Therapist Abandoned Me

[Friday]

I have a relationship question but do not wish to create a whole new thread when I already have this one

Mod Note

That’s exactly what new threads are for

Conversations evolve, certainly, no problem with that whatsoever.

However, regular threads are read from the OP onwards, and not only do new questions get missed, but people will be continuing to answer the OP long past when that Q is done and dusted, as are the eleventy following Q’s & answers.

Trauma Diaries, otoh, are read from the most recent post… as it’s understood people are continuing to post into the same thread for as long as they’re on the forum (often years, and hundreds of pages / thousands of posts / across countless topics).

So if you’d like to have a “home” thread to return to / not have to post new threads for new topics? I’d strongly suggest starting a Trauma Diary.

Just to be clear, you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s perfectly natural to transition from one abandonment issue into the next, and/or to wonder if a professional response to being told you feel abandoned by their actions would be the same -or wildly different- as a layperson/lovers response.

However, part of our jobs as mods is to take new questions buried in old threads, and start new threads with them. <<< Which is what I’m about to be doing, and you can find your new thread here >>> Boyfriend Difficulties - Abandonment Issues & Scheduling Conflicts

If you (or anyone else) would like to discuss or have Q’s THIS post? Please hit us up over at Contact Us, rather than replying in thread. Thanks!

 

[hithere]

I am so deeply sorry for what you went through as a child. I can picture you on the phone to your brother at a strangers house. I just want to send you some kind of comfort and positive vibes. I'm believing for you that you are recovering. Through all of this.

 

[Rorster93]

I am so deeply sorry for what you went through as a child. I can picture you on the phone to your brother at a strangers house. I just want to send you some kind of comfort and positive vibes. I'm believing for you that you are recovering. Through all of this.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[Blue-Diamond]

I've been trying to work with my doctor but she is increasingly harder to see. I've gone a month without seeing her because they were closed for good friday, I couldn't see her before that because the receptionist messed up the schedule. They just called to cancel my appointment this Friday because the whole office caught covid and no, she cannot do telehealth. My boyfriend isn't speaking to me, I feel alone and abandoned. I have to wait months for another doctor to consider my case and decide if they will treat me. There's no one to talk to and I'm an emotional mess.

First, for a therapist to just "ghost" you is so "unethical." All the therapist is doing is adding to the trauma you already suffering with emotionalyl. If possible, find a real therapist one who takes their work seriously and value the emotional well being of their clients.

 

[Rorster93]

First, for a therapist to just "ghost" you is so "unethical." All the therapist is doing is adding to the trauma you already suffering with emotionalyl. If possible, find a real therapist one who takes their work seriously and value the emotional well being of their clients.

I asked my T about the constant changing schedules and cancelations. She advised me that she was buying a house but everything is settled now so there will no longer be anymore cancelations which there have not been. At the same time, I've been feeling better so we decreased the frequency of my sessions to once a month. I see her this Friday when I will tell her about the weird PTSD dreams I've been having lately that just popped up out of nowhere. They are about being around people who abused me and feeling that intense feeling of abandonment. But otherwise doing much better.

I don't like change. And it would be hard for me to have to tell another T my story when the one I've been seeing already knows everything about me. That could be a contributing factor. The information though is so sensitive. I guess I can't complain then. She has to have a house to live in :)

 

[Weemie]

I have had this happen to me more times than I can count. What we really need to normalize is that there are shitty therapists out there. And in my experience? Most therapists don't have the toolset, skills, training or capacity to address PTSD and trauma. Mine has an extra layer (multiple extra layers) that run of the mill folks are also not typically trained to handle, so the bulk of my therapy has been conducted by Weemie's Truly. Myself, yeah.

I had the good fortune to be placed in a program as a kid that was effective at treating kids like me, and targeted toward me specifically (even if I didn't feel it at the time) but as an adult, spit out onto the street and left to pick up the pieces? Yeah, it's been hard. Having felt the good I have no tolerance for clinical incompetence.

These days I've hit it off with a good couple of therapists who get it. One was in Rwanda. One is a forensic psychologist. I felt more stable talking to them because they had the experience of speaking to people like me before. It didn't phase them. B, the guy who did outreach in Rwanda, said you aren't the first kid I've sat across from. You're not a psychopath. You're not a monster. I feel safe in this room with you. Made a huge f*ckin' difference because he just got it. Fundamentally got it.

Is he as well-educated as K? No. But that's irrelevant. I can teach him the therapeutic modalities that work for me, and I have been. And we're working at it. And he's teaching me, too, through his psychodynamic 50s stuff. In particular that Karpman drama triangle helped me out a lot in realizing that we tend to vacillate between victim, rescuer and perpetrator.

But all that being said, therapists are a crack shot. Some of the least educated therapists might be the most helpful. Some of the most educated therapists might be full of shit. The most important predictor is experience and validation in my opinion. A therapist who respects boundaries, who allows me to direct the sessions as I need, who will work with me where I am. That's invaluable. But it's rare. It takes a long time to learn what "works."

As for peer support, I'm a big proponent of this. Peer support was vital at Romeo Dallaire. We would break off into groups and really get into the grit of things, amongst those of us who just "got it." And that helps on the communal level as well because you build a community with the people around you. Even in this space, you have your community constitution. And that stuff is important. Anyhow, I think I've blabbled all I can blabble! So. :>

The gist of it is, therapy takes time. Getting a good therapist takes time. Learning what good therapy is takes time. You will get there. You will.

 

[Friday]

What we really need to normalize is that there are shitty therapists out there. And in my experience? Most therapists don't have the toolset, skills, training or capacity to address PTSD and trauma.

This. Full stop.