The Endeavour For A Better And Happy Life

[rainy_daze]

@greenleaf , the book is a bit out of budget at the moment. I'm going to see if I can find a copy in a library. I still think a thread about it or how it is helping you is a great idea. If you start one, tag me here and then I can join in when I have the book :) or ask you lots of questions about it :rolleyes:.

Chronic pain management: I found a ten week yoga course I can do at home in an old book someone gave me years ago. I need to try this and see if it can help. I notice they use a special pillow in the photographs, so I'll need to recreate a rounded pillow from my normal ones :laugh:. A mat I can make from a blanket pretty easily.

I want to try some of the yoga poses first though, to get used to them. I will also not be holding them for too long, until my body gets used to it.

The other areas have been lost the past few days. Time to pick myself back up again. :ninja:.

 

[rainy_daze]

@Britt.f7 you've been quiet, are you okay? I hope you're doing fine. I cheer you on when you have your days when you get out and about. I relate to you on the struggle that can be. I spent most of today in bed. I didn't leave the house, and it was a beautiful sunny day.

I'm going to see if I can find a copy in a library

There are no copies according to the online catalogues :(. It will be the first book I buy when I have money, and this is a long-term kind of goal, as financially everything is in crisis. My reasoning is it can't hurt to try to read some of this book, and if it does hurt I can close the book. How are you getting on with it greenleaf?

I've stared at the various yoga poses for some time. There's a few I don't like, so I probably won't do them. They involve a ledge. I don't have any ledges in my house that seem like the right height for the yoga pose :laugh:. I'm reading a thread about yoga as well. I've been entrenched in depression again, so I'm finding it hard to actually start the ten week course :sour:. It's on my Monday to do list.

I would very much like to come back to this thread around mid-July and reflect on what progress I've made [it was my 6 month endeavour deadline :eek: and be honest about all the stuff that has got in the way]. I'd like to at least be able to say I started my at home yoga course.

I'll :brb: around then.

 

[greenleaf]

Hi @rainy_daze! The book, near the beginning, recommends that one use it only in therapy of some sort so one can get adequate support. It mentions that some sections can be helpful without a therapist; it's not like the world will explode to open it without a therapist present, but the support thing is definitely important if you're messing with your useful defenses.

I'm understanding why it says that... I have managed a few sessions of looking at a few pages. I used to be able to read absolutely anything, but now I find myself reacting with pretty strong emotions. Which are scary, by the way. Which this book talks about. That's scary too but in a different way... it's a very new experience to have the exact stuff I'm going through, in words, and to see additional stuff there that I realize is true but had been really strongly ignoring. The dissociation thing about how to really ignore something you have to ignore ignoring it.

I've also managed to get myself to switch therapists to someone who lists trauma and dissociation among her specialties. She had heard of this book, unlike my previous therapist. So, I hope to have more to tell you soon!

 

[Britt.f7]

@rainy_daze Thanks for asking about me. I've been doing better. Still working on getting out. My therapist said I should really congratulate myself on the days I do, but it is so hard, because I think everyone does this. It's no big deal. In reality, getting out is a big deal for us, as you well know. I'm sorry to here you spent the day mostly in bed. I understand. Hang in there. We can do this! :hug:

 

[rainy_daze]

I hope to update this properly when I'm in an articulate frame of mind. :). I gave myself an around the 15th of July deadline for reviewing how I managed or didn't manage 6 months of living life, basically. I will do this soon. Right now is just too :sleep::banghead:.

 

[rainy_daze]

Areas identified:
Social
Eating (healthily, and more)
Physical fitness and exercise
Chronic pain management
Employment and finances (including paying off debt)
Hobbies/activities/actual enjoyment of life
Physical and psychological well-being (this includes a lot of aspects, like self-care and symptom management)

Endeavour update [in order of the above areas, with gaps to make it easier to read]:

• Since therapy finished, a feeling that I have no one to share the memories with. I realise I can actually write them down, I can own them as my own, and I can do my best not to let them overpower me or ruin the rest of my life.
• I can choose when I want to be social. I always have the option to leave. I have choices, which I think I'm working on making.

• My lack of appetite gets in the way and makes me tired. It is my responsibility to eat better. I can do this. I deserve to eat when I'm hungry. I need to eat even if I don't feel hungry.

• The exercise, fitness and chronic pain all go hand in hand. I can handle walking more than I can handle yoga. I'm more aware of making myself comfortable when the pain flares up in my back. This is a big improvement from simply trying to push through or ignore the pain. I've asked for the help that I need with this now, instead of trying to do it all on my own.

