Terrible Flashbacks Lately...

[Celina]

This has to do with something that happened to me when I was four/five. I posted about it before, so I won't try and retype every little thing. But anyways, it involved forced enemas (Learning now, they probably didn't have to be used had my diet not been so bad) when I was four and feeling like I was being sexually abused by doctors and my own parents. I'm not sure if there is any real similarity between it, but I know it sure felt like it!

I've had really bad flashbacks about it the past week. Enough where I'm up all night and crying and shaking. I haven't told my mother or father this, because I feel like it won't do any good. I'm currently getting caught up with school and looking over colleges and I don't really have any money on my own to go see a therapist or anything, and I feel like if I ask my mom about it (Under her insurance) She'll tell me that I need to get over it, because it happened so long ago or she'll get mad that I won't talk to her about it. This is the next best thing I have found...

(On another note, I abused laxatives when I was sixteen and sometimes still want to do that again, and I feel like what happened when I was four has a lot to do with it.)

I dunno. I'm just tired and exhausted and don't know what to so anymore :/