The Ipad's A Trigger Now

[iwannadeletethis]

it triggers anxiety because of all that's happened. So here I am :) anxious about nothing, just needing to connect. The last thing that happened with the iPad, I cleared the search history because I was seriously looking into jobs over seas because he had told me to get out during a fight. That made me feel like I should have a steady plan B. But he noticed I cleared the history so I opened up about it. I would've opened up sooner, but I was scared. He was upset and most likely hurt for the rest of the day. I thought it had made things worse, but it looks like it made things better. He started seeing things from my perspective more. He took the time to see how much I really care and started appreciating me for it. He talks to people about anxiety so he can understand mine. He takes the time to hug me when I'm upset, instead of shying away. He scratches my back when I need him and he surprised me with flowers the other day. It's been much easier to keep loving him the best that I can :) I don't feel so drained and unappreciated. I get nervous sometimes because it's going well so quickly. Hoping to be used to it soon :) were having fun and it looks like we're happy again, but on a deeper level.
And I'm starting to actually make friends. It's been SO hard since I stopped believing in God. Everyone I knew turned their back on me. This process is different, but I like it better. It's just people being people.