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General Supporter Rage?
- Post starter Toria
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I'm an old school door slammer as well but it has the opposite affect on my PTSD man...it makes the panic worse.
I don't like to be upset or angry, but I feel he purposely pushes my buttons for self-satisfaction or to test me. Then when I am upset, he doesn't let me talk, which makes it worse. I've learned to just walk away from the discussion, but he processes this as rejection or as he lately calls it me "being a baby". Then when I try to explain what I am doing, he pulls some schoolyard crap and keeps calling me a baby. Then I really get sad, confused and upset, which is making his panic worse but he is goading me.
I feel at a loss of how to respond, walking away doesn't help, confronting doesn't help, talking doesn't help, not talking doesn't help. So he continues with his episode, and I slam the door behind him...then I lock it.
There is an episode hangover the next day that occurs too, where he still won't let me speak about how I was feeling during the episode and continues to goad me, calling names. When I try to explain, I am wrong and he is right...his behavior was apparently appropriate and I was completly in the wrong and the one with "issues".
It is frustrating and I have to constantly remind myself of what is really in control right now and that is the PTSD, the anxiety, the panic, the flashbacks, the pain. I love him and he is worth the journey, I hope he can learn when he is in an episode that I am not the enemy and we need to continue to develop a better mutually respectful communication.
I don't like to be upset or angry, but I feel he purposely pushes my buttons for self-satisfaction or to test me. Then when I am upset, he doesn't let me talk, which makes it worse. I've learned to just walk away from the discussion, but he processes this as rejection or as he lately calls it me "being a baby". Then when I try to explain what I am doing, he pulls some schoolyard crap and keeps calling me a baby. Then I really get sad, confused and upset, which is making his panic worse but he is goading me.
I feel at a loss of how to respond, walking away doesn't help, confronting doesn't help, talking doesn't help, not talking doesn't help. So he continues with his episode, and I slam the door behind him...then I lock it.
There is an episode hangover the next day that occurs too, where he still won't let me speak about how I was feeling during the episode and continues to goad me, calling names. When I try to explain, I am wrong and he is right...his behavior was apparently appropriate and I was completly in the wrong and the one with "issues".
It is frustrating and I have to constantly remind myself of what is really in control right now and that is the PTSD, the anxiety, the panic, the flashbacks, the pain. I love him and he is worth the journey, I hope he can learn when he is in an episode that I am not the enemy and we need to continue to develop a better mutually respectful communication.
LizardViolet
Silver Member
Tifanee, since when have you been dating my bf? Actually, he's not quite as bad as that when we're face to face, but if we're not together, he somehow decides that I am evil and malicious and don't care about him and avoid his calls and have done him serious wrong.
After the fact, like your partner, he will not listen to me, I have done him wrong and his behavior was appropriate. I think that belief he holds, that his behavior is appropriate, that punishing me for wrongs he believes I have done him, was learned from his abusive parents.
Anyway. Yeah, I can't walk away either, that's rejection. I can't confront him or be upset or argue when he's in a state. And he is a master at saying things that are mean.
Maybe try at all costs to be calm, or at least to breathe through being upset and to respond in as neutral and calm a way as you can, even though you may want to scream, even though tears are running down your face. Have you tried words of affection? "I love you. You're hurting me. Please stop."
When you walk away, can you say something positive or neutral? "I am walking away now because you're hurting me. I love you and we need to stop this conversation now."
Are there any times when he is good to you? Is there a fundamentally honorable and kind person under there? Or is he controlling in general? Are there other warning signs of abuse? If he won't listen to you at all, if he won't acknowledge that he's hurting you, if he won't recognize your feelings and your right to be treated with respect, please think about whether this relationship is hurting you too much. Supporters can get ptsd themselves from the wringer that we go through with our partners. You need to take care of yourself, too. In fact, you need to take care of yourself first. I have struggled with the question of whether to stay or go many times. I have left my bf several times. I have been on the verge of leaving for several days this week. I am staying, so far, because he is fundamentally a good person, he loves me, I love him, and I do see him trying. Is your partner trying?
After the fact, like your partner, he will not listen to me, I have done him wrong and his behavior was appropriate. I think that belief he holds, that his behavior is appropriate, that punishing me for wrongs he believes I have done him, was learned from his abusive parents.
Anyway. Yeah, I can't walk away either, that's rejection. I can't confront him or be upset or argue when he's in a state. And he is a master at saying things that are mean.
