The Fight Response to Stressful Situations.

[becvan]

I was just chatting with someone and I was talking about how when I am hit or have a gun in my face, that I get really combative.

I have had situations where I've had a gun pulled on me, and I've pulled the barrel right to me head and dared the person to pull it. I have refused to go down when getting beat, refused to shut up even. I just won't back down.

This is not sometimes, it's every time for getting hit or guns.

I don't like talking about it because I consider it so odd. I wonder, am I ****ing crazy? Or maybe I just have some insane death wish going. I've had people ask me to "back them up" because they consider me so "tough." I'm the size of a pea! I think they are nuts. I don't like fighting either.

I'll back down for other things, like knives, threats, rape. It really made no sense to me.

Until my friend said: it's a fight response. And it just went off like a light bulb in my head.

We rarely talk about this response. In fact, other than lip service, I don't recall a single conversation in depth on this. Surely I'm not alone though.

What about you guys? Do you react like this sometimes or to certain things?

bec

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I've had some weird experiences like you stated. I had a man threaten to kill me and I gave him my address and said come do it. I was so mad I didn't care at the time

I was at a store when I was 6 months pregnant and accidentally pulled out in front of a man. He got out of his car and came up to my car to argue. I rolled down my window and argued with him. He insinuated he had a gun and I didn't care. Finally, when he seen I didn't care he parked and went in the store. We both were giving each other dirty looks while standing in the check out lane. Later, I thought what a stupid move that was, he could have killed me.

I have had friends come and get me to fight their battles on so many occasions I can't even count. I would black out while fighting and not remember the fights. Other people had to tell me what I did, and how I ended up with certain injuries.

I used to hit my ex-husband back and it only turned into him beating me so bad I couldn't move. But I didn't quit until I literally couldn't move.

I'm very combative at times and very paranoid on other occasions. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to my behavior except maybe it has to do with the mood I'm in at the time of the incident.

I realized there was a problem, and went to therapy and was able to stop this behavior. However, it still pops up when it's that time of the month.

 

[oksofineimnutz]

G'Morning....sitting here reading this...i had a few thoughts jump out at me and wanted to share along the lines of what you are saying. Albeit, a little twisted along the way...but hey...thats me *sighs*

Just last night, there was a problem and oh yeah, i rose to the occasion like the Mama Bear that i am....backed the fool up and laid the idiot out flat *not physically* definetly shut them up and put them in their place.....then smiled and winked at my kidz and we all walked away. Yeahhh for me right? of course, but then.....why cant i do that when it comes to myself?? stand up and handle things that need to be handled for my own safety and inner well being????????
i laid in bed last night tossing and turning...not able to sleep.....beating myself up mentally for not having the same courage FOR MYSELF as i do for my children. I really should be able to do that shouldnt i?? i mean, i can do it for my kidz....i should be able to summon up that same courage and do it for myself. *sighs* i try to follow all the "tips for your trip to a healthy inner you" (hahahaha i just made that title up) but well, it seems i just dont have the courage or strenght to really protect myself when i need too if and when i am placed or find myself in a "sticky situation". oh heck, i dont know...i just havent found it yet. Sometimes it feels like i dig so deep trying to find it...pull it out of me...i should have holes in the bottom of me feet!

 

[Linda]

Hi Bec,
I think the "fight reponse" is actually normal, as every higher animal, humans included, are programmed to defend themselves when needed.
I go straight into fight when hit, even if the opponent is a bigger mail. Good thing, nobody had hit me for a very long time :) I also react with fighting response if someone annoys me a great deal (for example, repeatedly calling me names I hate). onse for that reason I had broke the guy's nose with my hand. For the same reason, I had never done well in my fighting class years ago, as I was afraid to get violent and to hit an opponent seriously.
However, there are all the reason to assume that this is just "an extreme of normal".

