News The High Cost Of Being A Fool For Online Love

[sea]

How do you explain a compliant victim? "Michael" is clearly an abusive jerkwad. She is clearly, as you say gullible, she is also compliant. How many wives of abusive men fit the same criteria? Only, because this is online, the fact that he is a jerkwad is cleverly colluded in the face of it being All Her Fault For Being So Stupid As The Internet Clearly Only Has Evil People On It. IMO, it doesn't make Michael any less of a dick.

People support their abusers in the real world all the time for the same reasons as this chick. Surely he'll change. Surely he loves me. Surely he'll use the money for something decent. I don't see nearly as much victim blaming toward them. Remove the internet from the equation. Are you still convinced she's a terribly stupid person who is all to blame for her own suffering?

She's obviously mental ill, it's in the first paragraph. Melinda is a 20-year-old student in Western Pennsylvania who has watched her mother suffer deeply during the past 10 years, losing her husband and her job and waging an intense battle with agoraphobia – fear of public spaces – which progressed to the point where she is essentially homebound.

This guy knew that and used it to exploit her. It says that she hasn't had any luck with men and that this was her last hope, meaning she probably didn't have anybody around giving her attention like this guy and guess what, she liked it? played the part of desperate lover, typing sweet nothings into a chat room and pledging a happy-ever-after life – beautiful homes, cars, luxurious trips....

He found someone sad, lonely, ill, and in desperate need of attention and exploited her for 10,000 dollars. He wormed his way into her life with the same bullshit promises that people's abusers on this very forum have used. I love you, I'll change, it's for your own good, we're gonna be together, it'll work, you are the best person in all the world.

Now it's in a news article and everybody is calling her a gullible person who needs to slap herself from her own stupidity. It's a f*cking sin.

Believe me, my level of compassion for those kinds of compliant victims doesn't run super high. My basic stance when confronted with one is tell them to leave and if they don't leave, move on. They clearly aren't ready to leave, they clearly aren't ready to confront their abuse, they clearly just aren't ready. Nobody or nothin can make them ready but themselves.

It's a waste of empathy IMO and I've done the same thing on this forum as well. Avoided those kinds of people who won't listen because they are compliant victims. If there's anything I could do to affect change I would, but if I can't, and they aren't willing to listen, my empathy stops and I move on. So yeah, I get it. But it's still not Just Because They Are Sooooooooooo Stupid. It's basic psychology.

 

[mamachick]

Sea-I see your point and yes people are fooled regardless of where and how they have met. When you offered to pay someones internet bill, where you expecting something in return? Im guessing you were not. I think that is the difference. These people are expecting something in return-a relationship. They would not fork the money over if the con just said, hey will ya send me money. Its always in hopes of a relationship. I think when a 23 yr old woman with a beautiful picture contacts a 75 yr old man, he must suspect that she is after money. Reminds me of Jack and the Beanstalk.

When you meet someone on the net, you have actually never met them, and body language is the largest part of communication. Trust comes over time. The only prediction we have of someones future behavior is their past behavior-that is the best predictor. Smart people get conned as well, on the internet or otherwise, and to what degree. I think it is more emotional than intellectual decision that gets the victim in trouble. They are vulnerable, not stupid, its wishful thinking at its worst. However, you cant prevent all the cons, but you can educate victims, even vulnerable victims. If you are quoting me that Im sorry that some are evil, I should have clarified, I was not referring to internet specifically, as I have not been conned this way, just believed things that were untrue from people I met otherwise.

 

[mamachick]

This is really no different than people in the real world, except the article was about internet. I certainly did not mean to strike a nerve with you if I did so. In your last post, you clearly explained the way that I feel. The people who do this seem to have not conscience and it is terrible. However, these companies that post the pics and profiles and provide proof are also exploiting the victims further IMO.

 

[Nicolas Connault]

If there is such a thing as "stupidity", it shouldn't be used as an insult, but as a way to attract protection, guidance and compassion. Isn't stupidity similar to low IQ? Should a person with low intelligence be blamed for foolish choices? I don't think people make decisions if they think they're foolish.

 

[mamachick]

Nicholas-ya but I have been down that road and when people tried to guide or protect, I felt insulted. I did take in what others said and stored it, waiting for more evidence I guess. It was nothing compared to the magnitude the woman in the story went through. I didnt give money (didnt have any) or I might have. Just got moved in on, first its a couple shirts, then extra shoes, then telling my college kid she left a fork in the sink and to go clean up.

 

[Nicolas Connault]

I was in a (sort of) similar situation once. There was a guy who was learning about the church we belong to, and he was also looking for a temporary place to stay for two weeks until he got into a rental property. We thought we'd be the good samaritans and let him have one of our rooms. Two months later he was still there, seemed quite comfortable and could never give us any proof that he was looking for a rental property...

It's weird how hard it is to tell people to stop abusing us, once you've initially trusted them and extended a hand to help. One day he went to Perth for some reason, and we told that when he came back, his stuff would be out of the house and would need to find another place. He looked dumb-founded, as if we were the very devil incarnates! He even started crying a bit. We learned later that he had done a similar thing to a number of other people who had been kind, trusting and naive enough to let him do his little parasite routine on them.

 

[mamachick]

I think you had compassion and were taken advantage of. Many of us have and there is no reason to ever feel ashamed. I know that after the fact, I have wondered, what was I thinking. That is how we learn though. We remember how painful it was getting out of a situation and stop before we volunteer more than we can afford.

 

[Nicolas Connault]

You hit the mark. That's why I think it's silly to call people "stupid", when what they've made is a mistake that triggered a downward spiral that was hard to get out of. Mistakes are not "bad", despite what we've been taught at school :-)