It's been awhile since I've been on and in my opinion that's a good thing. But, here I am, back again and not feeling very optimistic.
A few months ago I changed my medication provider hoping to find someone who can work collaboratively with me- educate me about what medications are used for and why they might help me. It was a very helpful first session, she listened to me, seemed genuinely interested with what I had to say and didn't rush me out. She changed a few medications and overall I started feeling better.
It also helped that I was working from home full time. That being said, I'm mandated to return to the office 3 days a week. I'm very rigid and so are my "parts" so the transition has been very hard. My mental health improved when working at home and I find myself going backwards now. Backwards enough that I struggle with wanting to self harm and have fleeting si.
Other factors in my life contribute the greater picture. My depression with psychotic features have returned - seeing and feeling bugs, smelling things that I'm told aren't there and this is the most distressing thing to cope with. Working from home helps to manage them if they even exist but it's come back now that things have changed. My "parts" had less anxiety and I had ways to keep them busy while I worked without the paranoia of people wondering why I behave the way I do. I'm back to questioning my purpose in life and struggle to find valid answers. I can tell I'm going backwards despite having coping methods.
I'm working with my providers on requesting to work from home 3 days a week while navigating the ADA process. I'm paranoid about confidentiality due to the stigma that still exists in our society, especially certain dx I have. I wish nothing changed about working from home but here I am. I'm scared of getting denied and what that will mean moving forward. It's also been hard facing the reality of what my diagnoses mean and how they effect my ability to get through the day. I'm not feeling good and I'm frustrated because for once I felt like I was able to cope and now I'm back to square one.
A few months ago I changed my medication provider hoping to find someone who can work collaboratively with me- educate me about what medications are used for and why they might help me. It was a very helpful first session, she listened to me, seemed genuinely interested with what I had to say and didn't rush me out. She changed a few medications and overall I started feeling better.
It also helped that I was working from home full time. That being said, I'm mandated to return to the office 3 days a week. I'm very rigid and so are my "parts" so the transition has been very hard. My mental health improved when working at home and I find myself going backwards now. Backwards enough that I struggle with wanting to self harm and have fleeting si.
Other factors in my life contribute the greater picture. My depression with psychotic features have returned - seeing and feeling bugs, smelling things that I'm told aren't there and this is the most distressing thing to cope with. Working from home helps to manage them if they even exist but it's come back now that things have changed. My "parts" had less anxiety and I had ways to keep them busy while I worked without the paranoia of people wondering why I behave the way I do. I'm back to questioning my purpose in life and struggle to find valid answers. I can tell I'm going backwards despite having coping methods.
I'm working with my providers on requesting to work from home 3 days a week while navigating the ADA process. I'm paranoid about confidentiality due to the stigma that still exists in our society, especially certain dx I have. I wish nothing changed about working from home but here I am. I'm scared of getting denied and what that will mean moving forward. It's also been hard facing the reality of what my diagnoses mean and how they effect my ability to get through the day. I'm not feeling good and I'm frustrated because for once I felt like I was able to cope and now I'm back to square one.
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