General The Guilt Of Having A Bad Day

[Nicolette]

I was wondering if other carers feel guilty if they have a bad day.

Sometimes I can have my off day, like the best of us, and no matter how hard I try not to, I end up saying something bitchy. This seems to coincide with my monthly cycle and I think that I would blurt out the wrong thing even if I gaffer taped my mouth shut. :rolleyes:

The problem with this is I then feel guilty and like I am contributing to a bad day for Anthony. I never intentionally mean to make him sick, in fact try everything to avoid it, but sometimes the crazy hormones cause me to have an emotional overload and if he happens to be having an off day which coincides with mine I take personal responsibility for it thinking it must have been me who is it blame. Yes I know about the PTSD cup and all that stuff but logic is not always the first thing which comes to mind when emotionally overloaded.

Feeling guilty then doesn't do me any favours as I then tend to feel worse and get overly sensitive. Argh...........

Most days I deal really well with PTSD and know when to "pull my head in" but once a month I struggle and then feel really bad for being human. :crazy:

 

[2quilt]

I tell my Darling Husband, "For the next week, I am hereby appologizing in advance for my bitchiness. Pass the chocolate."

 

[Cin]

I know I do, Nicolette. We're only human but yeah, thinking about that fact logically isn't easy some times. I blame being Catholic, I tend to carry guilt about everything and anything.

 

[Yumeko-chan]

Haha, apparently I get kinda scary for a week before AF hits, and my b/f is always like "Why are you yelling at meeee?" I just say (in an equally whiny voice as his) "I can't help it!!" And I can't! He just gets more irritating to me during that time :rofl:

 

[TLight]

Same goes for me! I've always had increased irritablity and then throw PTSD on top of that and I"m ready to be institutionalized for at least a week. It is really screwed.

We are lucky as women to have guys that understand. My new BF gets very calm and rational and just tries to talk me down and reassure that he would do anything to make me happy, although I'm headed straight for 'anything you do will make me ballistic' zone. He is extremely patient.
We are both in our 40s and the first time it happened I realized later in the day it was due to my period and I apoligized. He said, "It's ok darling, I know how this goes.........what'da think I'm a newbie?" He was married for 20 years. I laughed and laughed. Thank heavens for understanding men.

It seems Anthony would be able to realize what's happening and give it the correct amount of weight in his life. I wouldn't worry too much about it Nicole.........be nice to you.

 

[tude]

Nicolette,

We are all human. Therefore, we all have bad days for whatever reason. You too are allowed to have bad days and to learn from them-- just like anyone else. You're ahead of the curve in my book. Some people don't even have the capacity for that kind of recognition to even learn from it.

Take care,
tude

 

[Grama-Herc]

Nicolette,

It is not just you or this conditon or the condition of our loved one.

I do the same thing with mother. I think that anyone who is a "'Carer'" of another person is going to have bad days. Dealing with anothers issues be it mental health or physical health is difficult.

I have been connecting with others whose parents are in various stages of Alzheimer's and the first thing I learned is to accept the fact that caring for a loved one is hard. We will stress out and we will react, some times not so good. And yes, the guilt will be there. We will feel guilty if we "think" we have been verbally mean or ignored them in some way. It is what ails "carers"!

We are human and need to cut ourselves a little slack. We, as carers, need to remember to care for ourselves too! It is a common thing for carers to ignore themselves and their needs no matter what the circumstances. Don't beat yourself up. Go out and give yourself a break, eat some chocolate, window shop or BOTH!!
But do something for Nicolette.

 

[jods]

I'm also guilty of that too.

I just try to be upfront to hubby about it & say just give me a bit of space or will get your head bitten off. I must admit I do try to go "quiet" but sometimes I think my silence speaks louder than my words.

I do tell hubby it is not directed at him but I suppose the old male lets fix this must kick into place for them sometimes.

hmmm maybe I should just look into getting a punching bag at home so I can get my grr out that way & a packet of timtams that will never run out, lol

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Nicolette,

I think you sound "just right", just the way you are.

I bet you if you weren't human (which is really a lot of what bad days are all about), then no one would relate to you or feel comfortable. We all have to "let it out", sometimes.

I think now is the time to give yourself the TLC and benefit of the doubt.

(P.S- Re: "monthly visitor", out here we call it the "Curse", -it's so nice... :eek: )

 

[amethist]

Dear Nicolette
I am ' Guilty as Charged' We have a code in our house, if i am having an off day but my hubby is on a level and i go into quiet mode he leaves me alone so i don't say anyting to upset him and trigger a crisis, he makes me a coffee then leaves me to get on with it. But if he is having a bad day and i go off on one through frustration of the whole situation, i usually go out for an hour, do some shopping go to my daughters, anything so i don't say something i will regret. I feel guilty for doing this but because we have talked about what to do when these situations arise, we manage to get through them without detroying each other.

I have learned a lot from this site aspecially of how to react to things so hopefully not to make them worse. we are always told look after ourselves or we cannot look after them. Sounds like good advise.

Take care and smile at youself in the mirror from time to time. If you do it on good days it helps you see the funny side of things.

Take care
Amethist

 

[Nicolette]

Thanks everyone for your responses.

Just to clarify, Anthony knows "my cycle" very well and he just asks me what date it is and laughs. Under these normal conditions its fine and he respects that I may be grumpy and we laugh that at least I'm predictable versus never knowing when PTSD will raise its head. :rolleyes:

I think my guilt is not these times but when Anthony has had a bit going on and my emotional change is the icing on the cake or the straw that breaks the camel's back. I then see him fall over with PTSD and hence the guilt thinking I am to blame. Mind you, based on what I read here, I am very lucky as it usually just means he sleeps for a day or two and he doesn't turn nasty like when we first met. He does so well and that's why I really hate thinking I have made him fall over....:crazy:

 

[fin]

We just fall over Nicolette, it isn't that someone 'made' us. Be kinder to yourself, these are ups and downs that we get anyway. I know I am preaching to the choir here and you know this is true, just sometimes it is hard to acknowledge and remember.
I just think you two are really rather lovely. It gives me some hope on a lot of levels. And I think that how Anthony has worked through is just amazing, I know you are proud of him and you have great reason to be. Be proud of both of you. Anthony doing so well is also testament to your relationship as well as Anthony's hard work, although I don't want it to seem that I am diminishing A's hard work, just know that you now feature into this as well. It takes love and understanding and that mutual respect to make a sucess of any relationship and you guys are.

~fin