Maybe try at all costs to be calm, or at least to breathe through being upset and to respond in as neutral and calm a way as you can, even though you may want to scream, even though tears are running down your face. Have you tried words of affection? "I love you. You're hurting me. Please stop."
When you walk away, can you say something positive or neutral? "I am walking away now because you're hurting me. I love you and we need to stop this conversation now."
Are there any times when he is good to you? Is there a fundamentally honorable and kind person under there? Or is he controlling in general? Are there other warning signs of abuse? If he won't listen to you at all, if he won't acknowledge that he's hurting you, if he won't recognize your feelings and your right to be treated with respect, please think about whether this relationship is hurting you too much. Supporters can get ptsd themselves from the wringer that we go through with our partners. You need to take care of yourself, too. In fact, you need to take care of yourself first. I have struggled with the question of whether to stay or go many times. I have left my bf several times. I have been on the verge of leaving for several days this week. I am staying, so far, because he is fundamentally a good person, he loves me, I love him, and I do see him trying. Is your partner trying?
LizardViolet,
I think the belief that their behavior is appropriate is them in PTSD survival mode. Our loved ones have suffered so much at the hands of other people, that in order to keep moving forward they reflect the negative energy they feel onto other people's actions. In those moments, everyone else is wrong, everyone else is the problem...their behavior is valid, their behavior is ok.
I am working on being calm and breathing through the moment. This helps my response to him and the behavior, but the words still make me feel like crap. I do continue to tell him I love him and give him words of encouragement or support, but to say "I love you, You're hurting me, please stop" would indicate his behavior is wrong, which would get a negative response. I can be crying from his words or behavior, and he will call me a baby or to stop because I'm being ridiculous. In these moments, I don't know who he is.
Normally and most of the time, my love is a kind, generous, fun, and loving partner. We have good conversations (as long as we steer away from trigger conversations), and I feel like he has shared more with me than anyone else in his life. He does come to some healing conclusions about how maybe he is too hard on his Dad or should be more forgiving of people in his past, which I know stem from a conversation we previously had. In the moment he doesn't want to talk about it, but I can see he is listening.
I do usually stop the conversation if I see it is going in a bad direction, but the effects of these episodes could go on for days. So I have to be happy and ok the next morning, while he is still in a bad space. If I'm not happy, then I'm not letting it go well enough for him. It is a balance I am trying to work on, without sacrificing myself and what I need in a relationship. I believe in compromise and understanding in any relationship.
I recognize the meanness is verbally abusive and the episodes do take its toll on me emotionally but, for now, the relationship is worth it ,and I love and support him. Running from it won't resolve anything other than him feeling that I rejected him because of his past trauma. I am hopeful for a lasting, loving relationship, but I'm not naive or blind in thinking it will work out. I keep active in my own life and hobbies, keep doing yoga and reading. We will see how it all unfolds.
I do see him trying to be better, but this week has been difficult as well for me. He has a really bad sunburn on his face (his fault since he didn't listen to me to wear his hat and sunscreen), which also apparently brings out the nasty. I wonder if anyone else as a supporter has found their partner to be triggered by illness.
I think the belief that their behavior is appropriate is them in PTSD survival mode. Our loved ones have suffered so much at the hands of other people, that in order to keep moving forward they reflect the negative energy they feel onto other people's actions. In those moments, everyone else is wrong, everyone else is the problem...their behavior is valid, their behavior is ok.
I am working on being calm and breathing through the moment. This helps my response to him and the behavior, but the words still make me feel like crap. I do continue to tell him I love him and give him words of encouragement or support, but to say "I love you, You're hurting me, please stop" would indicate his behavior is wrong, which would get a negative response. I can be crying from his words or behavior, and he will call me a baby or to stop because I'm being ridiculous. In these moments, I don't know who he is.
Normally and most of the time, my love is a kind, generous, fun, and loving partner. We have good conversations (as long as we steer away from trigger conversations), and I feel like he has shared more with me than anyone else in his life. He does come to some healing conclusions about how maybe he is too hard on his Dad or should be more forgiving of people in his past, which I know stem from a conversation we previously had. In the moment he doesn't want to talk about it, but I can see he is listening.
I do usually stop the conversation if I see it is going in a bad direction, but the effects of these episodes could go on for days. So I have to be happy and ok the next morning, while he is still in a bad space. If I'm not happy, then I'm not letting it go well enough for him. It is a balance I am trying to work on, without sacrificing myself and what I need in a relationship. I believe in compromise and understanding in any relationship.
I recognize the meanness is verbally abusive and the episodes do take its toll on me emotionally but, for now, the relationship is worth it ,and I love and support him. Running from it won't resolve anything other than him feeling that I rejected him because of his past trauma. I am hopeful for a lasting, loving relationship, but I'm not naive or blind in thinking it will work out. I keep active in my own life and hobbies, keep doing yoga and reading. We will see how it all unfolds.
I do see him trying to be better, but this week has been difficult as well for me. He has a really bad sunburn on his face (his fault since he didn't listen to me to wear his hat and sunscreen), which also apparently brings out the nasty. I wonder if anyone else as a supporter has found their partner to be triggered by illness.
Pale Warrior
Gold Member
Seriously folks, PTSD is no excuse for abusive behaviour.
Sorry to sound blunt, and this comes from from my own hard learned experience, but if your boundaries include permitting a partner to treat you badly this will not help your sufferer to heal. Result is two hurting people and perpetuates the harm that was done to them.
Our sufferes are grown up people, not children, and we need to treat them as such - however ill they may be. Or, if they are so ill they are not responsible for what they say or do, then perhaps hospital would be the best place for them?
Even this forum has rules and those rules keep us safe.
Wishing you strength and courage, x
Sorry to sound blunt, and this comes from from my own hard learned experience, but if your boundaries include permitting a partner to treat you badly this will not help your sufferer to heal. Result is two hurting people and perpetuates the harm that was done to them.
Our sufferes are grown up people, not children, and we need to treat them as such - however ill they may be. Or, if they are so ill they are not responsible for what they say or do, then perhaps hospital would be the best place for them?
Even this forum has rules and those rules keep us safe.
Wishing you strength and courage, x
I agree PW, but how do you get them to see their behavior? He lives in a very small town where the closest T is 45 minutes away at least. The last guy he went to, he didn't connect with. I found a group that would be willing to do an initial Skype session with him, to evaluate his needs. I gave him all this and am leaving it up to him to make the next step.
Right now my love and I have a temporary long distance relationship. We talk, text, and Skype, and see each other on the weekends. So when I walk away from the behavior, I'm not physically walking away from that conversation, I am walking away from any conversation that day or week. I do end a phone call or a video chat on the computer when he is being mean. But I don't get a chance to talk to him again unless I initiate it, and I never get to talk about the behavior. Any other relationship, I would think that would be on the other person to apologize. If I don't initiate it, then I am not letting it go. Basically, he wants the episode to go unnoticed...forgive and forget.
I am a firm believer in everyone should be accountable for their behavior. From my first encounter with his PTSD episodes, I am gun shy to call him out on his behavior because of the response that I received. I am working on it and still trying to figure it all out.
Right now my love and I have a temporary long distance relationship. We talk, text, and Skype, and see each other on the weekends. So when I walk away from the behavior, I'm not physically walking away from that conversation, I am walking away from any conversation that day or week. I do end a phone call or a video chat on the computer when he is being mean. But I don't get a chance to talk to him again unless I initiate it, and I never get to talk about the behavior. Any other relationship, I would think that would be on the other person to apologize. If I don't initiate it, then I am not letting it go. Basically, he wants the episode to go unnoticed...forgive and forget.
I am a firm believer in everyone should be accountable for their behavior. From my first encounter with his PTSD episodes, I am gun shy to call him out on his behavior because of the response that I received. I am working on it and still trying to figure it all out.
Pale Warrior
Gold Member
OK, here is my general response to your questions. Do remember these are only my opinions, only you can know your situation. Others my post with different views, so take this with a pinch of salt.
You can only account for your own behaviour, set your boundaries and hold tight. Tell the sufferer how they are making you feel and that it is not acceptable - let them decide how they should respond.
I know I would. Ofcourse I would say something first, or try to change the subject "can we talk about something else please?" If my husband gets one on him I leave the room or walk away. He knows I will do this, we have an agreement that I don't have to be his mother.
I so get this from my walking on egg shells days. If you don't mind me asking, what response did you get?
I truly hope you can work these issues through together but it takes two to tango and I know that without both of us getting T's and years of hard work from both of us, our marriage would have been down the toilet.
Grrrr... PTSD sucks :mad:
You can only account for your own behaviour, set your boundaries and hold tight. Tell the sufferer how they are making you feel and that it is not acceptable - let them decide how they should respond.
that should not be a massive barrier. The rest of their life in exchange for a 90 minute round trip once a week? Or, as you say, on line or skype. Plenty of options, so what's the real problem? You cannot force him to do it, but you can decide how you respond to his actions.
