Therapist Referring To Herself As My Therapist

[ellienad]

When my therapist refers to herself as "your therapist" it makes me all panicky/weird feeling. For example, once when I started disassociating and going into a flashback she said something along the lines with "You're here now in the present, with me, your therapist...." and I got extremely uncomfortable and panicked feeling. Another time we were talking about something she said or did and she says "I can understand how it would be _______ to have your therapist say/do ______" (obviously referring to herself) and the same thing happened.

I think it may have to do with the fact that authority figures are a huge trigger for me, and maybe her saying this makes her an authority figure in my mind? I'm not sure. I really don't want to discuss it with her, as I'm afraid that would just make things more weird...:bag:

 

[FindingMyself88]

Try to look at her as more of a support system. She doesn't have authority over you. My T won't say "your therapist" but she will say things like "You are okay, you are safe, I am with you." meaning it more in that she won't leave me in the state I am feeling. Then again she knows I need a safety figure in my life and I think she tries to provide that.. Maybe thats what she is trying to say to you too, but in a way that bothers you. Talk to her about it and see if there are other ways she can say it to help!

 

[StellaBlue]

My therapist did this too...we were talking about something and I said I didn't share that with anyone and he responded "not even your therapist"?

I also felt a little weird about it. Maybe because it was a direct reference to what the relationship really is? I don't know, I need to think on this some more.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I guess I am not seeing the issue since we all commonly say "our T" and "our therapist" on the forum. I just don't see the problem honestly.

 

[StellaBlue]

Not an "issue" really - just a weird feeling that makes me go "hmmmm". On a scale of uncomfortable feelings in therapy, this one ranks pretty low :).

 

[Justmehere]

My therapist used to do that and I told her it felt weird. I also told her I felt stupid that it would impact me so much. She didn't think it was dumb at all.

She explained that a big part of why therapy works is that part of our brain (the executive part) knows that the therapist is a therapist, but the lower part (primitive basic emotional part) just understands "we are just in a room doing things with someone." So when that someone is safe, our brain begins to build new associations at a very basic level...

I have huge issues with helping figures that are also authority figures so it triggers the crap out of me and my therapist figures that for me, the associations are a bit different. She doesn't do it anymore unless we are specifically working on issues around authority and helping figures.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I never had a therapist say that to me ever. It would make me feel uncomfortable too. Please write or tell her how you feel when she does this to you and try to work it out.

Bottom line, it is bothering you and you do not like it. That is good enough reason for me.

Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable needs to be addressed and dealt with or just walk away and do not look back. '

Follow your heart and trust your gut instincts.

 

[greenleaf]

I was trying to imagine how I'd feel if my T said that while I was dissociating just now. @Justmehere -- I have a feeling that this is connected to what you wrote about it being a primitive part that just understands that we are in a room with someone.

When I imagined my T saying that, it seemed like it would feel jarring, like the part that wants to work on feeling safe, doesn't "do" complex cognitive ideas like "a therapist". There is a "what???" feeling. This would pull you out of a deeper part and require a separate part to interpret -- if you're like me in that your cognitive, well-educated parts sometimes feel pretty separate from those "safety-related" parts, and the other state almost feels like a dream but not quite. There seems to be physical distance in switching, and it's an effort.

I guess I'm working on these issues right now, so this is what came up for me with your words; I realize that what you're experiencing might be totally unrelated! -- so please ignore this if so... :alien:

 

[Chava]

That would probably make me a little uncomfortable too, "your therapist" versus "Jane" or whatever. But the bigger deal is you are already in a way stressed state and she's trying to help ground you and, even completely well meaning, it sounds like it tweaks you out in others ways. If you don't want to directly ask her to change her wording can you ask generally for help grounding and mention that you think you need to try something different? Then that would open it up for discussion, and this bit might come up more easily.

The first part is noticing it, and if you can't let it go because you are already dissociative, that's understandable. So now that you notice this as probably not helpful, it would be helpful to think if something else would be more helpful and suggest it, or ask your therapist if she can try something different or if she has suggestions. When I'm doing Somatic Experiencing body stuff I can't always answer or put words to things. So my therapist wasn't asking many questions since I wasn't really responding. But I noticed I was going further into some void and just leaving the whole scene. So I told her it was helpful for her to keep asking what I'm noticing, even if I'm not answering...it nudges me to stay present and try to bring up what I am noticing, or find words, even if not right away. Also, she'll ask me to look around and describe what I see or hear if I'm spaced out. Or if I'm really losing contact, she's held my feet to the floor before and that seemed helpful too.

We're all a little different and I bet she'd appreciate you bringing it up, wanting to try something different, because it's a really good sign you are noticing what is going on for you and I'm sure she'd want to find a more helpful way to support you in those moments.

 

[ghotiff]

I would encourage you to bring it up. It's a very understandable thing and when you dissacotiate your T needs to help ground you with things that work, not things that make it worse.

Authority figures are a problem for me too and while I'm comfortable saying she is "my" T, I would not like me to be feeling like "her" client. No one owns me in any way, shape or form, at least not any more.

 

[ellienad]

@FindingMyself88 Thank you :)

he responded "not even your therapist"?

Yes! This is exactly what I'm talking about! I agree that maybe it is because it's a direct reference. I mean, of course I know she's my therapist but hearing it out loud makes me panic.

@Ayesha It's not that I don't know or understand that she's my therapist, of course she's my therapist. I'm perfectly comfortable referring to her as my therapist here on these message boards or anywhere else. Saying my therapist is different. What I'm referring to is when she says it.

@Justmehere Thank you for sharing, that completely makes sense!

@gizmo Thanks. I think part of the reason I'm having a hard time bringing it up is because so much of the therapeutic relationship, and certain aspects of therapy as a whole are triggering, I don't want to add one more thing to the list, you know?

@Chava The time when I was dissociating and she said it, she did add her name first. She said "you're here with me, her name, your therapist"...Even typing that out gave me the willies. The thing is, everything else in that sentence and everything else she was saying was very helpful. Thank you for your advice. I think it will be about finding a balance between the two? I don't know. The whole thing is so strange to me!

@ghotiff I agree, and as I said above, everything else she was saying was helpful. But that one little phrase was enough to send my anxiety skyrocketing.

Authority figures are a problem for me too and while I'm comfortable saying she is "my" T, I would not like me to be feeling like "her" client. No one owns me in any way, shape or form, at least not any more.

Exactly exactly exactly. Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

@ellienad Then what is she supposed to call herself?