Therapist Is A Deaf Mute

[EmmaOwl]

I understand how you feel. This would be a HUGE problem for me. Unlike you, I wouldn't be able to get started at all; I would just sit there for a while and then have to leave.

This was like me as a teenager. I'm thinking, "hell, lady-I-don't-know, I got myself here, NOW what?" Partly it was me being a teenager, and partly it was because I was dissociating and didn't know what the heck was going on.

She told me that I was treatment resistant. Thus started the long and complicated journey of therapists.

I do think working as a teenager is different. Now, I would know to clue someone in - as in being direct, as @joeylittle and others on this thread have advised - saying something like, "I don't know how to start" or "I need you to ask questions" or even "Hey I am confused, what are you trying to do, to help me?"

 

[EmmaOwl]

I get along very well with my current therapist. He is good at figuring out how I am when I walk in - it's almost a game - despite being 30-something, I do feel like a teenager much of the time. I kinda walk in and stare at the wall. But it's a rhythm. He can generally tell whether I'm up to doing hard work or if I need to vent and BS with my time, but if he doesn't know, he asks, straight-up. I respect that about him.

I do think he's a little too likely to let me go off on tangents...but some days I will walk in and say "I need you to keep me on track today." And he does. I am as straightforward as I possibly can be... and I think I would try the same if I had to switch therapists. Otherwise, what's the point? Don't wonder about what he's thinking - ask what he's thinking.

This is how I work - I don't know about others.

 

[Dana1010]

This - this is so clear. Tell this to your therapist.

That in effect would be telling her I want a different therapist. Can telling her this change her personal view on her job and her patients? Can it turn her into someone with a great deal more knowledge and skill that she happens to have?

 

[EmmaOwl]

That in effect would be telling her I want a different therapist. Can telling her this change her personal view on her job and her patients?

No. It's telling her that you want a different approach. Can she give that to you? You have to ask. Can she refer you to someone who can? You have to ask.

Obviously these conversations are not going to give her more knowledge in itself. But it could certainly change her approach, or trigger some extra research to find out how to better help you, if you and she were so inclined.

But, more so, I'd look at it this way - some therapists have more than one way of working, are familiar with multiple schools of thought... and maybe she chose one that was wrong for you. Wouldn't it be nice if she was aware of that, and could adjust to your specific needs? Maybe she could be flexible and put together a variety of tactics in your treatment...but that can only happen if you really get comfortable with one another. Maybe she has put you in a certain category of patient, but you need something different. Tell her this. Stop guessing, you know? You can't guess. SHE can't guess.

Good luck, truly.

 

[EmmaOwl]

No. It's telling her that you want a different approach. Can she give that to you? You have to ask. Ca...

This is not to say.... Well, I agree with @C j's implication above- there are no true standards of care, no specific guidelines to be followed, and there are a lot of people working as therapists that have NO idea what they are doing.

But if you're limited by your healthcare, or distance, or anything else...that's when it might be a good idea to see what you can do to change things around with the person that you have now. I'm not trying to sound like some wise old guru; I'm someone who spent years in therapy that did me more harm than good because I didn't know better.

 

[EmmaOwl]

Edit to say: Things that @C j said straight out earlier in this thread, not just "implied" as I said in my post.

 

[joeylittle]

That in effect would be telling her I want a different therapist.

Maybe. Or, maybe it's telling her you want her to work a different way. You literally have nothing to lose by putting this stuff out there.

Can it turn her into someone with a great deal more knowledge and skill that she happens to have?

No, let's be clear: more knowledge and skill than you suspect she has.

If you want to continue to believe that you'll walk in someone's office one day and they will know exactly how to give you the therapy you are looking for...go ahead.

If you want to try and make progress, start participating fully in your therapy.

It's your choice.

You are 50% responsible for what goes into those sessions, and you'll be stuck until you step up to that bar.

 

[kilted]

It sounds like you have a psychodynamic therapist...... they are trained not to intervene and above all not to show their thoughts or personality..... there is minimal structure. Psychodynamic is not a "relational" therapy so there's not expectation of reciprocity in the process.

 

[Freedomfighter]

I mentioned to the therapist I see that she rarely asks questions or gives prompts to get me talking a...

That is another one of the times where I know that therapists do not always let the patient know which style of therapy they practice. Weird, would a therapist not want to let the patient know which type of therapy they practice right away and then give the patient the chance to decide whether or not that is right for the patients? Seems to me there are many therapists out there just for the paycheck, when human lives are at stake I would hope that is not the case. But there are bad apples in every profession....