Sufferer The Story Of Me..

[Cheyanne Hudson]

Hey everyone,

Im not really sure how this all works but im willing to try anything at this point. so... heres where it all started to where i am now...

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was about 16. Around this time my dad died and my family and I were going to court to put away one of the men that abused me. Shortly after this I started to abuse my meds then started taking anything I could and then came the alcohol and partying. For about a year and a half, this was my life.. I was lying to everyone, I was stealing and I was just a horrible person at this time in my life. For about 6 months before I was 18 my life was finaly on track again. I went and got the help I needed and only my mom held onto my meds.

Then when I was about 18, I was told that my anxiety and depression were actually a stem off of PTSD... My first thought was "...only people who were in war could have it.. thats not me..."

From about 18 to 20 I was in an abusive relationship where I thought I was stuck. I had tons of flashbacks, overwhelming mood swings, panic attacks the whole 9 yards. but I finally got out....

Now I'm here a year after that and the last year has been great. I reconnected with my childhood friend. I started dating her older brother. He is a lot of help when it comes to all of my ptsd stuff... and I've also been working full time again for one company and part time for another. For the longest time working was my safe place. No attacks on the job. No flashbacks. No nothing. Just a lot of worry and memory loss. But I had my first flashback at work this week... no one at work knows I have PTSD. I instantly started crying.

I've been having the nightmares again for about a month or 2.... and it's getting harder and harder to work, there are days where I'm finally just getting to bed at 8am and not waking up at noon for work again. Then there are days where i just cant be around people.. idk where to go or what to do now... I feel lost and numb and I feel like everything is falling apart again... I try and get help but there really isn't any unless you were in the military. and financialy.... im so far behind on bills.. I cant keep up... i need help.. i need someone that understands...

 

[Ka-9]

Fortunately you're going to have a whole whack of people who will understand, welcome Cheyanne

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Hi, Cheyanne, welcome to the forums! I'm so sorry for all you've gone through, AND it also sounds like you have done a tremendous amount of work in just a few short years to turn your life around ... good for you!

Like @Ka-9 said, you will find tons of people here who deeply understand what you are going through. Do you have some grounding techniques to use for when you have flashbacks? Like, paying attention to your 5 senses (e.g., look around and name 5 blue things you see; taste a strong mint or chocolate; smell some essential oils; touch something with some texture [I use a crystal that I filed down the sharp points off of], or a smooth stone, or wear a loose rubber band around your wrist to literally "snap" yourself out of it.) These are all things that can help you stay in the present moment when you have overwhelming feelings, memories, or flashbacks. Do you have a therapist (T)? Can you talk to your T about this? I hope that work again becomes a good place for positive distraction from negative feelings; I know how hard it is when the PTSD starts affecting work.

Hang in there, @Cheyanne Hudson! Sometimes things get worse before they get better, but you CAN recover from your past abuse and PTSD!

Gentle hugs if you accept them (chocolate if not!)

 

[ladee]

Welcome! Such a painful place you are in. Pretty sure most of have been there, are there now, or will be.
So glad you are here. For one thing you will see that you are not alone and we do understand.
@Lola Nocheprieta has shared many things that many of us use everyday.
There is a wealth of information and support here.
Hugs. Or as Lola said,chocolate. We are here for you.