The Lows

[avgirl]

I hope this is the right place for this - I almost don't know if it's anxiety or depression. I've been getting the worst lows and they used to come on sudden as panic, but lately it's more just very upset. Because of that I'm not sure PRN anxiety medication helps or is even hurting.

Other than that I'm still on my usual SSRI that doesn't seem to be doing much. :sorry:

I've been talking more about the worst trauma details in therapy.

I hate feeling dependent and different. I also get embarrassed and have trouble communicating.

I've been down on myself more, little things "confirming" I'm horrible - like an art submission not showing up or what a friend told me about letting go and how not feeling sorry for herself is how she got better. I took it the wrong way because I was supposed to do jury duty and the two horrible traumas, one was taken there this Christmas. I don't want to go back through any of those feelings and really felt my health would be compromised if I went...what my friends said was invalidating. I'm sick with a restrictive eating disorder (though I'm trying to get better)...it's been a long road and I've been feeling very disconnected, like upset but have those upset emotions kind of trapped in, unable to communicate as well to have a good session where I walk out feeling better...

 

[Onigokko]

I'm in the same spot right now, a very low. I have personally just started dealing with my Trauma, so I cant offer anything concrete.

I believe what your feeling is normal though, atleast from everything I've learned in passed therapy there are times ESPICALLY when dealing with the worst events that you will feel worse. People that I know and respect have said that to me a couple times, that you may feel worse but DO NOT GIVE UP.

Stay strong, and I believe you will feel 'better'

 

[avgirl]

Thank you so much, Onigokko - I'm sorry you're in a similar spot. I believe it will get better for you too, since I do know it got better when I started trauma therapy originally - hard times and ups and downs but no matter how bad I felt, it never stayed that way. Thanks for reminding me.

It's very hard. I hate what it brings up, the embarrassment and confusion and just feeling like I didn't communicate what was really bothering me but then maybe I don't know what bothers me the most exactly. It's like my mind zooms in and that's the only thing in my world - therapy and trauma and I forget, all the other things that make me happy...I can get stuck there when it gets tough and detailed. I never know whether to stop talking about it, or try and tackle it - it's not the talking that hurts I don't think, it's actually the disconnect when I don't feel that I communicated right with my therapist.

The times where there's a connect, I actually walk out feeling better.

The others, I can be in the lowest of lows until it's somehow resolved in my head...

Thoughts are with you...thanks for the response.

 

[Onigokko]

I know exactly how you feel, and its one of the things I'm most afraid of confronting openly and honestly but I finally feel like I have a good support system and am able to confront those things.

In my opinion, I think tackling it head on is the best option- of course standing alongside your therapist and support system. We have to try not to focus too much on the negative [I've felt a bit better the last day, the anxiety isn't so crushing but its right there under the skin like an annoying zit].

I even wrote myself out a Manta, to keep by my computer. "You are a good person worth love, you have it right next to you and inside of you." Maybe something like that might help you out as well.

Finally, I sadly don't think we can expect an always upward momentum with the condition. Sometimes we may just feel worse, despite doing the things that are supposed to help us feel better. We consciously know that its silly to expect it to always work, and for it to work right away- but try explaining that to our unconscious that says NOW I WANT IT GONE NOW!

My thoughts are with you too, if you need to talk to anyone feel free to send me a message.