I know I would. Ofcourse I would say something first, or try to change the subject "can we talk about something else please?" If my husband gets one on him I leave the room or walk away. He knows I will do this, we have an agreement that I don't have to be his mother.
I can't do this, I have to sit down and talk about it, sometimes a day or two later, but I need to clear the air and help him look for the trigger - what was it that made you react this way and how can we avoid it happening again? It has taken years and a couple of good Ts, but we can manage this now.
I so get this from my walking on egg shells days. If you don't mind me asking, what response did you get?
I truly hope you can work these issues through together but it takes two to tango and I know that without both of us getting T's and years of hard work from both of us, our marriage would have been down the toilet.
Grrrr... PTSD sucks :mad:
I need to clear the air too, I don't like stuff hanging out there that is left unresolved.
I think the reason he hasn't pursued therapy are just excuses. He has a really good employee right now that could cover his store front. His past relationship left him bankrupt and at the brink of losing everything, so I know he still worries about having slow times. If he can rub two pennies together to get a nickle, he would. Honestly, I think he is avoiding the pain of therapy, and he is afraid of being out the money when he might need that money to pay a utility bill. They are all excuses and for a man that doesn't like to be "boxed in", these excuses sure have him locked up in a box.
The response I get is first distraction...I have a 5 year old who is a master at distraction so this doesn't work on me. Avoidance or walking away is another method he uses, which is okay. In these moments, if I try to talk with him about anything, even what is for dinner, I get a response of "why can't I just let it go?". I'm letting it go, but his presence is still holding on strong to the emotional/traumatic rollercoaster his mind is sending him on. So I leave him alone or grab his hand and go for a walk.
In a full on episode before I knew of his PTSD, I was trying to get him to be accountable for leaving the house late at night when he shouldn't have been driving. He just got out of bed and started to pack his stuff. I got upset when I saw this. So he said he was leaving because I was getting upset but I was upset because he was leaving and not talking to me. He just kept smiling, saying nothing is wrong, but he wouldn't look me in the eye. I had no idea what was going on. He had previously told me he was a relationship runner, but he didn't want to run from our relationship so to always stop him from running. So this is what I was doing, confronting him and trying to stop him from running. The next day is when I approached him about possibly having PTSD and he admitted to it, it is also the day I discovered this forum.
That same day I was trying to discuss it with him and he kept calling me a baby, and that I always have to be right. He was literally telling me "you're a baby, you're a baby, baby, baby baby" or "you just have to be right don't you", every time i tried to speak. I wasn't trying to be right about anything, just trying to figure our what was happening and trying to understand him better. He was calling me an abuser and violent for being upset. I never touched him, and never spoke in anger. I was very upset, crying, and destroyed with the sequence of events. I didn't understand what was happening. I did slam the door behind him I was so upset.
When I tried to explain and apologized for my behavior, he would keep calling me a baby, or violent, or an abuser. He was still in a PTSD episode and high on zanax. I apologized a 100 times, and I couldn't get him to admit once that he shouldn't have packed up to begin with. I would say "I acknowlege and apologize for my behavior and I need for you to acknowledge that packing up without talking with me wasn't okay", he would respond with "stop being a baby, baby, baby, you were being violent". We went in circles for about 2 hours before we silently agreed to move past it, we had an awesome conversation after that. He had to go feed the dogs and do laundry, then we got back online about an hour and a half later. Apparently in that short time frame he drank 7 beers with his roommate because within 30 minutes of being back online he was on me again and I was in tears. This was my first episode with him, and it left me emotionally drained and questioning everything. He did mention the next morning, that he didn't remember anything because he was drinking so sorry for whatever happened. I said thanks I needed to hear that as it was pretty rough. Now if he drinks, I keep our talks to a minimum.
I'm sorry that was a long response but thanks for letting me share it. This is why I tread lightly when trying to hold him accountable for his behavior. I feel like I am starting some foundation with him. We have agreed that when he is having a PTSD moment that he needs to communicate that to me in some way. If he can't speak to me, then just grab my hand and look me in the eye. I will know that we need to leave the environment asap. It is not okay to just leave or not show up without communicating that to me.
Now I need to see if he is capable of going to therapy again and working on establishing behavior boundaries. I don't mind a grump every once in a while, but the name calling has to stop. It is mean, cruel, and unjustified...and completely unneccessary.
