Therapist Referring To Herself As My Therapist

[ellienad]

@Ayesha Her name. Or she could say "I" or "me" instead of "your therapist".

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I think the reason she said "your therapist" was becasue she was trying to comfort you. You said you were having a flashback in your first post. So your therapist was probably trying to offer your comfort by saying that 'your therapist' was there with you, during your flashback and that maybe you could talk to her about it afterwards? Her saying her name at that point instead might have been confusing for you.

You should talk with her about it. Write it down and hand her the paper. That makes it easier. I am forever writing things down and handing them to my therapist.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@ellienad in a humorous note (a fun response to T),

"Your patient feels that passive voice or second person is not optimal for connecting in her session. Perhaps my therapist needs to distance herself? Are you ok? ":clown:

 

[ellienad]

@Recovery4Me That made me laugh! Thank you ;)

 

[Pencil]

@ellienad I don't think it is an authority issue, or a weird issue or an issue of lacking logic. I think it is the connection that is verbalized that feels almost too intimate, and this is a common problem that people with attachment issues have. Tell me if you think I'm on the right track.

 

[StellaBlue]

:wideeyed::wideeyed:@ellienad in a humorous note (a fun response to T),

"Your patient feels that passive voice or second person is not optimal for connecting in her session. Perhaps my therapist needs to distance herself? Are you ok? ":clown:

Or if you want to really freak her out:

"The therapist rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets it gets the hose again."

:wideeyed:

 

[Lucycat]

"You're here now in the present, with me, your therapist...."

At first when I read this I could not understand your point, but with having read some of the replies I do get it, I think.

My T never calls himself a 'Therapist', he would more accurately consider himself by the term used by his employer: Community Psychiatric Nurse, or CPN. However in the context you are describing, as in 'grounding' he is far more likely to say "you're here now in the present, with me,G ..." G being his given name. He does not need to tell me what he is, or underline that fact.

I do know and understand that I am a client of his, and that the relationship is professional. However in the process of therapy I don't really need him to remind me of our respective roles.

 

[digger]

I have two takes on this which seem to be at complete odds with each other. The first is that I think I would feel uncomfortable too if my therapist said it. She never has, so I don't know, but I think I would have a similar gut reaction to it.

The second though is that, if I was dissociated to a point where I was struggling to know where I was, it would probably help, and I think it would help more than if she just reminded me that she was there using her own name. If she just used her own name, I'm not sure I'd recognise it if I was too far 'gone'. Defining her role as well could help bring me back more easily to where I actually am. She does remind me where I am and that she is there but in much vaguer terms - like 'you are here now', but I still have to figure out where here and now actually are. In my case better labels might actually work, in that situation at least ;) I wonder would you find 'you are here in therapy' easier than 'you are here with your therapist', or if she added her name into the statement too? or if you don't want the reminder of that relationship at all in those times? I think I would find the first would sit easier with me.

I think it would be a good thing for you to bring up with her if you can.

 

[digger]

The second situation you mentioned...

Another time we were talking about something she said or did and she says "I can understand how it would be _______ to have your therapist say/do ____

I would find that hard because it just feels very impersonal and clinical. I understand that works for some people, but I need to feel more on a level with my therapist than that for me to feel comfortable. I think that example maybe feeds into the authority figure thing more. The two examples feel quite different for me.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@ellienad - my view on the 'authority grab bag' in therapy.

Over the long haul of my PTSD, psychiatrists (medical doctors + education), several psychologists with PhD’s (majored in psychology) as well as therapist with Master Degrees who may have had specialty training (certification) in some area such as trauma or marriage counseling have guided me. As you know, being in the USA, these can be some of our choices and perhaps blessings.


However firstly, therapist are people who spent their lives in a field to serve, to help others (and sometimes heal themselves). Secondly, I also paid them for their service at a great personal cost while going through a mental cost to ‘heal’ from some of the trauma injury. Thirdly, I have found that within all humanity (sometimes being equal across the board), transference of some of their personal stuff onto my session stuff has happened.


I have been very fortunate, where upon asking my therapist or Dr. did s/he feel that their own bias was shadowing some of our work together with distancing, etc. that they took a second look and offered apologizes. I was not there to ponder their motives while working on me.


I can question their choice of methods, approaches or styles in treatment. Therapist may be an 'authority' but they should not restrain my self-empowerment through their tone or choice of words. After all, in order to heal from the role of a victim, I needed to feel in charge at times, have a voice and that I was ‘heard’ while being kept safe.

 

[The Albatross]

I wish I said that. Very succinct and I whole heartedly agree.

 

[ellienad]

I appreciate all the responses, and it's very interesting to read everyone's different point of views. I should add that she did in fact say her name before the "your therapist" statement in the time of flashback/dissociation.

I don't think it is an authority issue, or a weird issue or an issue of lacking logic. I think it is the connection that is verbalized that feels almost too intimate, and this is a common problem that people with attachment issues have. Tell me if you think I'm on the right track.

I think you are accurate in the fact that the connection is being verbalized, but the connection does not feel too intimate. When she says "your therapist" it feels completely un-intimate and off-putting actually.

Ido know and understand that I am a client of his, and that the relationship is professional. However in the process of therapy I don't really need him to remind me of our respective roles.

Exactly, I feel like of course I know she's my therapist, but don't appreciate the reminder of her role.

I wonder would you find 'you are here in therapy' easier than 'you are here with your therapist', or if she added her name into the statement too? or if you don't want the reminder of that relationship at all in those times? I think I would find the first would sit easier with me.

Hmm, I don't think "you are here in therapy" would be any easier actually...I think you're onto something with the fact that I don't want a reminder of the relationship in those times. It's those times that I need someone, anyone, just to be there with me and remind me that it will be okay.

I would find that hard because it just feels very impersonal and clinical. I understand that works for some people, but I need to feel more on a level with my therapist than that for me to feel comfortable. I think that example maybe feeds into the authority figure thing more. The two examples feel quite different for me.

I agree, the two examples I gave are very different and bother me for different reasons. I think it is definitely the impersonal-ness that feeds the authority figure thing.

@Recovery4Me Thank you for this!

I should also add that I have a very good relationship and connection with my T, and we've both addressed that. I think that is why it takes me by such surprise when she says "your therapist" because it just sounds so impersonal as @digger said. A couple months back was the first time we really talked about our connection and attachment (with positive regard, I should add, not negative) However, she didn't start doing the "your therapist" thing till after we had that discussion, and I'm worried/wondering if she is doing it to create boundaries? If she is, I understand her reasoning behind it, but I just wish she would discuss it or go about it in a different way...It's also confusing because the conversation about connection and attachment was a positive conversation, and she stated that she views our connection as a good thing.

Ugh. :banghead: