I used to trust my instincts but now I'm not sure. Maybe avoid her as much as possible. Idk about you, but freaking out in a group is a fear of mine. I'm definitely a fight, not flight or freeze person, and I get really angry. It's so embarrassing that I try to stay out of social situations as much as possible. People are scary and I'm very careful of who I associate with because I need to be.
It's a catch 22 for many of us because we don't want to slide completely into isolation, but we also can't tolerate a lot of people.
I hope you can find a way to be comfortable.
Hotness. I am not afraid of acting out in a group. I am fearful before and after. I am now careful who and where I put my self in a truly vulnerable situation but have anxiety before attending any group. Often I choose to isolate and believe my fears. That has been self sabotage. What happens after is did I talk too much? Did I say the wrong thing? So and so and I did not talk. It is a terrible way to live my life. Shame is as old as the garden of Eden if you believe that. If anyone tells you they have no shame they are a sociopath or psychopath.I got to the point where I would cancel lunch engagements and use the excuse I was sick or something. I would lie and not be considerate of the other persons engagement calendar. You know the darndest thing. People think I am a strong capable person. I project a false self. Lately little by little only when appropriate I have shared my fears of connecting with people. I don’t go into detail. The thing that happens is more than not they feel free to share. You are in a place like I was that it paralyzes you and you are not happy with going and not happy with isolating. I have social anxiety and it has been a fight inside me every time I think of being in a social environment. I have to battle this still. I find deep breathing and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has helped me reframe the situation. I have a faith and that has been a source of strength but you have to be very careful going down that road as that can be toxic too. It takes great discernment. I hope you have been or will be in counseling to address this and see if there is more going on. That is where I learned about CBT. Now, I am not supposed to be on my iPad..addiction… but this came to my email and I really identified with you. Best to you.