I think the reason he hasn't pursued therapy are just excuses. He has a really good employee right now that could cover his store front. His past relationship left him bankrupt and at the brink of losing everything, so I know he still worries about having slow times. If he can rub two pennies together to get a nickle, he would. Honestly, I think he is avoiding the pain of therapy, and he is afraid of being out the money when he might need that money to pay a utility bill. They are all excuses and for a man that doesn't like to be "boxed in", these excuses sure have him locked up in a box.
The response I get is first distraction...I have a 5 year old who is a master at distraction so this doesn't work on me. Avoidance or walking away is another method he uses, which is okay. In these moments, if I try to talk with him about anything, even what is for dinner, I get a response of "why can't I just let it go?". I'm letting it go, but his presence is still holding on strong to the emotional/traumatic rollercoaster his mind is sending him on. So I leave him alone or grab his hand and go for a walk.
In a full on episode before I knew of his PTSD, I was trying to get him to be accountable for leaving the house late at night when he shouldn't have been driving. He just got out of bed and started to pack his stuff. I got upset when I saw this. So he said he was leaving because I was getting upset but I was upset because he was leaving and not talking to me. He just kept smiling, saying nothing is wrong, but he wouldn't look me in the eye. I had no idea what was going on. He had previously told me he was a relationship runner, but he didn't want to run from our relationship so to always stop him from running. So this is what I was doing, confronting him and trying to stop him from running. The next day is when I approached him about possibly having PTSD and he admitted to it, it is also the day I discovered this forum.
That same day I was trying to discuss it with him and he kept calling me a baby, and that I always have to be right. He was literally telling me "you're a baby, you're a baby, baby, baby baby" or "you just have to be right don't you", every time i tried to speak. I wasn't trying to be right about anything, just trying to figure our what was happening and trying to understand him better. He was calling me an abuser and violent for being upset. I never touched him, and never spoke in anger. I was very upset, crying, and destroyed with the sequence of events. I didn't understand what was happening. I did slam the door behind him I was so upset.
When I tried to explain and apologized for my behavior, he would keep calling me a baby, or violent, or an abuser. He was still in a PTSD episode and high on zanax. I apologized a 100 times, and I couldn't get him to admit once that he shouldn't have packed up to begin with. I would say "I acknowlege and apologize for my behavior and I need for you to acknowledge that packing up without talking with me wasn't okay", he would respond with "stop being a baby, baby, baby, you were being violent". We went in circles for about 2 hours before we silently agreed to move past it, we had an awesome conversation after that. He had to go feed the dogs and do laundry, then we got back online about an hour and a half later. Apparently in that short time frame he drank 7 beers with his roommate because within 30 minutes of being back online he was on me again and I was in tears. This was my first episode with him, and it left me emotionally drained and questioning everything. He did mention the next morning, that he didn't remember anything because he was drinking so sorry for whatever happened. I said thanks I needed to hear that as it was pretty rough. Now if he drinks, I keep our talks to a minimum.
I'm sorry that was a long response but thanks for letting me share it. This is why I tread lightly when trying to hold him accountable for his behavior. I feel like I am starting some foundation with him. We have agreed that when he is having a PTSD moment that he needs to communicate that to me in some way. If he can't speak to me, then just grab my hand and look me in the eye. I will know that we need to leave the environment asap. It is not okay to just leave or not show up without communicating that to me.
Now I need to see if he is capable of going to therapy again and working on establishing behavior boundaries. I don't mind a grump every once in a while, but the name calling has to stop. It is mean, cruel, and unjustified...and completely unneccessary.
Eleanor
Diamond Member
I second everything PW said, If I might be a tad picky and refine this bit...
I would say: give them an objective description of their behavior. Describe how you felt in response to it. Explain that this is a rational and normal response when one is subjected to the described behavior by someone who they have made themselves vulnerable to. Name the need of yours that is not being met by this kind of behavior (for respect, compassion of whatever) Ask for exactly the behavior you would like from them instead.
Establishing a signal has worked well for us. His is childhood abuse? It sure sounds like my H when he dissociates - I got myself to stop "engaging" with it by repeating "I will not talk to dead people" until I lost interest in keeping up my end of the drama.
You are right, the name calling and unfounded accusations have to stop - they are abuse.
If he won't get help, what are you going to do?
