The Hamster Wheel Of Therapy

[watundah]

I've been doing my work w the T for a little over 4 years. I've learned a considerable amount about myself, and her, and the last year was tough in that it brought up a lot of repressed memories and experiences that I never knew existed.

Am I all fixed? No. Will I ever be? Will any one ever be all fixed?And while we touched on those traumas, I'm not sure they were processed - whatever that means.

I am highly functioning in that I get along very well in the real world, retired early, have friends and hobbies and a long term relationship. I still have anxiety, I still have trust issues, I can still have an occasional flashback and be triggered once in a while. But I go through the day to day pretty darned well, have a solid self esteem, and a lot of tenacity.

Whenever I have a few weeks break in therapy, I wonder why I am even doing it. The sky doesn't fall down around me, I don't piss off people or dump my friends. Yet, I go back. There is something about the break that makes me feel like, "Ha, see you're fine. You don't need no stinkin' therapy'. Yet I went through a lot as a kid that was never processed. And that wounded part is still in there. But usually it only shows up when I'm IN therapy.

I am going on a trip where I'll be away for six weeks, and I'm sure I'll completely convince myself that I don't need to go back. But I will. I have an attachment to my therapist, so maybe that is part of it - but I'm supposed to, right? I have mentioned this to my T and she asks me why I am coming to therapy. True, trust issues and relational issues remain. I dunno, I guess I just am wondering whether I need to go, or am I just going because it seems like the thing to do. Does anyone ever feel like this? Is it just another path of avoidance? So confusing...

 

[Fiadh]

I felt this way and with the NHS have had to take that break. I thought before that I wouldn't manage without my T, even a week off would have me freaking out a bit. however 3 months after finishing and I'm managing ok. I know I've got so much stuff I've got to work on, but that's up to me now and I feel like I've got time in the future to do that in.

Take time to enjoy your 6 weeks and reasses, I don't think it's necessarily avoidance. Somtimes you can manage to work on your symptoms in other ways, it
Might mean on your own. That has been harder for me than going to therapy, knowing that I can stilll function without that person. It's a hard choice to make, but if all else fails, you can always go back maybe :D

 

[watundah]

Thanks! I went in today and she anticipated my usual post-break reluctance and managed to poke a few weak spots. :shifty:
I guess she has a good memory. I will relish the break. That is a good point about working things on our own.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I've been doing my work w the T for a little over 4 years. I've learned a considerable amount about my...

I think it may be similar to physical therapy. Every time I have had a physical injury I did not only train until the symptoms of the injury were gone, I incorporated that training into my regular physical training.
I believe mental health matters are similar, heck, with all of the friends you have you may want to check with them what they think. Perhaps you guys can even start a sort of supportive friendship group, in which you may be able to get similar type of feedback on issues that bother you or just get opinions from your friends about certain life situations. It sounds to me like you are in a phase of transferring from therapy into maintenance counseling. And that is a huge field in itself. There are tons of counselors that treat patients not because they have life threatening issues, but rather to help them cope with life and the challenges it brings, sort of like a life coach I guess.
A partner, a therapist, a good friend can be a life coach, that is up to you.

 

[roaringrachel]

It sounds like a break from therapy might be really helpful to you! You can try this 6 weeks off, see how the symptoms are and see how well you manage on your own. And realize that if you do decide to quit, you can ALWAYS call and make another appointment for extra support and start going again.

I know for me, that little inner part of me feels like it's never going to feel better no matter how much therapy I have. And I don't know, but I feel like there are certain things in therapy that you can talk about a million times and they might be a little better but never fully resolved. And that's ok, as long as it isn't ruling your life, which it doesn't sound like it is.

Another thing, because you have been seeing your therapist for so many years, it's really important that you go through a proper termination processe with her if you do decide to stop going. Take the time to talk about leaving, come up with a self help plan, talk about all that you've accomplished. You need a good closing on the end of therapy.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I remember the day when I walked into my therapists office and quit therapy. She was non plussed about it and it was the best decision I had made for me.

I began to work on myself and when I am shaky and can afford it, I go in for a tune up with a different therapist. It gets me back on track and I am on my way. I have not had to go back for a very long time now.

I did go back for EMDR and it really did wonders for me.

I don't think that quitting therapy at this time will hurt you. Keep your options open and enjoy!

 

[watundah]

Thanks. I am having a hard time cutting the cord, thinking there are still things to fix. Maybe there is more healing to do? Or maybe I'm good enough? Argh. Or maybe it's time to dig in deeper again. Lots to consider.