Sufferer Thanks for being here

[EllietheElephant]

Hi there - just joined the group. In case you can't tell by the username, big NY Liberty fan.

I posted in another part of the forum about why I joined, but in a nutshell, it's because my downstairs neighbors are really triggering my symptoms, and I don't know what to do about it. I also know that it's not fair to ask my partner to hold all of this, so I thought I'd see if this could help.

I was violented assaulted as a teenager, and I just feel like there are certain ways that my brain has been broken ever since. And I hate feeling broken. Anyway, thank you for being here. I've never been much for groups, partially because I think I feel, sometimes, more broken in them. But I wanted to try.

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @EllietheElephant welcome to the site

 

[parrotthepolly]

Welcome to the forum!

 

[arfie]

hello ellie. welcome to the forum. thank you for the explanation of "ellie ?the elephant." i had to look up "ny liberty." i had to dig a bit deeper to catch the mascot reference. somewhere during my engineering career i became so sports resistant that i take pride in violating protocols in sport talks. do you think the cowboys might win the pennant this year?

anyhoo. . .

kudos on your wisdom in seeing the unfairness in expecting your partner to carry the weight of your ptsd reactions. partners can help best AS partners while therapy peers are much more effective at therapy support.

I've never been much for groups, partially because I think I feel, sometimes, more broken in them.

empathy on this score except that my social anxiety is so intense that i can't even enjoy sports banter. still, i find that i heal a bit every time i nudge myself to accept membership in the human species, broken pieces and all. i hope you find likewise.

welcome aboard.

 

[EllietheElephant]

Thank you!

Welcome to the forum!

Thank you!

hello ellie. welcome to the forum. thank you for the explanation of "ellie ?the elephant." i had to look up "ny liberty." i had to dig a bit deeper to catch the mascot reference. somewhere during my engineering career i became so sports resistant that i take pride in violating protocols in sport talks. do you think the cowboys might win the pennant this year?

anyhoo. . .

kudos on your wisdom in seeing the unfairness in expecting your partner to carry the weight of your ptsd reactions. partners can help best AS partners while therapy peers are much more effective at therapy support.

empathy on this score except that my social anxiety is so intense that i can't even enjoy sports banter. still, i find that i heal a bit every time i nudge myself to accept membership in the human species, broken pieces and all. i hope you find likewise.

welcome aboard.

Thank you so much - I don't know anything about football, but I appreciate the banter regardless. One thing I love about the Liberty is that even if you're not a sports person, the vibe is just wonderful. Great mascot, great entertainment during time outs/quarter and half breaks, and just overall, a great crowd.

I really appreciate what you've said about my partner and about healing through membership. I'm gonna give it a go for sure, and thank you for welcoming me in.

 

[Friday]

I've never been much for groups, partially because I think I feel, sometimes, more broken in them. But I wanted to try.

Cha. I feel that, hard.

IME/IMO

That is the MAJOR difference between solution-based groups, with people in the worst of day 1, alongside decades of badass living, and everything in between; all being both completely honest with where they’re at AND trying for better/stronger/faster… and toxic, encouraged dysreg, synergistic spiralling, sympathy/selfpity/pissing-contests/oppression-olympics, Pollyanna-wearing-rose-colored-glasses-on-a-unicorn-farting-rainbows. Seriously helpful vs seriously harmful.

And? It’s a CRAPSHOOT, entering any new group. On whether they’ll help or hurt. And when I don’t trust MYSELF??? I’d have to be reeeeeally desperate, but whether or not it’s helpful is more dependent on luck, than desperation. When I’ve needed help the most, more often than not? I’ve been better off on my own. As no help is better than bad help.

One of my earliest, first-tries? I ended up so infuriated/frustrated/out of control/dysregulated that I threw a chair through a window & stormed out, (not proud of that, regretful of the damage I only added to others) and didn’t go back back to group-anything (or 1:1 anything) for… nearly a decade??? I had to unf*ck myself enough, first, that I could trust my own judgment. And the first group things I got involved with AFTER I trusted myself, again? Were NOT my hard, painful, difficult things. I needed distance. And practice. Before I was willing/able to try again with the things that mattered most to me. After about a decade I dipped my toe into the “easy” hard parts. Almost another decade before I was both desperate enough, AND trusted myself enough, to be raw in front of others.

To get a feel for THIS group? Check out our Community Constitution Which was both a group effort, and an evolving effort, as it’s changed over the years.

Welcome! Whether we suit you right on down to the ground, or dipping a toe in.

 

[arfie]

and just overall, a great crowd.

this is the piece which disables my ability to join much of anything. even a crowded water cooler gets my flight instincts roaring. i'm, far and away, more likely to join a buffalo herd than a human crowd. in fact, i only live a few hundred miles from the southern herd of the attempt to restore the north american buffalo herd. i'm currently trying to work up the courage to become a card carrying member of the herd. dare i commit?