Dom Violence The Dark...

[Mayday1210]

I actually have been doing ok for quite a while & retriggers were minimal until this past March. Background: My PTSD originated from being a survivor of domestic violence & the relationship with this narcissistic/sociopath. I was able to cope for years until my new boss arrived on the scene & started verbally abusing & bullying me. I live alone in a secure apartment building.

I slowly started to lose sleep & the extreme hyper vigilence started at night. The fear I have is debilitating. I sleep with almost all lights on & face the door while attempting to sleep. I average 45-50 minutes a night of sleep. I can sleep during the day with very little issues but at night my ptsd symptoms go crazy. The feeling that I will be harmed by someone/something being at my most vulnerable is terrifying. I fear that someone will break in to my apartment & hurt me is slowly taking my life away from me.

About a month ago a huge fire broke out at my apartment building & no one knew I was home & I was the last one out. I ended up moving in with a friend who unfortunately works nights but it has come to a point here that I don't feel in control or safe here due to sketchy people stopping over all hours of the day looking for the previous home owners, who I believe we're into drugs of some kind.

I'm slowly losing my mind here. I hardly sleep & am in a constant fight or flight mode. I am on meds & have a great care team however this has been progressively getting worse the last 6 plus months. I have lost my job & am on long term disability.

Anyone have any words of wisdom or share similar triggers?

 

[Friday]

This is a revolving problem of mine... But I usually sort it by sleeping in the daytime & working at night.

When I'm not working, one of the useful things about being in the city are the 24 hour, late open, & early open establishments; gyms, university libraries, hospitals, cafés, grocery stores, cinemas, museums, airports, etc. Places where there are enough people to keep them safely populated (although a fraction of the people who will be there in the daytime), and are someplace to go with things to do, even if it's find a quiet place to curl up and read a book. There's also super crowded night times spots (bars, clubs/dance, sporting events, concerts, etc.) but I'm not a huge fan of crowds, and they close "early". I still go, and there are certainly tricks to avoid the throngs of people when I'm feeling antisocial, but while they're what people usually think of when going "out" at night? They aren't my usual destination. Far more likely to find me in a gym for about 4 hours (watch a movie on a treadmill, swim, some martial arts/stretching/yoga type stuff, take a shower... And 4 hours just flies. Add a meal break halfway, and there's 5 hours gone), then at a library for a few hours, then a cafe, then head home around dawn or a little after.

 

[GrayOwl]

Workplace bullying is a trigger not to be under estimated.
Nor is the trauma or displacement of a fire.
These are very serious events and you are wise to reach out for help.
Treat them as major events. Seek therapy and look for healthy coping mechanisms.
Welcome to the forums here. There are many here who can offer insight wisdom and compassion, all necessary to combat trauma.
I wish you the best in your healing.