Relationship The Silence Hurts

[NikkiGAPEACH1970]

Hi Ladies,

I can relate-- in reading everyone's post it brought back my memories/moments with my ex army man with PTSD. Ladies I must tell you without sugar coating anything -- I got tired and I ran like hell from that freakin nightmare! (It took me a moment)

I too was this man savior from the beginning of our relationship. I was supportive and what did I get back? Nothing but heartache-- and headaches--he mentally drained me and I cried many nights. I was no longer that happy person and I lost myself. So please preserve your happiness and peace and live your lives. Do what's best for you-- I understand my experience/ relationship/ circumstances are different from everyone else but it appears that we all share a common thread--sacrificing our happiness . Be good to yourselves ladies.

Nikki

 

[NikkiGAPEACH1970]

@annham I can really relate!!! Sounds like my story!

Nikki

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

It's now been 4 weeks. Still strangely calm about it. Sad, but calmer. No crying, no more worrying for his safety. Doing stuff, filling my days, reading the forum. But every once in awhile I forget and think, I need to tell X about this or maybe X and I can go do this...

Being stuck in Limbo is hard. I'm pretty sure I know where this is headed, but the waiting really bites.

 

[strongandsmart25]

I heard some song the other day - wish I could remember the name of it ! - but the main idea of the lyrics was that we live our lives waiting. Waiting for something to happen, waiting for something we want, waiting for a vacation, waiting for a raise, waiting for a call or a date or a ride or a hug or whatever. Waiting waiting waiting....and then we die. Ya - it was not the most uplifting song, granted, but it really stuck with me - the message that is. That we can't wait for our lives to begin. We need to live them now while we are alive. :cool:

 

[MoeX]

I hope you do not mind me saying this, but I almost wish there were other issues besides the distancing and intimacy issues. It's just the constant push/pull. No black and white issues. I think it would make it easier to leave.

You took these words right out of my head. I think this all the time. I sometimes worry that I use it as an excuse. As in I dont have it a rough as others. He's not angry, doesnt yell, stopped drinking so I assume Im just being a baby about it all. Odd right.

 

[TessyR]

It seems as if letting him go might give you some peace.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

So, feeling very sorry for myself lately. Feeling dispensable, completely disposable because of him… or because of myself and the choices I have made. And, life is just not going well overall. Been a bundle of stress with no emotional support. And now, on top of everything else, my one close friend is moving across the state. Just feeling very alone. Having a small pity party for one. I'll get over it, but no one to really talk about it to, so....

 

[HelloMo80]

Been there, currently there...don't know the outcome.

I care...but I don't. It is what it is.

I guess I just chalk it up to his issues. I concur with the ladies that you need to go on with life. At this point, if he's going no contact and not even a check in text, that's really messed up. It is emotionally abusive because anything that conditions you to lessen yourself, your feelings and your emotions is abusive. Well, to me. Others might say it's just mean. Either way, it's uncomfortable to tell someone "please don't do this because it makes me feel like...." and they do it anyway. Sure, PTSD is the culprit. It's hard for me to understand how one text to say "I'm good" or "Don't worry," or whatever it may be is so hard. But, I don't have PTSD so I don't know.

I'm sorry this is happening. Keep posting and venting. It's helpful.

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

Thank you. Yes, I can't wrap my brain around some of the aspects of PTSD, some of it just goes against my instincts. Or, maybe I'm just too selfish, I don't know.

I'm ok. Actually, kind of in morning. For what I thought I had, but that's better than limbo. Is what it is. Trying to move on.

I do appreciate everyone that has supported me on this forum. It's nice to not feel so alone.

But, let me tell ya'all, damn when it rains, it pours sometimes.

 

[NikkiGAPEACH1970]

Hi BB,

My advice to you--- if he contacts you please give him a taste of his own medicine! Ignore the hell out of him. I know this will be hard but be strong! Again, I'm speaking from experience. Take care of your self!

Nikki

 

[nursenurse]

Go Nikki :)

 

[NikkiGAPEACH1970]

Thanks nursenurse! I learned from the best! You!!!! :) Hope all is well with you! We must catch up soon!

Nikki