General Testing..?

[Prettysmile]

Yes JS. I have expierenced this with my sufferer, this is the story of my life for the past few months since he's been out of the Military.

He replied that HE wasn't the same person and telling me that I deserve better and we're too different and I'm too nice and too good of a person

Lol, I almost want to ask you if we are seeing the same person because I hear this line just about every other week. I heard this as recent as last night and I just threw in the towel. Just the day before he made it his business to pop up at the beauty palor where I was doing my hair which we know that us ladies spend hours in the hair salon. He came there just to keep me company and be there with me..We have been getting closer and closer latley is my point. ( what guy chills with his lady at the hair salon for hours?) Only to be hit with that line again.
I am in the same boat as you. If he doesnt want to be with me..or think I deserve better. When I walk away why doesnt he leave me the heck alone? Why does he come back a few days later with the sweet text messages, long phone conversations, taking me out to dinner, playing kissy face and calling me Babe as oppose to my real name?
I am at the point where I feel like he is using that PTSD as a scape goat. Maybe he is just afraid of committment. As for your ex I dont think he is using his PTSD as a cover up. He really is confused. He knows he has feelings for you and thats exactly why he runs from you. Good feelings freak them out.

As for me. I am staying away this time. I dont care if he calls or text. I'm just going to ignore them. I am tired of the back and forth and all the confusion. I deserve to be loved the right way and I need a stable relationship. It obvious my sufferer and I cant be just friends becasue we still act like lovers. And thats where the mess begins so its best that there be no contact. Lets hold out JS and see if it does us any good. lol

 

[JS786]

Especially :O_o: was me telling him that I wasn't going to continue the conversation because I was going into work, and when I left and got home he msged me himself (I wasn't going to msg him even if I'd stayed at work... and say what? "HI! Let's continue this conversation for the next 15 minutes and then I need to go again." No.) But *he* started a conversation with me, shooting the shit and "how are you?" and "whats up?" and whatever. If you have something to say, say it. I'm not one for small talk, even in my everyday life.

As for your ex I dont think he is using his PTSD as a cover up. He really is confused. He knows he has feelings for you and thats exactly why he runs from you. Good feelings freak them out.

That's probably true to a point. I definitely believe in my heart that if he didnt have PTSD he wouldn't be acting like this, he gets in fights because he lets the anger take over... from what I've heard from his mom, he was never like this before he was a Marine.

I thought for a bit that maybe he was seeing this other girl (there's this girl who hits up his facebook semi-often at first it made me :mad:, but now I'm just kind of indifferent.) But then I took a step back and said, "JS, if he was seeing someone else, he probably wouldnt have asked to come with his mom to your show. (Regardless of whether he'll come or not... I'm gonna go with he won't show.) And even if he is seeing someone else, he's allowed to do that... he's single."

Lets hold out JS and see if it does us any good. lol

My plan is this: continue on my merry way, but stay single for a bit, not because I'm going to "wait" for him, but I have some personal things that I need to work on (and going to the Doctor on Thursday to start my road of dealing with my own issues :tup:) and I need to make myself a priority if I'm ever going to help myself. If he contacts me, awesome, I'll talk to him. I'll reach out and wish him happy birthday, and Thanksgiving, and Christmas etc (maybe not Valentine's day, hahaha).. but I'll stay civil, because that's just the kind of person I am.

I really hope I'm not sounding unsupportive, that's not my intent... I'm just at the point where there is nothing I can do. I can't force him to talk to me, or want to be with me.

I am at peace, for now. I do still care, but I realize that I can't help him, he needs to want to help himself.

 

[Prettysmile]

and I need to make myself a priority if I'm ever going to help myself. If he contacts me, awesome, I'll talk to him. I'll reach out and wish him happy birthday, and Thanksgiving, and Christmas etc

I am so proud of you! You starting to sound like me! hehe. You get to a point where you just throw your hands up and say this battle is not mine, its the lords.( well thats my faith). Your right you cannot help someone unless they want to help themselves.

