Surprised by wanting to isolate

[Hulda]

I used to trust my instincts but now I'm not sure. Maybe avoid her as much as possible. Idk about you, but freaking out in a group is a fear of mine. I'm definitely a fight, not flight or freeze person, and I get really angry. It's so embarrassing that I try to stay out of social situations as much as possible. People are scary and I'm very careful of who I associate with because I need to be.
It's a catch 22 for many of us because we don't want to slide completely into isolation, but we also can't tolerate a lot of people.
I hope you can find a way to be comfortable.

Hotness. I am not afraid of acting out in a group. I am fearful before and after. I am now careful who and where I put my self in a truly vulnerable situation but have anxiety before attending any group. Often I choose to isolate and believe my fears. That has been self sabotage. What happens after is did I talk too much? Did I say the wrong thing? So and so and I did not talk. It is a terrible way to live my life. Shame is as old as the garden of Eden if you believe that. If anyone tells you they have no shame they are a sociopath or psychopath.I got to the point where I would cancel lunch engagements and use the excuse I was sick or something. I would lie and not be considerate of the other persons engagement calendar. You know the darndest thing. People think I am a strong capable person. I project a false self. Lately little by little only when appropriate I have shared my fears of connecting with people. I don’t go into detail. The thing that happens is more than not they feel free to share. You are in a place like I was that it paralyzes you and you are not happy with going and not happy with isolating. I have social anxiety and it has been a fight inside me every time I think of being in a social environment. I have to battle this still. I find deep breathing and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has helped me reframe the situation. I have a faith and that has been a source of strength but you have to be very careful going down that road as that can be toxic too. It takes great discernment. I hope you have been or will be in counseling to address this and see if there is more going on. That is where I learned about CBT. Now, I am not supposed to be on my iPad..addiction… but this came to my email and I really identified with you. Best to you.

 

[hotmess]

Hotness. I am not afraid of acting out in a group. I am fearful before and after. I am now careful who and where I put my self in a truly vulnerable situation but have anxiety before attending any group. Often I choose to isolate and believe my fears. That has been self sabotage. What happens after is did I talk too much? Did I say the wrong thing? So and so and I did not talk. It is a terrible way to live my life. Shame is as old as the garden of Eden if you believe that. If anyone tells you they have no shame they are a sociopath or psychopath.I got to the point where I would cancel lunch engagements and use the excuse I was sick or something. I would lie and not be considerate of the other persons engagement calendar. You know the darndest thing. People think I am a strong capable person. I project a false self. Lately little by little only when appropriate I have shared my fears of connecting with people. I don’t go into detail. The thing that happens is more than not they feel free to share. You are in a place like I was that it paralyzes you and you are not happy with going and not happy with isolating. I have social anxiety and it has been a fight inside me every time I think of being in a social environment. I have to battle this still. I find deep breathing and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has helped me reframe the situation. I have a faith and that has been a source of strength but you have to be very careful going down that road as that can be toxic too. It takes great discernment. I hope you have been or will be in counseling to address this and see if there is more going on. That is where I learned about CBT. Now, I am not supposed to be on my iPad..addiction… but this came to my email and I really identified with you. Best to you.

Thank you for your reply. It's very helpful. I'm actually just starting dialectical behavioral therapy and I like it. I also obsessively replay social interactions and convince myself that I made a huge fool of myself and now everyone hates me. So I get anxious even before I get with people, and wind up acting weird because I'm nervous. Ptsd sucks. The obsessing used to take all my energy and brain space. It's better now. Not constant but frequent. The dbt is helping me to turn the channel off of the negative thoughts.
It's interesting that you mentioned faith. My most recent trauma involved my church. It wasn't sexual abuse or anything like that. Idk how to explain what happened. The worst part of it was that I had to stay away from my faith. I've recently gone back, which is making the ptsd really, really bad. I'm still happy to be back and I'm finding ways to stay safe, no contact at all with certain people. Serious boundaries are absolutely necessary, but it's worth it. I feel like I'm facing my fears too and that will help me to heal. My therapist was worried at first but now she's seeing that it's beneficial.

 

[Hulda]

Thank you for your reply. It's very helpful. I'm actually just starting dialectical behavioral therapy and I like it. I also obsessively replay social interactions and convince myself that I made a huge fool of myself and now everyone hates me. So I get anxious even before I get with people, and wind up acting weird because I'm nervous. Ptsd sucks. The obsessing used to take all my energy and brain space. It's better now. Not constant but frequent. The dbt is helping me to turn the channel off of the negative thoughts.
It's interesting that you mentioned faith. My most recent trauma involved my church. It wasn't sexual abuse or anything like that. Idk how to explain what happened. The worst part of it was that I had to stay away from my faith. I've recently gone back, which is making the ptsd really, really bad. I'm still happy to be back and I'm finding ways to stay safe, no contact at all with certain people. Serious boundaries are absolutely necessary, but it's worth it. I feel like I'm facing my fears too and that will help me to heal. My therapist was worried at first but now she's seeing that it's beneficial.

DBT is very helpful for a lot of people.you are so smart to keep boundaries in places you have been hurt. Not walls. It takes work but is a necessary part of life. We are not meant to be violated.
I understand many in the professional community get nervous about faith and church. People are just humans and some of us cannot deny what we have seen and heard no matter what. The key is finding a healthy place to grow. There are many toxic situations in the name of religion. Like I said it takes great discernment and it starts at the top.
You sound like there is stability at work. You certainly are a credit to those that are serious about getting a handle on their CPTSD. Best to you.

DBT is very helpful for a lot of people.you are so smart to keep boundaries in places you have been hurt. Not walls. It takes work but is a necessary part of life. We are not meant to be violated.
I understand many in the professional community get nervous about faith and church. People are just humans and some of us cannot deny what we have seen and heard no matter what. The key is finding a healthy place to grow. There are many toxic situations in the name of religion. Like I said it takes great discernment and it starts at the top.
You sound like there is stability at work. You certainly are a credit to those that are serious about getting a handle on their CPTSD. Best to you.

Change your name from hotness to something more affirming! You are not a hot mess!

 

[rondd]

We don't have to like everyone we meet. You can be cordial but stay aloof when this person tries to engage you in conversation.
that means to say very little if anything and to excuse yourself and talk to someone else. The person will soon realize that you are not interested in becoming friends. Always sit somewhere that is not in close proximity. If this person makes you feel comfortable, your internal radar is telling you to stay clear.