Telling People

[ProductOfSociety]

The only people that know in my family is my mother, my aunt, my husband, and my cousin.
My aunt has PTSD as well, although it's not something I can talk to her about, she is heavily medicated and when she isn't it isn't a good idea to bring it up. I can't talk to my mother about it, she just begins to blame herself, we always end up talking about her rather than me. My cousin lives 10 hours away and considering his mom has PTSD (among other things) and what he has been through because of it, I don't speak with him about it. My husband says he is there for me, but... he refuses to research PTSD. He never responds when I began to speak of my past. He just lays there, dumbfounded, or looks as if he is asleep. I don't want to be a burden.

However I am a pharmacy technician. For the first time in my life I want to go to therapy and perhaps start taking prescriptions to help me manage. I know if this is the case the people in my work place will find out. I sometimes feel as if I should tell them. They notice that I am really jumpy and they just think I have severe ADD since I zone out constantly. I know telling them would give them a better explanation of why I act the way I do. But who's to say they will even know what PTSD is or care to research it. And if they know... I don't want them asking me why I may have it.
This is my burden, I don't want to share it.

 

[njray]

These are great posts

I really understand each persons reason for telling or not telling others about this disorder. It is a shame today with all the scientific data we have about PTSD and all the resources to become educated about this disorder we often keep it bottled up inside because of potential stigmas. That said I will again only speak for myself I was living for 45 years with a disorder of ADHD before I became diagnossed with it and yet another 3 years before I admitted and aknowledged I had adhd and I have really just begun to tackle its specific issues as they relate to me. If it had not been for a keen eye of a school coumselor, my willingness to share my plight with her and then see a doumentary on ADHD I do not know where I would be today....(my family is full of adhd symptomed like persons)

I am very concerned as my children are at risk as now that I have become educated I suspect strongly my childrens mother may have adhd ocd and maybe ptsd from living with a father that has major hoarding issues (greater than what is witnessed on the hoarding show) ALL of which may be genetic in nature!. If i stay in the closet I feel I may be doing an injustice to Kids family and society for staying bottled up. That said I am not sure how i am going to become and advocate for PTSD and ADHD but I will.........

 

[brink]

I don't like to talk about it. I feel as though I say PTSD and people hear "personality disorder" and I am never viewed in the same way again-- it feels as though telling people about it sabotages my opportunity to just have a normal relationship with them. There are people who know-- my husband, my closest friends-- but it's not a subject I tend to bring up unless I know someone pretty darned well.

 

[njray]

Brink,

We are all different ... I respect u not wanting to tell everyone.... I respect it but to say I am not disapointed would be a lie. And please let me explain and please rebut me.

If we kept everything to ourselves I wonder if we would be better off as a society. I am very thankful I have met and discussed my PTSD and ADHD issues. Crap if I had to live in a bubble with these disorders know telling where I would be. I have been one that has made both contributions and mistakes in general to our society because of them. That said if I did not become educated about my issues the pendulum would definately sway in the favor of burden.

I am only 48 I have the ability to contribute...alot to our society. It is unfortunate that people will take advantage of me because of my issues and to be honest I do not think I am alone. Crap I know I am not as I look around my real life and at the posts in this forum. I see many that are probably so vulnerable because they are without proper knowledge or of no means of getting help because of those that do not believe PTSD and other mental health disorders exist. You are lucky you have family that seem to be helping you. Many of us (maybe because of genetics) do not have resources as simple as family to help us because they have there own issues and concerns. (again look at the stories here in traume diaries and see how many come from families with long history of menal illness).

If people including you did not share in venues like this I wonder what the world would be like for a person like me. I think you might be on this sight because of your issues you are dealling with or someone that is close to you are (or u could be a student or person whom is just curious). I am dealling with PTSD and ADHD issues everyday and it sucks but because of the sharing here I know that I am not going crazy and that I need to manage my symptoms and then I can move on.

Thank you for sharing and I look forward to your reply
njray
PS A huge thank you for sharing your post on this thread with me by the way.......

 

[brink]

Hi NJray, and thanks for responding to me. I think you might want to read my introductory post in the introduction section to get a better idea of where I'm coming from and what my trauma history is all about. I've read most of the self help books, worked through Aphrodite Matsakis' workbook, and so on. I'm not new to exploring my trauma by any means, though I'm new to this forum.

When I say that I tell close friends and family, that means my husband and a few others. I really have no family outside of him. He doesn't understand PTSD at all; knows I have it, knows that it affects my behavior, knows it is difficult and tries to be supportive. My closest friends tend to react in a similar way, but they don't "get" it either and, frankly, their knowing has had a negative impact on our relationships. My closest friend has had some very negative experiences with other people who had PTSD, and we don't really talk about it because her comments about it tend to be hurtful to me, and I in no way want to discount the pain that she has also endured through a difficult relationship. So it's an off-limits thing by mutual consent.

I agree with all you say, in principal, but I also adhere to the PTSD wisdom of taking care of myself and doing all I can to make myself feel safe. I'm not on a mission to enlighten the world-- I'm on a mission of self-care so that I can function in society. Others may feel differently or think that's selfish, but perhaps one day I will evolve to a point at which I can do more to remove the stigma of PTSD from the common view. Right now, though, that's simply not the best path for my own healing.

 

[njray]

Brink,

I appreciate your response and respect it. I will view your introduction post ..

All the best..
nj

 

[Kb3]

My husband knows and is not hugely supportive; he can be better described as tolerant. Besides therapists I have told a couple of friends, but their reactions have been less than ideal, making me wish that I hadn't. I haven't told my parents or other family members and can't imagine that I ever will.

I feel that it is very hard to get the "right" reaction out of someone when I tell my story unless they have had a traumatic background themselves or very specific training. In fact, I have had the most disappointing reactions of all from people who are in the mental health field, which really goes to show you how poorly trauma is understood.

This self protective desire is what led me to this forum and others like it. Sharing my story and learning from other people who have experienced trauma has been hugely helpful in my recovery, and I hope that it is to you as well. Welcome.

 

[brink]

Just wanted to add here that, when I (drunkenly) told my (abusive) sister about it many years ago, her reaction was, "how DARE you insinuate that your pain in life is any worse than MINE is!" So much for my supportive family. Needless to say, she's my estranged sister now, and has been for many years.

 

[Kb3]

" My husband says he is there for me, but... he refuses to research PTSD. He never responds when I began to speak of my past. He just lays there, dumbfounded, or looks as if he is asleep. I don't want to be a burden."

You have just described my husband! He has gotten a bit better as I have gotten better, but I can still see the shutters go down the second the subject of my trauma comes up. I have chalked it up to him being completely overwhelmed by it and unable to give any "practical" help. I am fortunate though that he has been able to provide for the massive cost of therapy and medication I have needed, because otherwise I would have been up sh*t creek without a paddle!

 

[hazen]

My wife guessed I had PTSD long before I realized I had it... largely because she has it too. We are both very supportive of each other, and I am thankful and lucky for that every day.

But outside of her, I tried to tell my siblings but they don't seem to know how to respond to it. They grew up in the same house as me so I know they have their own scars and may be afraid to face them.

The only other people that know are a few of my wife's friends since she needs to have someone to talk to about the difficulties of supporting someone with PTSD.

We all need people to talk to, and this forum is the best place I have found to share my troubles. Even if it is online only, the amount of support I have found here has been invaluable.

So basically, thank you all of you for reading! I will read and support you back!