Another terrible therapist fit?

[RainbowSearchParty]

I think I found another lemon. I've seen this person three times now, and I think I need permission to walk away from this. Okay, I think I'm maybe looking for validation that this isn't going to work?

They are just young. So, so young, and still working on their degree. Fine. And they claim to have expertise in DID, but I'm not sure that they really have any actual experience. Maybe book knowledge, but if I dissociate they just sit there in silence waiting for me to do something, which doesn't always happen. I feel like the only way this therapy could possibly work is if I don't ever dissociate, but that's an improbable game when you have a dissociative disorder. I also feel like I'm sitting across from a robot that tries to connect to me by telling me inappropriate things, like about a family member's illness, their marriage, their college years and their own therapy and experiences with medications. I don't think they are trying to be unprofessional but ..... even just typing that list out makes me cringe at the level of inappropriateness of their disclosures.

I don't think this is a good fit, but I feel desperate because I can't seem to find anyone to work with. And maybe I'd just like you all to tell me once again that no therapy is better than bad therapy?

 

[Friday]

They are just young. So, so young, and still working on their degree. Fine. And they claim to have expertise in DID, but I'm not sure that they really have any actual experience.

Exactly right… if they’re still in school they don’t even have experience, yet, much less expertise.

I think I found another lemon

There are apx 200 trauma therapists in my city… wait. We’re going to back up. Do know that I’m rounding to keep the numbers as straightforward as possible.

- There are apx 2,000 masters & above therapists in my city (of 2 million) claiming experience with trauma.
- Of those, only apx 200 of them are actual trauma therapists.
- Exactly ZERO have experience with combat trauma, even though a healthy percentage listed on their pages that they work with vets, upon talking with them? Come to find, what they ACTUALLY MEAN are a couple of their childhood trauma clients also served in the military.

How do I know this? Because I interviewed all 200 some odd of them, over the course of a couple years, followed by a couple hundred others in widening circles. First, starting locally, than advancing my search out farther… until I eventually found a helluva lot of trauma therapists not only with mad experience dealing with combat trauma but also NGO & Aid Workers, First Response, Disaster Response, K&R, etc. In another city of about 2 million, in another state, about 5 hours away by express train. Feast after famine! Spoilt for choice. And a 10 hour commute round trip that was toooootally worth it, to work with people whose expertise was exactly what I needed it to be.

The first couple dozen interviews & interview appointments left me feeling craaaaaaazy as f*ck. Took me over a year to slog my way through them, needing to take weeks/months “off” my search. And then? I hit my stride, and did maybe 125 in a 3 month period, and then double that in half the time… no fuss no muss. <<< Some of that is “just” a steep learning curve, but a LOT? Was no longer placing all my hopes/desperation/fears/energy into the next person. And the next. And the next.

Now, I’ve had other therapist searches where not only is the very first person I meet amazing/perfect/phenom & I would LOVE to work with them, but so is everyone else in my first batch of 5.

IME… It’s just a matter of Luck+Geography.

The city I live in is phenom for certain kinds of trauma, and a ghost town for others. As is durn near every other town/city out there (excepting maaaaaybe NY, London, Beijing, etc., the supercities with tens of millions of people, instead of a few thousand, few hundred thousand, or a few million).

 

[Movingforward10]

The over sharing has me thinking inexperience never mind the actual inexperience and how they are with you when you disassociate.

You know A LOT about them from 3 sessions! More than I know about my T in 5 years.

So, trust yourself and your judgement.

 

[brokenpony]

it sounds like she doesn’t know what she’s doing yet, and you probably don’t want to be her first pancake. i would also not work with someone who claimed they specialized in DID without any specialized training courses, which it sounds like she couldn’t have at this point in her career. imo that is dishonesty.

 

[arfie]

i started my recovery from child sex trafficking in 1972, long before today's specialties had formed, at any price. the therapists available to the throwaway kid camps were mostly young and inexperienced idealists. not much training was available to any of them. today's specialties did not form until near the end of the 20th century. i am pretty convinced i would have self-destructed if i had waited until specialists were available. there are still few specialists available for this particular body of psychosis.

i learned with those young and inexperienced idealists. i believe in working with what is available.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you find what is good enough for you.

 

[ellzeena]

I think I found another lemon. I've seen this person three times now, and I think I need permission to walk away from this. Okay, I think I'm maybe looking for validation that this isn't going to work?

They are just young. So, so young, and still working on their degree. Fine. And they claim to have expertise in DID, but I'm not sure that they really have any actual experience. Maybe book knowledge, but if I dissociate they just sit there in silence waiting for me to do something, which doesn't always happen. I feel like the only way this therapy could possibly work is if I don't ever dissociate, but that's an improbable game when you have a dissociative disorder. I also feel like I'm sitting across from a robot that tries to connect to me by telling me inappropriate things, like about a family member's illness, their marriage, their college years and their own therapy and experiences with medications. I don't think they are trying to be unprofessional but ..... even just typing that list out makes me cringe at the level of inappropriateness of their disclosures.