 

[morgan]

Fight, flight or freeze. I think it all depends on how you are triggered in that moment. I know for myself I've had many traumas and various responses to each of them. Maybe it does have something to do with your preceding mood. I don't know. I do know this... If I look back at any single trauma I have endured and try to relive it... I often wish I had fought... no matter how stupid it would have been. I tend to wish I had been either braver or smarter depending on the flashback. (There are times when I did fight and wish I hadn't because it might have been less painful too). In a nutshell... I'm never satisfied with my particular brand of survival... And all it is is instinct! Animals have the same three responses when you back them into a corner. For example, a deer in headlights.
Did I ramble? Sorry. These are my thoughts as I thunk 'em.:wink:

 

[2quilt]

Two similar fights, but I reacted very differently in each : I have been in hundreds of physical fights with men bigger than I am, older than I am, and we both ended up getting hurt, but a few years ago, a demented older man caused a car accident with mine on purpose and after we stopped our vehicles on the side of the road, he walked back to mine, and when I rolled down my driver' side window to speak to him, he grabbed a handful of my hair and tore it out and punched me. I rolled up my window as fas as I could after I got my head and hair back out of his hand, and locked my door, and I just sat there and cried. That crazyass proceded to lick my driver's side glass, punch my door, key my van, then go get a tire iron. I did not have a cell phone. I just sat there frozen and cried. I should have gotten out and kicked his ass. The cop arrived so the crazyass put the tireiron away and told the cop that he didn't see my van and changed lanes and gently hit my van accidently. I told the cop what really happened. The cop believed the old man, even though my face was red and there was saliva on the window and fresh evidence of keying on my van. His car insurnace paid to have my van fixed, but I did get some PTSD from the accident.
The point is, why did I freeze when I could have beat the shit out of him? Later, I checked the man's background and learned that the cops had arrested this man multiple times for domestic abuse and later that year he was responsible for yet another car accident, this one a head-on, across the median. If I had known what he had done to his wife when he was walking toward my van, maybe I would have met him in front of my van with my handy dandy hub cap remover.

 

[kers]

I read something about how we often fall back on the defenses that work for us, in terms of fight/flight/freeze. That is, if we try to flee in a traumatic situation and it doesn't work, we're unlikely to use that defense again.

I know this is true for me--I'm a programmed freezer, I *always* freeze. It worked, way back when, and my brain goes straight to it now, even though now it doesn't always work or isn't the best choice (like when I can clearly flee). I wonder if there's something of that in your fight response, bec? At the same time, I do think this is a very simplistic view of our responses.

 

[Vapor]

I need to talk to my therapist about this. I often get the fight response. Usually its if I have accidentally hurt myself, or someone has accidentally hurt me. I have punched people in the face and kneed in the ribs because of it. My problem is, I dont even think about it. I go from being completly fine, to in a complete rage within a split second, i dont gradually get angrier and angrier.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Vapor, I used to be exactly like that, but went to therapy for 3 years and realized alcohol played a big part in it. I didn't have to be drunk to act like that either.

Once I stopped drinking I slowed down on the fighting. Then I went years without fighting (had some real close calls and still do) but it's been 8 years and a battery charge to remind me.

The point being is that some how alcohol had something to do with it. I'm not sure what your situation is, but maybe you can figure out if there is an element that is making this worse for you.

Tammy

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I want to add something else to this. When I was a child I would never hit anyone even if they hit me and hit me etc. I found it to be humiliating and just walked away.

During my attack I fought with every ounce of strength I had, and that's how it's been every since.

There were a couple of times in the past several years where I wanted to back down from a fight because I knew I would feel a victory when I can control it. But on the other hand I feel that I look like that foolish little girl who walked away in shame.

So my pride pushes me to fight even if I am able to control it on an instinctual level. Thank goodness the other person changed their mind. It's a hard situation to deal with.

 

[Vapor]

wow seeking nirvana, im so glad you overcame that and came off the alcohol.

I dont drink at all, I used to drink around 6 pints a night at university, but when I moved to the states i just stopped.

when I got beaten around as a kid (had stitches once, and got burned a few times) i would never fight back.

Then when i was 16 something just snapped. my mother punched me, I threw her on the floor and threatned her, she never hit me again.

this is going to be a difficult thing to overcome, but I know I can do it.

 

[dshanks]

fight response

I can certainly relate to the fight response you are talking about, however I am not as brave as you are and feel powerless when I feel this coming on except when it involves something my husband has said or done to get me upset. When a stranger does something that stresses me out like braking when I am close behind or turning his vehicle without signalling or just breaking the rules of the road, I take it as a personal attack and when it is extremely stressful I may come close to provoking the person and I freak out and the anger is turned inward. That is my experience with the fight response. I am not brave enough to react because I know that it could be a very explosive situation should I react. But in the end it takes everything out of me because I really wanted to push the person and instead I raise my voice and get angry at the person and myself for not doing anything:wall: