The Hunt For A Therapist Starts Anew

[Taven Carlsen]

Oh and I almost forgot - flaky therapist sent me a text today that it was unavoidable (his cancelling) and that he respects my decision not to see him anymore. That was not the response I expected. I guess I at least expected an apology.

On the one hand another patient may've attempted suicide/been in another bad situation, or the therapist may've himself been in an accident or whatever who knows. OTOH if that was it he could've just told you that, so it sounds like this guy is a nevermind.

 

[Bluemax111f]

From my experience do not go by the Therapists own postings on HMO or other insurance websites. Most of them check off every box trying to get clients. I chose one this way way back and her office was littered with toys and kids books. Sure, she was an experienced with trauma - little kids being abused mostly. Take the time to have a sit down appointment, ask him/her about her schooling and the experience they have dealing with people who have experienced YOUR SPECIFIC trauma. Otherwise, you might be wasting your time.

 

[piratelady]

Thanks for the feedback Bluemax. I think the problem though is deciding which therapist to have the sit-down with when there are over 100 to choose from. I think Ayesha used the information she found to narrow down the pool. So, how do you narrow it down and decide who to speak to?

Luckily the appointment with the therapist i had before this one went well. I think I will be able to see him until I get through this depression and can get more stable. I will wait to find a new therapist, if i do, until that point.

 

[Abrasky]

So, how do you narrow it down and decide who to speak to?

I've got it down to a fine art. I use to have enormous troubles finding psychologists that I could make progress with. Not being able to pick a good psychologist probably put 5 years onto my healing time.My first psychologist told me I just after someone to write centrelink forms and had no illness. No joy with that one. I saw another psychologist, no progress, another one no progress. That scared me off psychologists for a few years. The next one who was really good had to move. I found another psychologist through my old psychologist who moved finding her and referring her to me. So I started healing 5 years into my PTSD. Then I moved.

My routine when I moved to find a psychologist was I rang 5 psychologists who specialise in the therapy that is picked, (I do psycodynamic therapy). Then I rang them and did a screening. I asked them about whether they do linking and a few other prepared questions. My last psychologist was really really good, she understands extreme emotional abuse in families which is the area I have suffered in. I have made a lot of progress with her, to the point I was working again.

My test is if the psychologists started making me feel emotional then I make an appointment to see them.If a psychologist has not made me cry within 3 appointments and done linking, I move onto the next psychologist. I find if I haven't cried, I most likely won't make progress with them. Sometimes a therapist and client are good at hitting it off, sometimes the therapist not very good at what they do, sometimes it is hard to trust a therapist. It is hard to find a good therapist, but can be done.

 

[Bluemax111f]

I've earned my cynicism - am tired of knowing more about PTSD and the human brain than the experts aka pharmaceutical sales reps I go to.

 

[piratelady]

Well I have seen the two options for potential replacement therapists. The first one reminded me of the absent minded professor. I have no confidence in him. I just saw the second person today.

The guy I saw today - we'll call him Borris. He seems nice. I explained what I expect and what I feel I need to work on. Apparently, saying, "I need to learn coping skills and to be assertive" is not specific, LOL. Anywho, I was not entirely forthcoming with the extent of my abuse. I couldn't bring myself to say I was sexually abused. I did mention to verbal/emotional abuse.

He said that he favors CBT and thinks that he would like to learn more about my past - like the years when I was growing up. That makes me really uneasy. I mean, I wasn't abused as a child, but I really don't want to talk about that. I don't know. I'll figure it out. Anyway, he said we can working on my assertiveness and coping skills in "baby steps" and will balance therapy between diving into the past and working through any present stressors. That sounds like what I need. *fingers crossed*

One thing that did kind of confuse me is I didn't think CBT had anything to do with talking about the past. I thought it was just about dealing with feelings and stuff in the present. I guess it doesn't really matter.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Good luck in making your choice. I know you really need a therapist that will be sensitive to your needs and wants. Keep on looking if you have any doubts. I do not want to see you have to go through what you have been. Big hugs.

 

[piratelady]

Thanks Gizmo. I think the therapist I saw yesterday will be a good fit, if first impressions are any indicator. He seems to be a good combination of pushing me to change / being supportive. The only part that makes me nervous is talking about my past. I'm sure that's just the PTSD talking though. I hate talking about the hard things in life. It's almost like talking about it makes it more real.

The part that makes me most apprehensive about talking about the my childhood/teen years is that I don't have any memories of my step-dad. I know I hated him and just really wanted to get away, but I have no idea why. I worry that by talking about that period in my life I might start to remember...I'd really rather not.

He says that our past shapes part of who we are now and that is why it is good to both talk about the past, sort it out, as well as work on skills to deal with life as it is happening. That makes sense to me, it's just scary. Well, in two weeks I see him again, so we'll see how it goes.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

The memories will not come until it is safe for them to surface. I do not think talking about the gaps will make the memories surface. It has not happened to me. And I have talked about the gaps alot. I hope this reassures you. You will be ok. Big hugs.

 

[Inspired 2 B Free]

Thanks for the input everyone.
I decided, at least for the time being, to go back to my old therapist (the one before this one). He was great when I was depressed, and helping me get out of it. For trauma therapy, he was not so awesome. I had time to think about this with a clear head and I feel like my depression is significant right now. I don't want to try to find a new therapist until I am more stable. I am worried that I will call someone, they can't get me in right away, or they are not competent and I get worse. Once I get out of this, I can focus on the trauma again.

Piratelady, Oh My Goodness!! What a terrible experience! I like that you contacted the original T and are seeing him again.

Perhaps you can ask him for a referral to a trauma therapist after you've gotten through your crisis now? Sometimes if they are not threatened by this type of request, it can be a good way to find someone capable. I would definitely tell him about this other experience.

Texting you to say they are sorry instead of calling you is unacceptable! They should have offered for you to come in at no charge and discuss what happened in person. Perhaps it could have been workable ...but sounds like he is a flake.

Best wishes!!!

 

[anthony]

Kind of glad I don't have to worry about hunting down a therapist... Yuk!

 

[p-no]

Therapists are just people like you and me. All they did is study psychology (or whatever necessary) and got a degree in it. They end up in traffic jams, they end up running out of your session with them because their son just wrote an sms with bad news and they get sick. All happened with my therapist (my current one). Years ago, when I was with her for the first time (7 years ago now), I had reacted to all stated above the way you did. Now it's something I look back to with gratitude. That's because I experienced that she's also just a person and (when she got the sms from her son and basically ran out of the room saying she needed to go because her son (and so on, while "flying" out the door)) that this is what you really do when someone you love and care about and for is in trouble! You don't give a shit and continue with your work, you go and care for them. I love her for running to help her son immediately. My mother would rather run away than to me. And she would have obliged to anyone rather than come home or to a hospital to help. I know for I had experienced that all my life before. By doing what she did, my therapist showed me what people in healthy relationships with their kids do.

If you're okay with the t otherwise, give him a chance to explain and see how he does it, if he does it without being asked for an explanation etc., if he is aware how important that was for you. You'd give yourself a chance there too.