General Thanks for Listening

[jods]

Hi. Thanks for this site it helps to know you're not alone! My husband has been diagnosed since oct last year. He was driving a truck & a guy ran out & committed sucide. It was the day before our first wedding anniversary. To his credit he is doing the best he can. I have been lucky in the fact that my brother was able to get me into a psychologist via his work within 3 mths of the incident. I knew that if I didn't see someone myself I would not have been able to cope with my new life. We also have a 3yr old boy so it's never a dull moment! The one thing that I have found during this time is that unless you have heaps of cash to see professionals, us, the partners & children are sometimes left to walk the journey on our own or maybe thats just how it feels sometime. Thanks for listening

 

[anthony]

Hi Jods,

Welcome to the forum. I read your husbands post the other night, and it hit home a little with me in regard to a good mate of mine who ran over and killed a child in East Timor during one of our deployments. I spoke with him after it, and was a little shocked to say the least in regard to his demuir, and basically didn't know what to say with him, but we could only support him and make sure he was doing ok himself. He obviously has PTSD from that, and is still in really bad shape, with lots of denial.

Spouses are often the forgotten one's, and when I spoke to my wife, Kerrie-Ann, about creating this place, one of the things we discussed was about supporting spouses, because everyone focused on the sufferer, yet the spouses suffer sometimes the worst of what PTSD has to offer, and by sitting helpless watching their loved one's slowly go insane, and be a person that is not familiar to them at all. I know I have done a lot of nasty things in regard to my ex partners and my wife, and even that I struggle to forgive myself at times.

It is nothing short to see a partner develop like symptoms of PTSD, and in some cases, even PTSD itself, because the shear trauma associated in dealing with a loved one in full flight PTSD, can show some pretty scary stuff to say the least.

Thank you for coming here, as there are numerous spouses already here, and I think each of you need to help support one another, as from what I have personally seen myself in spousal support groups when we attended the National PTSD course, is nothing short of astonishing. Spouses get immediate repore with other spouses, and no longer feel alone themselves.

Great to have you here Jods, and I know my wife will respond soon enough, and most likely thank your also for being here, and giving her another to help bounce frustration from when dealing with us.

 

[Deleted member 3]

Hi Jods,

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear of the incident that caused PTSD for your husband and of course now it is a rough journey for all of you. I am glad that you have sought counselling for yourself as the PTSD journey as a partner can be quite rough at times. Is your husband getting regular treatment and is he on medication? I don't mean to focus on him but I do know from experience that when they are getting help it makes life better for us. I agree that a lot of help is not available for the partners and children, at least not anything that is not expensive. Have you tried contacting the local charity groups? They often will have experienced counsellors that may help or may be able to point you in the direction of some government funded help - basically no expense to you. You could also contact the local, Partners of Veterans Assocation - although I know they are specifically geared towards helping service veterans, you might find that they would be willing to help you. Believe me, their experiences as a spouse of someone with PTSD will not be that much different from yours. Anthony and I have found through this forum that it doesn't really matter how someone got PTSD, the impact on the person and their families is the same.

Lovely to hear that you have a little one, as do we and another due in November. Our cherub is only 20 months old tomorrow but boy can he create chaos. You are right in seeking help for yourself and never doubt that you need support as well. By taking care of you, you will be able to care for your little one and feel stronger to support your husband. Please continue to post on this forum, I like talking to spouses as it reminds me that I am not alone too!! If I can help point you in the direction of more support please let me know, that's what this forum is about. Take care of you.

 

[jods]

Hi Anthony & Kerrie-Anne, thanks for listening. My hubby has been very lucky in that he was "in the system" within a week of the incident. Our support network of family & friends has been wonderful. I did put my name down with various places & found that sometimes the waiting lists are min 3mths. I do have a psycologists that I can see for free thanks to my brother working for the government. I did hit my wall this week & was lucky to get in to see him a few days later. So the my world is a better place again!

 

[Deleted member 3]

Hey Jods,

That is fantastic that you have such a support network. It will be a great source of comfort for you when the rough times hit and unfortunately hit they will. Its a good thing, in a lot of ways being a girl, we can express our emotions more freely and our pride doesn't often get in the way of asking for help........unless of course you have PTSD. As I said before, feel free to post here anytime. It helps to talk to others who are walking the same path. Family and friends are great if they are supportive but they often don't understand. Hell, we partners don't often 'get it' either!

 

[Deleted member 3]

I have to ask, why Garfield? Don't get me wrong I love the cat, just curious. I picked Tigger cause that really is me in a nutshell, a little ditsy, very bouncy (although not so much at the moment) to the point of driving people nuts, loud, talkative and always missing my 'tigger' family but happy to have strays with me.

 

[jods]

I loved his attitude & i'm a lasagne girl too & pookie his teddy bear was the name of my first car.

 

[anthony]

Ohhh....Pookie, that bear rocks. Sorry... I am a garfield fan from way back... he cracks me up.

 

[jods]

I hear you! Most people forget about pookie, we all need a teddy to love!

 

[anthony]

Absolutely, and mine is my little fella. I love that little guy so much... I love spending my days with him, and cuddling up to him at night. Even better, I am looking forward to the soon to be new arrival in November... I'll have two to cuddle with. My wife used to be my bear, but now we sleep on our own sides, with the little one inbetween us, so we both just have to hug him instead. One day we will become each others bears again though, when we stop having children and they move from our bed to their own.

 

[jods]

I have to admit if it wasn't for our little guy i think things would be harder to deal with. Hubby has two girls from his previous marriage that we see weekly so its nice to have that love that we get from the kids to keep us grounded.

 

[anthony]

Its interesting you say that Jods, "grounded", as I think my children have done that for me, and I have a 15 yr old teenage son who lives with us from my first marriage. Kids have that innocent ability to ensure you remain grounded, especially if you want them to be emotionally happy, and not materialistic. My kids definately help with that, though I must say, I have always been a pretty down to earth person, take no crap, call a spade a spade type person. If it moo's like a cow, eats grass like a cow, is milked like a cow, chances are, its a cow! :)

I know that my little fella certainly helps me keep my own PTSD in check, because god knows, he tests me daily. I think I always remain cognisant of the fact, that he doesn't understand. He just wants dad, he just wants to explore, he is only learning, thus I have to push all my inner PTSD feelings to promote anger down, analyze them so anger doesn't come out as a result, and ensure his emotional and physical well-being is taken care off as a priority. Someone said to me years ago now, that children help maintain sufferers symptoms, often because of their innocence. We somehow, and for some reason, need that innocence to help shield us from the harshness of society. I took that onboard anyway...

Its a funny thing though children, in that I was watching Opera the other day, and they had a fathers session going, where a specialist about how to be a better father said, and I quote, "children don't care how much money you earn, they only care about how much quality time you spend with them. Teenagers don't care about how much quality time you spend with them, they only care about how much money you earn!" That just hit me right between the looking gear, because having a 15 yr old and a 20 month old, I could instantly understand what the specialist was saying.