I am soo supportive of my marine so he can get better. But I will be supportive from a distance. It was easier to to distance myself when He was living in another state. Now, Its way too convienent for him to simply drive to my house and knock on my front door. When he was active duty and did that it was cute. But now, dealing with our love bipolar relationship its not soo much. Neither one of us can be around each other without falling back into each others love spell. What to do what to do? I Just feel silly sometimes, giving my all to someone who only gives me all his love only half the time.

 

[JS786]

One of my favorite songs is Come Downstairs and Say Hello by Guster, and one line says: "Be calm, be brave, it'll be okay." I tell that to myself when I feel overwhelmed.

I can't change it, I didn't cause it.. I need to remain calm, cool, and collected. In a week he'll probably msg me to talk randomly and something I say will cause him to tell me that I can do better and he'll tear himself apart for a bit, hah (if I don't giggle, I'll cry).

Of course it hurts sometimes, I'll have moments when I'll think of him/us and it's a quick "oof" to my stomach.. But if it's meant to be, it'll work itself out. Like I said, can't force him to want to be with me or talk to me.

But I'm staying positive and keeping my energy strong as possible. :)

 

[JS786]

Ex msged me this morning at 315a asking if I was awake. Of course not! (And frankly, nothing good happens comes from 3am msgs, hah)

I responded that I'd be around all day at work if he wanted to talk and he msged me and said he still had a lot on his mind.. But didn't elaborate any further and signed off.

Oooooookay then.

 

[LoyalOne]

Which is why I'm so surprised that he's continuing to talk to me when I'm making no added effort to be in contact with him.

Like cats, really.

 

[LoyalOne]

It was easier to to distance myself when He was living in another state.

YES. It's like having the protective barriers of miles and expense keep contact limited enough that he doesn't get overwhelmed, and you don't get too sucked in and lose everything else.

 

[JS786]

Can you guys send me some good energy/prayers today? I'm having a bit of a rough patch, the blase attitude is on the backburner and the anger is back again.

I'm trying to keep my "I can't change it, I didn't cause it.. I need to remain calm, cool, and collected," attitude, but that is proving to be a bit of a struggle today.

<3

 

[LoyalOne]

(sending good energy)

♥

 

[JS786]

Thanks, Loyal. :) I think just need to vent out and scream and get angry to let the bad energy out.

:mad:

 

[Cyndi S]

I went through something extremely similar with my significant other when we first got together. We broke up twice for exactly one week and then he'd ask if we could meet up and talk. He had a lot of self doubt in our relationship, he didn't feel that I deserved to have his problems inflicted upon me and that he was a bad person. It took a lot of patience and on occasion an iron will to just not lose my mind. We have talked about it since then and he has admitted to feeling like he may not be able to "measure up" to what a boyfriend should be and feeling like he needed to hold me at arms length for his and my own safety.

Sending you feel good vibes. :tup:

 

[Prettysmile]

He had a lot of self doubt in our relationship, he didn't feel that I deserved to have his problems inflicted upon me and that he was a bad person.

Cyndi S, I'm starting to realize that all of our suffers usually feel this way. I feel very sad for them that they feel this way. My sufferer is such a wonderful man and I cant see why he cant understand that. Especially when everyone constantly tells him this.

JS-(((((hugs))))) you can let out your anger in a positive way such as excersise, kickbocking etc. I go running. It helps release stress. It works for me. I usually run for a long time when I have alot on my mind. Needless to say I have been running alot latley. It helps clear my head, it helps me sleep better and its making me lean! lol.

And I have not spoken to my Marine since Sunday. I dont know if he is feeling numb, if he even misses me, is he having a bad day or just pissed at me for letting him know that I cant do this rollercoaster anymore. I hope I didnt trigger any of his symptoms. yikes.