I don't think this is a good fit, but I feel desperate because I can't seem to find anyone to work with. And maybe I'd just like you all to tell me once again that no therapy is better than bad therapy?

All I had to read was your first statement: They are just young. So, so young, and still working on their degree. No, that's not "fine". No one without at least ten years of solid clinical experience can deal with serious PTSD or anything else, for that matter. In my long lifetime, going into therapy whenever it became obvious to me there was "something" I needed to "fix", I've had probably 15 therapists. Out of those 15, I've had TWO really gifted ones, TWO. Both of those people had decades of experience and were Ph.D. in Psychology (although I had one with a PhD who was AWFUL). Of the fifteen or so, the absolute WORSE ONE, with no doubt at all, was some kid in her 20s who actually had a brand new degree. She was BEYOND AWFUL. And I have a background in Psychology.

A bad therapist can set you back and do some very serious harm. Whenever that "little voice" says, "NOPE", listen to it. Find someone else.

 

[Abstract]

If your therapy was because you were upset with your friend for flirting with your partner then anyone with some training and good report with you may be fine. But I would get out of there if it was me.

You said it all in your first post. Bad therapy IS more potentially dangerous than no therapy. Sorry!

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

Okay, thank you all. I so appreciate it. And I think you all are right, that I need to just trust my judgment here. I spent last night reflecting and I came up with some things that I think are important:

I don't think we are in rhythm with one another. And a lot of what is missing in my life right now is about being in rhythm and community with others. It would be far cheaper and maybe more effective to spend my money on yoga classes or something of the sort.

And, I had promised myself no more trainees. I don't want to be someone's experiment. And I think I need to stand by that.

The city I live in is phenom for certain kinds of trauma, and a ghost town for others. As is durn near every other town/city out there (excepting maaaaaybe NY, London, Beijing, etc., the supercities with tens of millions of people, instead of a few thousand, few hundred thousand, or a few million).

This is what is frustrating. My old city? Hot spot for trauma therapists, which was just luck. New city? Not so much. But it's so large (not quite London sized, but still) that it's just so hard for me to wrap my head around the lack of experience with dissociation here.

You know A LOT about them from 3 sessions! More than I know about my T in 5 years.

Exactly. I know more about them in 3 sessions than I knew about my last therapist of 7 years. And I think I know more about them than they know about me, which is not how therapy is supposed to work.

it sounds like she doesn’t know what she’s doing yet, and you probably don’t want to be her first pancake.

This. This is important for me to remember.

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

Okay, so now I googled them. I shouldn't have done that, but I was curious as to their stance on DID and if they had truly done any research on the subject, because it feels like the language they use is drawn mostly from Reddit communities and not the literature. On the first page of google results? Their wedding video. Which, of course, I watched. I shouldn't have. But now I can't unsee that nonsense and I cannot EVER work with this unprofessional.

I feel guilty. But I think professionally is maybe the most important thing on my list of therapist qualities, And this person has not mastered that yet.

 

[Movingforward10]

Why do you feel guilty?
Everyone Google's their therapists. And thattwhy therapists ensure they don't have anything out there to be found.

Btw, I really googled my therapist and found her address and I had a terrible time beating myself up about it.
But, they have these things on the internet so clients will find them

She sounds to me that she wants people to know about her wedding. It goes a bit hand in hand with her immaturity?

 

[RainbowSearchParty]

I wrote an email saying I wanted to cancel all our future sessions and I sent it. Now I am hiding under my weighted blanket because I feel exposed and vulnerable. I feel like the little kid of my youth that didn't have the ability to choose what happened to her and would get in trouble whenever she asked for anything at all.

Some of that is “just” a steep learning curve, but a LOT? Was no longer placing all my hopes/desperation/fears/energy into the next person. And the next. And the next.

This is what I am telling myself. I am stressed from work right now and whenever I start getting overwhelmed my thinking becomes rather black and white. This therapist or no therapy. But that's not actually the case. There are other professionals and that is what they are. I wouldn't get worked up about changing dentists or other doctors, so why is this making me panic so deeply?

Why do you feel guilty?

I feel guilty because it's an old feeling from a very long time ago. I feel guilty because I think there is a disconnect between what I want and need and what this country can offer me, so I'm asking, maybe, for the impossible every time I go searching for a therapist. And that makes me feel like the selfish American that people in this country want to see me as.

 

[Friday]

There are other professionals and that is what they are. I wouldn't get worked up about changing dentists or other doctors, so why is this making me panic so deeply?

When I was a child, my grandfather taught me how to type… not because he thought I would BE (or should be) a secretary, but so that I wouldn’t hire the wrong secretary, out of desperation!… As long as I knew HOW to type? I could take my time in finding the right person.

With PTSD, there is soooooo much one can do on their own. And so much one must do on their own, even with the best of therapists.

<grin> So I would suggest, to take the pressure off? Teaching yourself how to type. Or, rather, setting time aside (weekly, or biweekly, maybe to begin with, as if you were at therapy…but long term move that to daily) to deliberately work on PTSD-schtuff. To give yourself the self-confidence & breathing space… to find the right person.