General Thanks for Listening

[Deleted member 3]

Hey Jods,

Funny you should mention taking care of us!

My husband and I just had this discussion about 'monkeys' and my health. I have been quite unwell recently and unable to rebound due to carrying this little bub. I have had quite a stern talking to from the doctors as they are concerned about potential premmy labour if I am not careful. I am now taking maternity leave earlier than planned and have to handball some of the home activities that I just tend to pick up to Anthony. Nothing I can do about that. So, I am in the processes of (as difficult as it is) attempting to let go of some things and just get on with taking care of my own and baby's health. Much easier to do the first time around as you get to be a little more self-indulgent about your own care.

Not only have we had to talk about this but also Anthony's current tendency (old habits die hard) to not tell me when he is unwell. I have given him the boot reference that, it works so much better when you understand that PTSD is giving them a kicking because you can work around that......otherwise you think they are just being a pain in the ass.

Good to hear that you are feeling better and that your husband is getting some counselling. It takes the load off you a little and consequently reduces the home stress environment. Take care of you.

 

[jods]

Hi Kerrie-Anne,

Hope you & bubs are doing well & you are taking some well deserved me time.

It has only been in the last month or so that I have learnt to "let go" of things & allow hubby to step up to the plate when I've realised that if I don't, I will crash & burnout.

I know this trauma therapy is going to bring out the worst I've yet to see in PTSD & its going to be a long, hard road. Bring it on- I'm feeling stronger than I have in months & I'm ready to take this journey with the man I love.

I know hubby is scared but I have reassured him that I'm not going anywhere. I have also told him he is not to BS to his doc or me.

We go to his appt tomorrow. He will see the doc & I'm going for sushi. Wish us luck!

Be kind to yourself
Jods

 

[Deleted member 3]

Jods,

It is good that you are learning the lesson of 'letting go' quicker than I did. I am still working on that! It will make the tough road easier for you and you are right, sometimes they just have to dig deep and step up to the plate. Burn out is something that none of the support people can afford and the only way to avoid that is to take care of us too!! I really should follow my own advice but as I said I am getting better at that.

On that note, I have a uni assignment to get stuck into and some more food to eat. Take care, keep the positives with you.

 

[Jen]

Hi well I came home from work today with the shits just money problems as always. My husband wanted to know what was wrong so I told him about a few money problems I was having with our business. Well his mood went down straight away I think I need to learn that I shouldnt tell him things like this because it upsets him to much!:wall:
Bugger gone are the days when you could talk to your husband about anything we have been married 25 years he is just so different. Sorry I have the shits tonight I might ring my Mum!!
Jen

 

[jods]

Jen

Let it out, if we don't b***h to someone we'll go mad!

 

[jods]

What a weird week!

Hubby was told today that he has to go twice a week to this trauma therapy sessions & the doc is happy with his progress so far.
It's knocking the crap out of him but I remind him that it's gotta hurt so he can heal.
As for me: In a month our finances are going to drop quite a bit so I thought that it was about time that I pick up the slack & see if I could return to my former workplace.(I left about 4yrs ago due to having our son).
I went in yesterday just to put the feelers out & when I went in today they said they would fast track my application so I can get back in ASAP.
Then after finding out about hubbys extra sessions I freaked out a little bit because we can only get childcare for the two days that hubby has his appt. This will mean that hubby will have to deal with our son when I go to work. He said that he is all for me going back to work but I'm a bit worried about the extra stress it may put on him while he is going through this therapy.
I know, I'm worrying too much but it is just nice to be able to share my good news that my old boss thinks enough of my work ethic to pull some strings to get me back. Well done me!
Sorry for rambling- Hope everyone is well

 

[anthony]

Very well done Jods... a true judge of character... I wouldn't worry about your husband with the little one, because with PTSD we often relate better with children, it actually helps us manage our own stress levels, depression and anxiety, because children are consuming, and it forces us to get back into life again. This is very well known with PTSD sufferers and children... children don't exert the adult pressures upon us, hence we can cope with their childhood ways, and find them quite therapeudic at the same time.

 

[Jen]

Thanks Jods we have to let it all out sometime dont we? Well done on getting your job back I hope it goes ok for you!
Jen

 

[Deleted member 3]

Jods,

Well done. I too had the same worry when I went back to work full-time this year. I must say for the most part Anthony and Alexander have been fine but don't be fooled that it is all roses. I have found that I couldn't really work late (I used to have to work Wednesday nights) as a day dealing with bubby was often enough. Things were okay as long as bubby wasn't in a mood or teething or generally unwell but the days that he was a bit off I could hear the relief in Anthony's voice when I got home. Be prepared to be worn out because there are days when I literally get in the door and Anthony is quick to do the baby handover. I mean literally keys in the door!! That can be wearing if you have had a tiring day yourself, then you have to drive home and so the day continues. What makes it worse is that nothing will get done at home. Its like theirs cups are just too full and there is no room to even think of doing anything else.

Strategies that I put in place were to get Anthony to the grocery shopping or pick up what is needed for tea - if he is able to. I also try and get a load or two in the washing machine of a night and ask if he can hang that out for me during the day. Bubby goes into daycare one day a week, so Anthony has him two days, break, two days and then its the weekend. Oh and Anthony and Alexander have regular playgroup on Tuesday mornings - its been good for both of them. There are two dads and I think four women and kids who go. Its not so much of a drama at the moment as I am about to go on maternity leave again and am not planning to go back to full-time work. Also convince your husband to tell you if he is unwell so you can operate around that, otherwise you will just go to work stressed. Its a bloke thing I guess but he will probably try and convince you that he is handling it even if he isn't. Lets face it, toddlers are tiring creatures..........they just don't seem to have an off switch!

Sorry to put a dampner on your good news but they say forewarned is forearmed. Like I said, generally it has been okay but you will need to have some strategies in place to make it easier on you.

 

[jods]

Anthony,
Thanks for your honesty about being a stay at home Dad. Hubby has told me that he does feel comfortable with the house hubby role, for now.

Kerrie-Ann
Thanks for the heads up.
I did the old pros & cons list before making the decision & many chats with hubby about the changes we will have to make.
My boss is aware of our situation & has promised that she will do what she can to work around things if needed. The bonus is that I'm going back as a casual so if things don't pan out I can leave without being locked into the old put in a months notice.
My parents live near by so if the s***t does hit the fan we know they are only a phone call away to help us if we need respite.

The one thing I've learnt since hubby's accident is that you are better off keeping your REAL friends & family members that are willing to let you be & offer their support when you need it & if there is any dead wood weighing you down that you have to get rid of them.
Positive people around you help to keep you positive & catch you if you fall. The negitive ones will just try to drag you down with them & will kick you when your down.
I've pruned my tree & it feels good!

 

[Deleted member 3]

Jods,

Its good that you have extra support people to help out, they are a blessing if you are lucky enough to have them nearby. You are right about the deadwood, nothing like an illness to let you find out who your real friends are. We found the same thing and we are better for finding out. At least you are not wasting valuable time and energy on people who could really care less.

 

[jods]

Just need to take my mind of hubby who as we speak is trying to get the courage up to get on a train from the city to come home. I offered to go in and meet him but bless his cotton socks,he wants to do it on his own.
Ahhh feel better just getting that out. Thanks