Killashandra
Silver Member
Hi all, ,
This is the first time since my latest recovered memory, that I've posted. I've been delving deep within my psyche as this particular recovered memory I was conscience of it. So I experienced it differently than other times, it was so out of the blue, but the fact that I recognized it is a BIG achievement for me.
It was difficult for my husband as we were about to be intimate, and it was a CSA recovered memory. I knew I triggered. I know the exact moment of it..and I think I felt the build up too... something inside me was saying, this was a bad idea. . Basically I like sex and I'm fascinated on the subject and I like watching the cult classics when it was taboo, ive been to the sex museum in Amsterdam, so anyway thre was a particular movie I saw on stan that I thought would be cool to watch.. um not so cool.
The curiousness of this is the power of Validation. When I triggered and realized that I actually hadn't made it up, it was real and was abusive, it was like a box had been closed. I was validated that my memories are correct and I'm not crazy! ☺☺☺ I am in awe of the power of this. The release, sure its been hard these past 2 weeks with difficulties of my triggering, triggering my husband and dealing with his emotions on top of mine. But I feel like a step has been taken that can't be taken back..
So now I wonder if I can do it again? Will I recognise a trigger as it happens and deal with it,
All the best people.
Killa
This is the first time since my latest recovered memory, that I've posted. I've been delving deep within my psyche as this particular recovered memory I was conscience of it. So I experienced it differently than other times, it was so out of the blue, but the fact that I recognized it is a BIG achievement for me.
It was difficult for my husband as we were about to be intimate, and it was a CSA recovered memory. I knew I triggered. I know the exact moment of it..and I think I felt the build up too... something inside me was saying, this was a bad idea. . Basically I like sex and I'm fascinated on the subject and I like watching the cult classics when it was taboo, ive been to the sex museum in Amsterdam, so anyway thre was a particular movie I saw on stan that I thought would be cool to watch.. um not so cool.
The curiousness of this is the power of Validation. When I triggered and realized that I actually hadn't made it up, it was real and was abusive, it was like a box had been closed. I was validated that my memories are correct and I'm not crazy! ☺☺☺ I am in awe of the power of this. The release, sure its been hard these past 2 weeks with difficulties of my triggering, triggering my husband and dealing with his emotions on top of mine. But I feel like a step has been taken that can't be taken back..
So now I wonder if I can do it again? Will I recognise a trigger as it happens and deal with it,
All the best people.
Killa
