Thank you for sharing the Terry Real video. I listened closely and found myself both emotional and grounded by the end. There was a part he said that stuck with me deeply...about the adaptive child, and how we can lovingly take their “sticky hands off the steering wheel.”
That was me. Most of my life, I survived by adapting. I became who others needed me to be—never fully myself, just managing people’s moods and protecting myself from harm. Being seen usually meant being hurt, so I faded. And yet, I still wanted a connection. I just didn’t know what a safe connection even looked like.
Terry’s framing around us, instead of me vs. you, was like hearing a language I always knew but forgot how to speak. I want that. I think a part of me always has.
The pain I carry isn’t just from trauma—it’s from not being understood. Being betrayed when I showed up with kindness. Having people take and never give. And still…I find I don’t hate them. I just don’t want to live in that pain anymore. I want to build something better for myself. Maybe even share it with people who know how to honor it.
I’m still working through regret, loss, and the chaos trauma brings. But I’m no longer letting that wounded part of me run the show. There’s a wiser part now, and I’m learning to trust it.
If you’re like me, stuck between past survival and future hope, know this: even brief moments of peace are sacred. They show us what’s possible.
