DID The loneliness of being a multiple

[theshadowoftheliving]

I've been struggling and I think it is in part because I'm lonely.

Deep-seated loneliness. Loneliness I can't fix. I haven't told anyone that I'm a multiple. Even with other people, I feel alone, because I can't truly connect with anyone about what my inner experience is like. I'm too afraid to tell. And I feel so different, so strange, so abnormal.

How do I fix this? I'm pretty social, but this seems like it can't be solved simply by being near other people.

 

[Deleted member 38242]

I understand. I feel this way a lot. I can't really tell people about certain traumas, and it makes me lonely. You would be surprised to how many people feel this way even with out being multiple. I also used to feel like I was being dishonest if I didn't tell people about my life, but I understand some people can be cruel, so it's better to know them before any disclosure of self
that personal of a thing.

 

[Deleted member 35429]

I haven't been diagnosed with DID but my experience in therapy is very multiple-like. I have several parts and lots of dissociation and an entire history that I can't tell anyone for fear they'd just about drop dead from how disturbing it is.

So I do understand your loneliness. I am very social as well and my normal adult me is not lonely. My younger parts are very alone. Right now my therapist is the only one that sees them and even he doesn't notice sometimes. Very strange. I'm sort of caught in this world of not DID but not 'normal' either.

Im sorry you feel this way. I think having a therapist acknowledge and welcome all your parts will make you feel less alone. I wish I had better advice than that.

 

[Punky143]

I too struggle with this every single lonely day. People don't understand and are judgemental etc. I thought having bpd was horrible enough but now, my "friends" inside I've realized not everyone is like this. So very lonely but no ability to connect with someone either.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

My therapist is great but 45 minutes a week isn't enough to compensate for all the loneliness.

I tried to look for dissociation support groups but there aren't even any of those.

 

[whiteraven]

I am in the same boat. And I'll share that telling others has not changed the loneliness. I'm not sure that it (the loneliness) can be exclusively blamed on being multiple. That certainly contributes - in my case - to certain behaviors and attitudes and feelings that result in my being lonely, though. For example, I have insiders who have anxiety issues around others, so while we're working on the anxiety, I struggle with doing a lot socially. If I don't put myself out there, then it's hard to meet new people. Another example has to do with low self esteem. Not just a multiple issue, though. When I feel not "good" enough, not pretty enough, not engaging enough, etc...it's hard to even want to spend time with others.

I've told a lot of folks I'm multiple. For some, it made absolutely no difference. I lost a few "friends" because of it. Mostly, though, it really didn't affect relationships one way or another, because I was very selective about who I told. I got some questions, a little at a time, but they were thoughtful and caring.

I'm trying to figure out the loneliness issue now. For me, I think the answer lies primarily in finding an outlet for my interests and passions that involve other people and surrounding myself with them. Still working on that.