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This time last year, I was preparing for trial for a non-violent but very serious crime that I did not commit. I faced the possibility of many years in prison. I was found non-guilty on all counts.
It was a horrific experience leading up to the trial. In the middle of it all, there was a natural disaster that happened at the time too. The trial initially had to be moved from September 15 to October 1st because of the natural disaster. We didn't know until the morning the trial was supposed to happen on Sept 15 that it was going to be moved because too many were gone or stranded because of the natural disaster. On Sept 17 I also testified to a separate and unrelated case where I was assaulted. That person was found guilty.
In my own case, I had little trust that justice would happen. It did. Well, I was found not-guilty. So much evidence came to light at trial that later the judge took an extra step and fully exonerated me. It's a very rare thing to have happen. The whole matter was expunged. Record of even being accused was erased off my record and the court gave an apology. Some of the evidence at trial showed I had been abused on top of everything. It wasn't related to my defense, it just came to light in the process. That was really hard to hear. The accuser/perp of the abuse was very honest. Proud even. My defense attorney said it was the coldest person they had ever questioned on the stand. She's a seasoned defense attorney, so that's saying a lot.
The week before the first trial date was one of the worst weeks in my life. I thought I would lose at trial. My entire case rested on the prosecution witnesses being honest. They were mostly honest, and where they were not honest, it helped my case. By the time it came to present the defense, of which I was the only witness to testify, we had very little to prove. I had a very strong case...
But I was still very scared. I had a plan to commit suicide while the jury deliberated if the trial went badly. I was so sure it would go badly. I thought Sept 15 was going to be the last day of my life.
But I didn't even try to commit suicide when the trial finally happened on Oct 1.
My therapist says my fear of threat of prison - -and it killing me mentally and physically - - is part of why being on trial made my PTSD much worse and why I am having an anniversary reaction now.
I'm alive and it has been a really terrible week remembering all of what happened this week last year.
It was a horrific experience leading up to the trial. In the middle of it all, there was a natural disaster that happened at the time too. The trial initially had to be moved from September 15 to October 1st because of the natural disaster. We didn't know until the morning the trial was supposed to happen on Sept 15 that it was going to be moved because too many were gone or stranded because of the natural disaster. On Sept 17 I also testified to a separate and unrelated case where I was assaulted. That person was found guilty.
In my own case, I had little trust that justice would happen. It did. Well, I was found not-guilty. So much evidence came to light at trial that later the judge took an extra step and fully exonerated me. It's a very rare thing to have happen. The whole matter was expunged. Record of even being accused was erased off my record and the court gave an apology. Some of the evidence at trial showed I had been abused on top of everything. It wasn't related to my defense, it just came to light in the process. That was really hard to hear. The accuser/perp of the abuse was very honest. Proud even. My defense attorney said it was the coldest person they had ever questioned on the stand. She's a seasoned defense attorney, so that's saying a lot.
The week before the first trial date was one of the worst weeks in my life. I thought I would lose at trial. My entire case rested on the prosecution witnesses being honest. They were mostly honest, and where they were not honest, it helped my case. By the time it came to present the defense, of which I was the only witness to testify, we had very little to prove. I had a very strong case...
But I was still very scared. I had a plan to commit suicide while the jury deliberated if the trial went badly. I was so sure it would go badly. I thought Sept 15 was going to be the last day of my life.
But I didn't even try to commit suicide when the trial finally happened on Oct 1.
My therapist says my fear of threat of prison - -and it killing me mentally and physically - - is part of why being on trial made my PTSD much worse and why I am having an anniversary reaction now.
I'm alive and it has been a really terrible week remembering all of what happened this week last year.