I would say: give them an objective description of their behavior. Describe how you felt in response to it. Explain that this is a rational and normal response when one is subjected to the described behavior by someone who they have made themselves vulnerable to. Name the need of yours that is not being met by this kind of behavior (for respect, compassion of whatever) Ask for exactly the behavior you would like from them instead.
Establishing a signal has worked well for us. His is childhood abuse? It sure sounds like my H when he dissociates - I got myself to stop "engaging" with it by repeating "I will not talk to dead people" until I lost interest in keeping up my end of the drama.
You are right, the name calling and unfounded accusations have to stop - they are abuse.
If he won't get help, what are you going to do?
Yes Eleanor, his trauma is childhood verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. The first episode I experienced was triggered by my goodnight call with my daughter. She sounded sad and hadn't eaten dinner yet. My love is very sensitive to child welfare and processed this as neglect and started to flash to his childhood trauma. He withdrew at that point and I didn't know why. I thought he was upset with me and was processing it as rejection. I wasn't aware of the PTSD at that time. When he dissociates now I tell myself this isn't about me, this is about him and I can give him the space without emotionally engaging with the episode.
If he won't get help, our relationship is at a stand still. I believe he wants to get help, he just needs to feel safe and be brave beyond his excuses. He has said he feels safe with me and in my home, and he gains confidence with each day. On his grumpiest day, he sees me still standing there holding his hand. He has said it is amazing to him to have someone willing to understand him and put in the effort.
Last night he apologized for being grumpy with me this week. I accepted his apology and briefly mentioned that I understood why he was grumpy but it was hurtful and unnecessary. He seemed to be okay with that. This is the first time he has clearly verbalized an apology and was being accountable for his behavior. For PTSD and an Aries man, this was progress.
I don't think I have a hard stop date yet for therapy. I can't rush him or put pressure on him at this point. Just gentle nudging, support, love, and friendship.
If he won't get help, our relationship is at a stand still. I believe he wants to get help, he just needs to feel safe and be brave beyond his excuses. He has said he feels safe with me and in my home, and he gains confidence with each day. On his grumpiest day, he sees me still standing there holding his hand. He has said it is amazing to him to have someone willing to understand him and put in the effort.
Last night he apologized for being grumpy with me this week. I accepted his apology and briefly mentioned that I understood why he was grumpy but it was hurtful and unnecessary. He seemed to be okay with that. This is the first time he has clearly verbalized an apology and was being accountable for his behavior. For PTSD and an Aries man, this was progress.
I don't think I have a hard stop date yet for therapy. I can't rush him or put pressure on him at this point. Just gentle nudging, support, love, and friendship.
I have on occasion experienced rage with H.
Example: He doesn't communicate well on the phone with business persons so I am usually the one to make the calls. I called the insurance company to make sure the car insurance was coming out of the new bank account. The woman asked a few questions and I proceeded to answer her. For some reason this irritated H and he started to speak very loudly over her about what I was saying or doing wrong. This is a huge pet peeve for me. He has done this quite a bit in the past which is why I usually wait until he is gone to make these phone calls but it was important for us to do our monthly budget to make sure this was taken care of now.
I got so upset I just hung up the phone. Then I proceeded to tell him that it was rude what he did and that I couldn't possibly hear both of them and that if he didn't like the way I handled things he should have done it himself!
The lady called back a few moments later and I played it off like I lost connection. :p "I'm so sorry" I said.
I was just not able to deal with all that chaos and feeling embarrassed because H couldn't be quiet for a minute. I have had people at businesses hang up on me after saying they couldn't help me because he was yelling at me in the background so loud it scared them.
Example: He doesn't communicate well on the phone with business persons so I am usually the one to make the calls. I called the insurance company to make sure the car insurance was coming out of the new bank account. The woman asked a few questions and I proceeded to answer her. For some reason this irritated H and he started to speak very loudly over her about what I was saying or doing wrong. This is a huge pet peeve for me. He has done this quite a bit in the past which is why I usually wait until he is gone to make these phone calls but it was important for us to do our monthly budget to make sure this was taken care of now.
I got so upset I just hung up the phone. Then I proceeded to tell him that it was rude what he did and that I couldn't possibly hear both of them and that if he didn't like the way I handled things he should have done it himself!
The lady called back a few moments later and I played it off like I lost connection. :p "I'm so sorry" I said.
I was just not able to deal with all that chaos and feeling embarrassed because H couldn't be quiet for a minute. I have had people at businesses hang up on me after saying they couldn't help me because he was yelling at me in the background so loud it scared them.
R
Red Dog
Your post really lifted my spirits!
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