The Hunt For A Therapist Starts Anew

[piratelady]

So, I rearrange my schedule, leave work early, show up to the therapists office and he's NOT there!!! He eventually texted his therapist co-worker to tell me he wouldn't make it and will just see me next week. WTF!!! :mad:

I swear, it's yet another relationship where no one gives a crap how their actions affect me! Except this relationship I have to pay for! Oh and his reason, he had a meeting that ran over.

I texted him to cancel next weeks appointment and that I would be fine on my own.

I realize I am probably overreacting but I am just so upset. I haven't been able to get in there for 2 1/2 week and then BAM unplanned cancellation with no advanced notice. I did actually need this appointment. I had crap to talk about. Anyway, so I am trying very hard not to cry. Now I guess need to try to find another therapist that will likely be a crappy therapist anyway. I am considering just going at it on my own. I mean, how bad can I get. My life already sucks.

It's just like everyone in my life, personal and professional...I don't matter. No one ever gives a rat ass how their actions affect me.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sorry this happened to you . I can't believe the nerve of this guy. It is very unproffesional. I can understand why that upset you. That kind of stuff makes me so angry. You are a person with a life. You deserved better than that.

I remember I used to meet with a lady, she was doing a grief class with me. But after going to her house 2 times with her not there, I quit.

This is really rude. I hope you will heal quickly from this. I know you just changed your therapist and started over. It really sucks. I really hate this when it happens to me. I get so fed up with people who blow me off as if it is ok. very unproffessional.

I hope you do not give up and keep on looking. I will have to do this when I am done with the emdr. I do not look forward to it.

You deserve someone who will respect you. No empathy for your plight. I wish you the best. You are feeling normal for what you have been through. Big hugs.

 

[piratelady]

Thank you Gizmo. I have calmed down a bit. I went through my in-network provider list and found one to try calling. It is such a daunting task. I don't live in some big metropolitan area, so it's hard to find information on a therapist before meeting them. There are over 100 in-network providers, I am just not good at narrowing them down.

Then there is my worry that I am throwing in the towel with this guy too soon and simply overreacting. At the same time, if I can't rely on this guy to be there for my appointments, how am I supposed to trust him. I think the part I am most hurt about is the fact that I wanted to talk about something traumatic that keeps bothering me. I wanted to start dealing with something...and instead big let down. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I am so tired of feeling like this. :cry:

I just don't want to play anymore. I want to take my ball and go home.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

At the same time, if I can't rely on this guy to be there for my appointments, how am I supposed to trust him.

I think you should see him one more time and ask him just what you said. Talk him directly and very to the point. See what he says. It may help the patient-therpist relationship or make you realize that you are making the right choice.

On finding a new therapist I know how that goes. The T I have right now is amazing, but it took some work to find him. I have been seeing him for over 2 years now. And I found him in the network just like you are looking. Expect I went through all the providers and looked for if they had filled in the 'about me' ( or something like that) section. Out of about 50 doctors I looked at only about 10 had. From there I narrowed it down by who had wrote it. If it was in third person then that doctor was off my list. My current T had filled it out himself.( or probably did. It was in first person) And when I looked him up, I found he had a up to date website and lots of information about himself. He also had it so you could schedule an appointment online.

At our first appointment he asked "how did you hear about me?". And I jumped into my story about my deductive reasoning skills and how I found him. I was pretty proud of myself! :D He had been writing down what I was saying in his file while I talked. Half way through my speech I realized he was now just staring at me. Oh. :oops: :roflmao:

Take care. And let us know what happens. :)

 

[piratelady]

Thank you Ayesha, for the insight on how you found your therapist. I have one to call, he was one of the few that had any information written about him. If he doesn't work out, I will try what you have done and see how it goes.

 

[Chosen]

I wouldn't go back to a T who did that to you. That's unethical. I don't think the American Psychological Association would be happy about that...cancelling with such short notice, not contacting you himself, and not offering an appointment later that day, that's ridiculous. Hope you can find another one soon.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I think Ayesha has a very good point. But at the same time if you don't have a relationship with this therapist yet, then it might be best to find another. I've watched my mom struggle all my life trying to make therapist/patient relationships work when she was actually seeing a jerk or even just someone who saw it as a paycheck and not a calling to help others. I have met a few of those on my own. Makes it very hard to trust. But then when you find one that fits, you really make a lot of progress. You are so worth every bit of the footwork it takes to find a good fit. Take the time and the effort to do it, you won't regret it.

 

[piratelady]

Thanks for the input everyone.

Loveneverfails: I think it takes a certain type of person to be a therapist. There are some that, as you say, see it as a paycheck and I think they have no business being a therapist.

I decided, at least for the time being, to go back to my old therapist (the one before this one). He was great when I was depressed, and helping me get out of it. For trauma therapy, he was not so awesome. I had time to think about this with a clear head and I feel like my depression is significant right now. I don't want to try to find a new therapist until I am more stable. I am worried that I will call someone, they can't get me in right away, or they are not competent and I get worse. Once I get out of this, I can focus on the trauma again.

I called him today and left a message that I had been seeing someone else, but I am a mess and need to come back if that was OK. He called back and got me in Monday at 4. I already feel like there has been a huge weight lifted off of me. Once I am more stable, and out of this depression, I will talk to him to see if we can make the trauma therapy work or see if he can refer me to someone else who is a bit more...dependable and helpful. At least then it will be less like a crap shoot.

 

[piratelady]

Oh and I almost forgot - flaky therapist sent me a text today that it was unavoidable (his cancelling) and that he respects my decision not to see him anymore. That was not the response I expected. I guess I at least expected an apology.

 

[Loveneverfails]

This therapist sounds like a douche. Not seeing him was definitely the right decision. What a jerky thing to do!

 

[Hashi]

The only good thing I can see in this is that this behaviour happened early and before you invested too much in your relationship with him. What you say is completely unacceptable to my personal viewpoint, and I'm willing to bet it's against whatever code of ethics/conduct he's bound to as well.

Finding a therapist can be hard work, and in my experience it does help to identify what's important to me and to do whatever pre-selection I can. Do you have a list of what's important to you and what questions you can ask to get a feel for what the therapist would be like?

I like Ayesha's suggestion of looking at profiles beforehand. I decided to have an initial meeting with my current T after reading her website and being impressed by what she considered important to say about herself and her practice (this actually included respecting the client and being reliable with appointments, as well as about her training, experience and approaches).

I don't think you're over-reacting. This was a bad experience, and I know that a bad therapy experience can feel terrible. But please have hope that you can find a good therapist, they're out there.

 

[piratelady]

Thanks Hashi. I really liked what Ayesha said as well. I tried that approach, but couldn't find any profiles or anything about any of the therapists. On my network provider list, it just has their name, what they are (i.e. Psychologist, LCPC, etc), gender, and contact information. I then started googling them, and only a select few had websites or anywhere that I could find any additional information on them.

I decided to go back to my old therapist and once I get out of this depression and more stable, I will either find a way to see if we can make the trauma therapy work, or see if he can give me some names of people to check out.