale at a library in another town. Something to do, spend a little bit of time together, get out and do something. We won't spend a lot of time together, but it does help to break up the day. We probably won't see each other again for possibly a month or two, and we live within a mile of each other. It's not the time, but the content of that time that matters...

I hope that you can expand your support system, as it does help......Good luck!!!!

 

[spero]

Support systems can be hard to come by. I have tried using family as mine but since they sometimes add to symptoms, I try to step back from them in that way.

I used to have a lot of professionals that worked with me, but it was for several different issues, so it got really strange because not all knew what I had said to the other. They all knew about each other, but it was just a little much for me.

I haven't had a true friend offline since about 2001 or 2002, not long after I finished high school. I moved to a new place, so basically still only know my sister and her friends after 9 years.

It is hard to meet people when you don't work or go to school, etc. and support groups can be helpful, but guess it depends what it is for and if you feel you are emotionally able to handle it. I either felt a bit intimidated by people in support groups or I wanted so badly to help them, and it was hard to be there for myself after a while.

 

[sonickel77]

I'm really lucky in that I do have friends and family that ostensibly give a flying **** about me.
However, if I'm feeling really bad, I never tell them.
Why? I hate feeling like a burden, like I am too much for people. In the past, people have encouraged me to look to them for support, and then totally withdrawn from me as they've felt overwhelmed by the depth of my suffering.

I too, deal with things via substance abuse, also hitting myself, burning skin, cutting, acting recklessly.

I think this is why the helping professionals are so important - to be able to carry our pain and deal with it without abandoning us or taking it too personally.

This place is awesome, too.

 

[Lucycat]

Well sonickel, you are so right. OSTENSIBLY care. That's just it isn't it. How do you know that they REALLY care? I know the feeling, and I back off too.

I trust the profesionals, but I know they are PAID to care, but also that they would not be in the job if they did not. I don't know where I would be without this forum. You can say what you really think without fear of anything.

I want so much to believe that people care about me - but do they really?.....

 

[Jagged Angel]

This forum is an excellent support system. I do not post often, and I find it difficult to engage with others on here in general, but simply the act of coming here and reading what others are saying every day helps me. Sometimes it is a case of reading the jokes in the Chit Chat section, and other times it is a search for something specific. Either way, it all helps, and when I find myself needing to post a new thread, I usually get good responses even though I am not 'seen' often'.

Knowing that other people are out there who know exactly what I'm going through is a huge support!

 

[pandora]

I do not have a huge support system at all. We often have to become our own best friend at times to try and overcome the negative thinking. My support does come from the forum in a huge way, I talk to another forum member but she lives in the US. I have a few close friends but no family that is actually a support.

 

[This Ends Now]

I think it depends on how you define "support system". This forum has been a wonderful support system when I was having horrible trouble expressing myself. As things started to improve I was able to open up to my therapist and doctor (something that I had been programed not to do). Thanks to the improved quality of treatment I received from my medical support system I started to feel safer being open and honest with friends and family. After I got better at improving my relationships with those near me I started to realize I did have actual friends hiding right in front of me. Realizing that I could have friends gave me the courage to reach out to new people and develop a diverse range of support systems.

Building a social network is not an easy task for anybody and CPTSD makes it even harder since we have been trained to accept abuse and isolation. Everybody who is on this forum has at least an emotional support system that is safe. Getting used to making healthy and safe connections in the virtual world can be a good first step toward building relationships in the real world.

 

[Jawn]

I have found this forum to be a wealth of information and I get great support from people on here.

Jawn

 

[TLight]

I too don't have much of a support system except for two people on the forum and my BF (who is huge). I know it's not good to rely on a single person, because if that person leaves or something happens, well, it makes it harder.

Part of the problem for me is the secondary wounding and people who just don't understand. So I'm working on socializing, but as far as truly 'letting people in,' well, be very careful is about all I can say.

We don't have any self help groups nearby. But finding a PTSD support group would be really helpful and it's worth searching. Other than that, I went to AA for a long time. There are a lot of female CSA survivors. I told people I wasn't an alcoholic, but they mostly didn't believe me. I never truly fit in during the sharing, so I'd talk to women outside of group. But be careful in these places too. Sometimes it's a lot of very ill people trying to help others and usually they don't have good boundaries and you can end up getting hurt here too.

Don't need anymore hurt. So reach out, be careful, have extremely good boundaries, and remember, people don't understand PTSD, so be very careful explaining it so you don't get hurt even more.

 

[sandy]

Thank you so much for all your comments and support. Truly this forum is a great support system. I appreciate the people here who understand exactly what it is like for me.

 

[James B.]

I agree with everyone. :smile:

This form of support - posting and sharing - really works well for some reason. I guess I'd be too inhibited to share this kind of stuff directly with another person. I can read something here, or bits and pieces of several posts, and little memories will come up. Dots will start to connect in my head. Plus I can process grief spontaneously and don't have to worry about making someone feel uncomfortable. So for me, this place is a special kind of support, I have been in so much pain, and sometimes letting go feels almost like a combination of dying and going to heaven at the same time.

It's funny though, because a few weeks ago I needed some support from people directly. It was interesting to see the need well up inside, and know I just needed to get it out and share some pain with peers. Am very lucky to have a couple people I could do that with, but for sure that was the only time. They know I'm pretty stable and aren't judgemental at all. So I felt safe getting some stuff off my chest. It's not just anyone I could do that with.

Support is so important, I never really thought it was. And always wanted to tough it out on my own. But getting in touch with my pain, with people who've been there and are or have gone through similar things, is really powerful. It's helped me get in touch with emotions. This is a big deal. I think I lived in my head for about 45 years and never really felt much. I knew anger, but that's a reaction, so emotion and grief catharsis have been a real blessing to me. Seems like feeling emotion is helping in other ways, beginning to feel and be aware of my body and how it's doing, and not always being in a panic.

People here have really suffered, and many suffer still. I am one of those. The pain amongst us is pretty profound, rivers of it, oceans, maybe that's a bond. I know I'm not alone and so certain types of mental distortions have begun to decline, I'm not alone. When a person drags and claws themselves through unspeakable pain and suffering, and gets in touch and processes real pain, I guess it changes them. It's changing me. This is a pretty good support system, at least for people like me, who are just outsiders.

Guess I've still got an ocean of grief to cross, but I know I'm not alone. I don't care if the grief never stops, because this is my life. This is what I got. It's got good parts and it's got crummy parts, and under it all is a current of pain, but it's my current of pain and I guess in some ways there's beauty in it. I need to find this or I'll be lost. Not knowing any other life but trauma is hard. It makes the idea of being healed seem, unknowable. But somehow I think it's out there, maybe it's just an island with more stormy waters on the other side - maybe - but I'll take it. I'll take the simple things, it's OK. I don't care about the loss, anymore.

I hope everyone can get through their trauma, and find greater peace and happiness in their life.