Will also look into this. Even if you have not benefited from this particular *brand* of healing modality, it could actually be because it needed the necessary tweaks and conditions that would be your direct *fit*. That is usually the case in the more advanced modes of healing. The knowledge is there, but there could be bits and pieces missing and so not applicable as one-size-fits-all - and this standard needs to be adjusted - sometimes even re hauled - to be suitable for use. They are literal mathematical equations, so just imagine that someone is convinced that 23+2=99. It won't happen. So intuition is huge here. Huge. That coupled with guidance and knowledge - and then application. In every field.
How did you study it? Can you tell me where it missed the mark?
Thank you, that is a good point, and I will keep it in mind while finding the healing program that is right for me.
I was able to study it because at the time (2009) there was an option for study on a pay-it-forward basis, so the course material was free with the understanding that I would later use what I learned to help others. I just looked at the website and didn't see this option anymore, but the site has grown considerably and I didn't look everywhere. There was access to extensive reading material and videos of training sessions. Later, I attended a week-long workshop and also participated in phone sessions, and did lots of practicing on myself and others.
Your question about where it missed the mark made me think, and this is so far what I have thought :)
Part of it was discomfort with some aspects of what was being taught. Holodynamics is a far-reaching field encompassing not only human potential but potentializing all systems, from the personal level to family systems and on to the running of nations. While I like it very much at the smaller levels, I have some qualms not so much about its potential to work on larger levels but about the political worldview and opinions of the founders, which were presented as part of the package to be accepted as a whole. There was no room for disagreement when, say, a discussion about personal healing morphed into a discussion about how holodynamics was working with climate change, as everything was presented as absolute fact. I also felt that there were rigid expectations about the kinds of experiences participants should be having, and those who were not having the experience they were supposed to have ended up left out rather than having someone work with them to find what they needed or get feedback that might improve the teaching. In this sense I felt there was some dogmatism going on.
That is my complaint about the system as a whole. On a more personal level, I think what didn't work for me comes back to the issue of how I have been traumatized. It's very hard for me to be in large groups. It's also hard to stand out in a crowd, to ask for what I need, to take other people's time. So when told "practice this technique, it should take twenty minutes and XYZ should happen" and for me it takes longer or doesn't work, I start feeling something is wrong with me and go into a triggered state. So I had a very hard time at the workshop I attended, though on the other hand I met some fascinating people. There was an exercise sort of like a guided meditation where the man working with me ended up yelling at me for wasting his time because I wasn't able to relax! (This was not one of the people leading the group, I hasten to add - but still. It didn't help.)
I also am becoming more and more convinced that for people with very early trauma, healing has to include work on the ability to connect with other people, and I am not sure this is possible without, well, other people being part of the healing process. I know you have said you can't imagine being able to trust anyone enough to stay in therapy, and I do understand that and relate to it, perhaps not quite as strongly, but I've come to see that for me the real core issue is the ability to trust others. One consequence of not having healed that early wound is that when I get involved in various healing methods, even conventional therapy, I don't really participate fully or get the full benefit because a part of me is always vigilant that whoever is working with me might get mad if I'm not quick enough or don't have the right response or get enough out of whatever we are doing (like the guy mentioned above). Even though intellectually I know that the work is for me, I am still trying so hard to please others that I feel a pressure to perform to make the practitioner happy. Does that make any sense? I think that is part of what went wrong. Also for some reason, even though it is possible to use this method on one's own, there were a few aspects of it that I never got very good at, and I wasn't able to get the help I needed with it because, well, nobody else was having this problem so it was about me, right? All of what I've said in this paragraph could just as well have happened no matter what method I had been using; it's more about me than the method itself. I didn't have the confidence to advocate for myself and find a way to get what I needed.
Having said all that, I still think there is a lot of benefit to this field, and if you want to learn more about it feel free to PM me. While it is possible to study it in depth, the basic method for working on yourself is pretty simple.