• The financial and employment stuff is difficult to talk about. I have some solutions. I've learned a bit about disability rights in the UK, which gives me the confidence that I can get a job, as long as an employer thinks I'm the right person for the position. I'm slowly gaining confidence. It's more my sleep pattern that puts me off work now than the back pain, because if an employer could give me breaks it'll be easier to manage. It's getting to work on time that worries me. I will figure out the solution in time, when there's less stressors around with my family. I can't do everything all at once.

• Over the past 6 months I was grieving. I was finishing up with therapy. It was a horrible time, some of the time. It wasn't all bad though. In amongst all the emotional pain, there was happiness too. Moments where I was happy to be alive, and hopeful. Moments where I laughed a lot. I deserve more of these.
• Life can get in the way. Sometimes circumstances wear me out and I want to give up. If I hold on to the joyful things, I can not only survive, but I can be happier. I can live, instead of just existing. Being here has helped me feel a lot more connected to the world, and going through therapy has started to spark off a wiser side in me.
• I still want to work on enjoying life more, even just the little things that make me happy.

^ All of that is part of being well. When I say that I mean getting to a stage where I'm happier, grateful and stronger. I still do not take care of myself properly, but in comparison to how I was taking care of myself in January, I'm doing the best I have been in years.

Maybe what I needed when I started this thread was to know on some level that things were awful and I was neglecting myself. It was also to inspire myself and keep myself going. It was to believe that I can have a better life, but that involves me actually doing things, and not just thinking about doing them.

I'm actually using grounding techniques and breathing [I have good examples of this too. I'm really proud of myself]. I've allowed myself to remember the memories, but I've also allowed myself to remember where I am [it is not happening now, I am safe]. My partner came up with something good to snap me out of dissociation too, and it's working.

That is my update :happy:. Whatever happens in life, happens. I'm doing my best.

:hug: or :coffee: or a cake or something nice for everyone here who help me by sharing wisdom, experiences and jokes :D it's all made my life a lot better than I could have imagined when I first joined. Thank you.

 

[The Albatross]

Nice post! Keep it handy for those ebbs and bumps? :tup:

 

[greenleaf]

@rainy_daze, I love your post. You do deserve to eat better! You deserve to feel the kind of physical contentment that comes from good regular nourishment, you deserve to be healthy, and you deserve to enjoy foods you like. (In my universe these usually include chocolate or garlic, but not both.)

I'm really glad you are doing more grounding and breathing practice! I have been working on breathing too -- need to do more grounding...

This afternoon I am going on a horseback ride! A mellow horse. Lovely area. This usually grounds me in a way. Animals react on a level that seems to get me pretty well un-dissociated. (There is a curled up feline next to the computer here.)

I am going to re-read your post later today, Rainy, and I think tomorrow too.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @rainy_daze that sounds like wonderful progress. :) :tup: :tup: :hug:

My I ask, what works to bring you out of dissociating?

You deserve ALL Good things. :hug: (Not 'shouting', but I will if you want because it is simply true. :inlove: )

 

[rainy_daze]

:hug::) I would have struggled with this on my own. Happy for the resources here, and above all, the wonderful people.

@The Albatross :D A wise idea because I can be forgetful.

@greenleaf I hope you had a good time. That sounds like a great idea for grounding and having fun.

@Junebug , my partner has started to say a word :eek: :wtf: but he does it in a silly voice. He can see when I've gone somewhere else. I worry sometimes other people can see it, but I don't think they notice I'm not listening or paying attention. [He said it today and I replied "But I haven't gone anywhere, I'm still here" and he said "I know, I just really like the word anyway" :hilarious:] :rolleyes:.

Feeling things helps, even if it's just my clothes. Knowing the date and time. Looking around the room to see what I can see. I feel my nails a lot too, which probably looks like a nervous habit but it keeps me aware of my body physically. Trying to focus and not be distracted. I think I'm getting better at it. Oh, smellng nice things is good, that calms me down. Like after I wash my hands I smell the soap. Silly but true :p. This thread helped a lot:

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/what-types-of-grounding-techniques-do-you-do.39486/

The ones my therapist talked about were sitting on a chair and feeling my hands on the arms of the chair, my feet on the ground, hearing my breathing. See, hear, smell, feel. I think I will add in taste so I can eat better. [Edit: I take my happy list everywhere, and I always have pen and paper. Always. I don't know if this counts as grounding, but I feel safer having it.]

She said it's fine to tell medical people that I have PTSD if I'm worried. I've said to be gentle, which seems to get the message across. It's only certain lady exams that send me through the roof :eek:.

I think I've taken bits of grounding from everywhere and I'm adapting. Dissociation is still there [I don't always snap out of it, sometimes it takes over and I have cooking disasters. I think more sleep lessens it IMHO]. Maybe I'm just less afraid of dissociation now too. Or maybe I'm noticing the world around me more. Stepping out of my bubble. I might need to change my avatar :).