The Little Things

[Zemi]

I just needed to write this somewhere where it might be understood, or at least make some sense. I crashed (fell apart) badly last night but it was because of things that were so "little". At least, to other people they would have been. Then I end up getting so angry with myself for letting the little things cause such major reactions and that exacerbates everything else. The self-hatred kicks in, the negative self talk takes over and what began as something small snowballs. Then if I try explaining what is going on or what happened to anyone else I get tongue-tied and unable to explain because I feel so ashamed that once again it was the little things and worry that nobody could understand, when a lot of the time I can't understand myself. How do you break the cycle so that even if there is an initial reaction to a trigger it can be managed before it grows to a massive thing in your mind?

 

[Jestadud]

Try to slow things down, take longer to think about how to respond.

If possible come here to discuss things with people who can help you find the right words to describe what you are feeling.

Attempt to lower your expectations.

Accept the occasional indiscression will happen, so try to forgive yourself when it does occur.

Think calm, stay calm and be easier on yourself.

 

[Reclusive]

Because it's the little things that make up our lives. You look around your life and there's all these little joys - birds, flowers, furkids, fuzzy slippers, chocolate, our comfy couches, our favorite blanket and these things can bring us SO MUCH comfort that it only makes sense that little things can bring us so down. I always find it funny. I can cope with something big happening, like my car dying. But I broke a fork the other day and just about lost it. Because it's a fork - they aren't supposed to break! This is one of those things I get to take for granted! No fair, no fair! The little joys make our world bright, so it only makes sense that they can bring us down, too. Just remember - they're little things.

 

[jeeps for now]

Seems to me it was the little things that signaled our trip down trauma-lane in the first place. But don't the good things in life start out real small too? Yep. With me at least, I became conditioned (for good reason) to look at too many things negatively. Now, I try the best I can to react neutrally to first thoughts.

 

[anni]

I'd been meaning to say something, then read what others wrote so well. Anything I could add would sound a little trite so just wished to add you can see you're not alone with this. That's sometimes a helpful thing for those moments also, I think.

Take care,

Anni

 

[intothelight]

How do you break the cycle so that even if there is an initial reaction to a trigger it can be managed before it grows to a massive thing in your mind?

Hi Zemi,

I find that one little thing can be the "straw that breaks the camel's back". You are right there is an underlying issue that triggers an emotional response that just seems to snowball PTSD symptoms into an avalanche. It can also be as simple as a lack of sleep or increased stress.

For myself, I am just trying to become aware of what creates the avalanche of PTSD symptoms. Whether it is making sure I get enough sleep, slow down during the day, taking a break, identifying and working through the trigger, or as a last resort avoiding the situation until I can work on it with a T.

I hope you can find a few things that will help you. That feeling of "losing it" is probably one of the worst aspects of this disorder.

Deb

 

[KP the nut]

Anything I could add would sound a little trite so just wished to add you can see you're not alone with this.

Hi Zemi, like Anni, I think the others have given good answers. I just wanted to add my support as well, we are with you.

Try to slow things down, take longer to think about how to respond..

This one is a fave of mine, I can feel when a crash is building, I become v tense in my neck. I try and slow everything down and just BREATHE. I give myself time, or if with people I excuse myself and go somewhere quiet and breathe and ground, breathe and ground.

Linking arms
KP

 

[Ted Moen]

The little things aren't little things. They are triggers, which are big things that tap into the intense feelings you stuffed long ago and bring them (the intense feelings) into your current situation. Sometimes you can "break the cycle" by constantly asking yourself if the intensity of the feelings you are experiencing is appropriate to your current situation. I really enjoyed playing cards prior to Vietnam, but after table chatter (small talk) would drive me crazy. Table chatter is just table chatter to untraumatized people. To me it taps into the intense feelings I have stuffed while doing what I had to do to survive traumatic (for me) situations. The intensity of my feelings would be way out of line with my current situation. I would do or say things that made no sense to the people I was socializing with. Nowdays I monitor the intensity of my feelings and when the intensity gets high I tell myself to chill. It's just table talk. Take a deep breath and give myself permission to enjoy what I'm doing.

Ted

 

[Jestadud]

This one is a fave of mine, I can feel when a crash is building, I become v tense in my neck. I try and slow everything down and just BREATHE. I give myself time, or if with people I excuse myself and go somewhere quiet and breathe and ground, breathe and ground.

Yep that's an important one and strangely still a bit upsetting to remember that we have to be taught to breathe!
But as KP says Breathe and walk away.

 

[anni]

The linking arms thing- I get that more and more. That gave me tears in my eyes just now, how it's strangely upsetting that we have to be taught to breathe. But wanted to thank everyone for the reminder and those arms too. You're in really good hands, Zemi, reading all this.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Do not feel so angry at yourself for feeling so much! Many of us are the same. Try to give yourself a little break and give yourself permission to feel upset. You don't like it, so you know as soon as you can handle things better things will change. Giving you alot of support, and wishing you the best.:)

 

[Abrasky]

I get that to- being ashamed of little things having brought me down to have PTSD in the first place. My PTSD started over an attack from my step dad for being a big person going to uni doing little things at home. Big things and little things became a trigger for me at the same time for all the violence in my stepdad's attack.
See little things are powerful, and arrogant abusive men can never see how powerful little tasks are. They are so focussed on big things they think they are winning when you focus on little things. So as a child, I built myself up around the only thing that my dad couldn't attack but actually strengthened in me. I did menial tasks like washing up and all the duties for 4 kids with 1 parent raising them while the other did nothing. Humility is also about little things, it's when I realised that I wasn't invincible I found that my dad's stupid behavior made my humility stronger and stronger. Until he had no control anymore because every time he attacked me, he would make me stronger. And he couldn't figure it out until the end. In the end he took away my humility and my menial tasks and yelled at me that I was a big person and I believed him. He was wrong. I am not like him. I am little, I am not invincible, I am likely to have horrible things happen to me in this world, I do not deserve to live like an immortal being above everything. Little things are what make people strong and little things are so strong, they can survive a socoipath. Little things are the eye of a cyclone. Take the little things and get stronger and stronger and p##ss of the immortals.That's what I think anyway. I need to keep telling myself I am not powerful and big like my dad told me in my attack and that would break my cycle I think.