Therapist Not Answering Mail

[Scandinavgirl]

I wrote my therapist a week ago, asking for a new session. He answered the next day, proposing a time, I am not able to come. So I wrote to him if we could find another time. Now its been six days and he has not answered. I hate that it makes me anxious, but it really does. I am thinking maybe he does not want to see me, maybe he has not got the time for a new session and etc. Also, I vrealy need his support right now, he does not know that, and maybe he thinks its not important. I am kind of mad, and really I want to write him a mail telling him he is too slow, but I will not do that;)
But it is ok to write him again when its been a week? Maybe he has forgotten....

I know, small problem. But seems kind of a big deal to me rigth now.

 

[Paula2]

I wrote my therapist a week ago, asking for a new session. He answered the next day, proposing a t...

Hi, could it be that he is on holiday? Or works just once a week? Is there a receptionist you can call? try not to email an angry email, it will make you feel worse

 

[Scandinavgirl]

Hi, could it be that he is on holiday? Or works just once a week? Is there a receptionist you can call? t...

I dont know if he is at holiday, dont think so. He is probably just busy, I dont know. He has not got any receptionist. I will not send him an angry email, I know, that would make things worse. Its just that, he is the only one I have been talking too about my trauma, and now it feels like he is "leaving me hanging".

 

[DogwoodTree]

I think many people who are attracted to work like psychotherapy are, by definition, NOT the type to do well with bookkeeping, returning emails promptly, or paperwork. So maybe he forgot that you're waiting on an email from him?

I say all of this because I'm facing much the same problem. I emailed my T over a week ago to see if we could schedule an appt in his office rather than at the stables (I'm in equine therapy) next week while the equine T is out of town. I saw him for a session a couple of days later, and he said he would email me back that day. Well it's been over a week and still no response. So I emailed twice in the past few days to try and nail down an appt for next week, and still no response.

My mind really wants to conclude that he doesn't care about working with me, that he hopes I'll just disappear and not keep bugging him, or maybe/possibly that he's purposefully delaying a response just to see how I'll handle it (my step-dad would pull crap like that all the time, and I hate it). But my experience with this T over the past several months is that he just isn't diligent about returning emails, even when he says he'll respond.

He told me towards the beginning, when we had a conversation about personality types, that he's an ENFP. I did some reading up on that type at the time, out of curiosity. And sure enough, ENFP's are typically not at all good about details and routines and less personal forms of communication (like email).

It does feel terrible, though, doesn't it? It hurts a lot. Can you see your way through it to try emailing him again?

 

[Scandinavgirl]

I think many people who are attracted to work like psychotherapy are, by definition, NOT the...

I`ve been thinking that he might be "testing me" as well, but it would be mean. Maybe he is just good with bookkeeping, like you say.
Yes it hurts. Because it kinds of confirms what you really knows deep inside: That he means more to you than you mean to him. And he is not "really" in my life, he is just someone I pay money to sit down and listen and give me perspective.

I was dreading writing him because I did not want to seem to desperate, clingy and dependent. Which is kinda of what I am. So...;)

Anyway, I just wrote him again. I am sure he will answer me soon.

 

[caramelmix]

I think a week is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to wait, and as long as you keep the email clean its perfectly fine to email again. Like a reminder, I am not a therapist in the slightest but I know I am terrible at remembering to get back to people and he is only human. I would not start thinking about it being him testing you etc that will just play with your head imo.

If I was you I would send a reminder email or ring depending on how you normally communicate. My T allows texts which works great because it sits on her phone so she does not forget.

 

[Friday]

I tend to use Occam's Razor in most of my dealings with people. Meaning that the simplest solution? Is usually the right one. Tones massively down on the paranoia & anxiety whirls.

 

[sun seeker]

I`ve been thinking that he might be "testing me" as well, but it would be mean.

It's unlikely that a therapist would do that. If he did, I'd be looking for another therapist, but I think it is much more likely that he is just bad at keeping track of his e-mail.

Yes it hurts. Because it kinds of confirms what you really knows deep inside: That he means more to you than you mean to him.

Can I suggest something? This might be a really good opportunity to bring this issue to your next appointment. I am going to guess that you have had these kinds of feelings before about other people. Any therapist worth his keep will not be offended by a client bringing up these sorts of things, but welcome the chance to explore what may be very difficult issues with you. Only you know if you are ready to do this, so take it as just a suggestion.

I did not want to seem to desperate, clingy and dependent. Which is kinda of what I am.

Again, a great opportunity to work on how you are really feeling. If you didn't have issues you wouldn't be in therapy. This is different from a relationship where, say, you meet someone for coffee or to discuss sports. A therapist expects issues like this to come up.

As for him not answering his e-mails, can you mention it at your next session and ask whether phoning is a better way to get hold of him?

 

[Scandinavgirl]

It's unlikely that a therapist would do that. If he did, I'd be looking for another therapist, but I...

Hey. I dont know if I am ready to bring these questions up. But I have discussed my fear of becoming to dependent though. I am not good on the phone so writing is better. I agree that these are issues I could bring up, but I Will have to see. My biggest fear is that he does not want to work with me anymore. He is really not a thrauma therapist, so maybe he thinks I am to much. For the record, I dont have a diagnosis, but I have symptoms similar to those with cptsd.

 

[sun seeker]

He is really not a thrauma therapist, so maybe he thinks I am to much.

So in that case, could you reframe this? It's not that you are too much. It's that possibly he doesn't have the training and experience to help you. That's not a failure on your part. It could be an opportunity to look for someone who does have what you need. In my experience, and I'm sure others will agree, if it's trauma you need to work on, you really need someone who specializes in trauma. The difference is like night and day. I encourage you to look for that if you possibly can. Not because there is something wrong with you, but because you deserve better.

 

[Scandinavgirl]

So in that case, could you reframe this? It's not that you are too much. It's that possibly he does...

Maybe. He seems to be helping me, though. I am not working only with trauma. But also problems in my "here and now" life.

May I ask you, how does a trauma therapist/trauma therapy work? What do you think is the most important skill/method etc.? If others would like to share their views on this as well, it would be great.

 

[sun seeker]

I am not working only with trauma. But also problems in my "here and now" life.

So is it possible to do both?

how does a trauma therapist/trauma therapy work?

There is so much to be said about this, it would be a very long answer. I think I'll just write about a few things that have changed in my life since I started working with trauma as the basis for my problems. Some of this has been in therapy and some has been elsewhere.

One huge thing has been learning to listen to my body. The body holds the story of our traumas, even if our minds confuse the details. I notice not many people, even therapists, know much about somatic symptoms, which are movements and sensations the body does that are related to traumatic memory. I don't know why, because ignoring this is like ignoring a whole story that is right under our noses. Our bodies don't lie. By paying attention to what my body is doing I've learned so much about what happened to me. There's a thread on this topic, which I'll find for you after posting this.

A trauma therapist, as opposed to a talk therapist, will help you release the energy of the trauma that is stuck in your body through shaking or whatever movement the body needs to complete. An authentic trauma release is unmistakable and you do feel different afterwards. They also know how to help you build resources and go back and forth between the memory of the trauma and the resource, so you don't become flooded.

I'm a bit muddled at the moment, so I'll leave it at that and go look for that thread.