Therapist Says I'm Too Overwhelmed

[FindingMyself88]

Ok, say I do give up something, what do you suggest I give up? I'm not trying to be difficult, I just don't see a viable option.

If I give up school:
I loose more time getting degree that is suppose to get me a decent job to be on my own.
I loose great health insurance, my doctor who knows all my problems, my psychiatrist, and my therapist. Basically my entire support system.

If I give up work completely:
I definitely can't live on my own, I would be in COMPLETE need of my parents.

I have no relatives near by that I could live with. I also have no credit for a loan. I've lived this semester off excess student loans.

If I do work enough to stay on my own (quitting school to do so):
My health will get worse.
My anxiety gets triggered at work, so I end up even more anxious.
I will be miserable and not working toward my goal.

And believe me I wish I could give up the anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, etc.

It feels hopeless.

 

[Abstract]

Finding, only you know your full situation and I know you have a lot of professional support with two therapists and would have considered it all at length.

What do your t's have to say?

It seems medical insurance is essential so that is a good place to start. I know you don't want to loose your support network but is there anyone you could stay with in a different city and near a different school? Just throwing things out there.

 

[Lucycat]

say I do give up something, what do you suggest I give up?

Is it possible to reduce your studies? Give up a part - or spread the course over a longer time frame?
Is it possible to reduce the amount of work you do outwith your studies?
Is it possible that you could have medication to help with the anxiety, nightmares and flashbacks?
Has your T got any suggestions about how to change your situation away from being overwhelmed?
Can your parents help out - financially or otherwise- to reduce your commitments.

My anxiety gets triggered at work, so I end up even more anxious.

What is the work? Can you change it to something/somewhere else?

If I give up school: I loose more time getting degree that is suppose to get me a decent job to be on my own.

But is not that an assumption? A dream? Are you guaranteed the 'better job'? Will the better job not also cause anxiety, if that is not controlled?


As @Solara says - if you don't take action to help yourself now, you are likely to have a complete breakdown, and then you will be removed from your studies whether you like it or not. If your health care ends with your studies - what then? What currently is your plan to continue health care once you have completed your BA?

I do hope that you can move from an 'If only...' frame of mind to an 'I can....'

 

[Hashi]

I am now 25 and haven't even finished my BA.

I was 27 before I started mine.

I loose more time getting degree that is suppose to get me a decent job to be on my own.

You're giving a number of reasons why you can't change your situation, and both times this has been first on the list. I can't help feeling that it's foremost for you, and yet to me it's the most disposable of all your problems. If the aim is to be on your own, I'd recommend finding a different way to do that for the time being.

If you can get yourself into a "holding situation" where you can manage in some way financially without living with your parents, and can focus on getting more stable psychologically, then I think the timing of getting a degree is not a priority at all. As has already been said, you'll be more likely to get a good degree and good job when you're stable. If you collapse under depression and anxiety, what chance are you going to have of that?

I'm wondering about having group therapy, individual therapy and a psychiatrist. So much therapy seems unlikely to be helping you contain things. Maybe you can find a different approach to therapy that doesn't involve going through the university. Or could you reduce to one class only and still access accommodation and therapy through them?

I'm wondering about the type of work you're doing, and how you're doing it, since you've mentioned wanting to be great and that causing you stress. Is it the stress that could make your health worse, more than the physical effort? If so, then focussing on skills and stress management, as well as adjusting your expectations of work, could help greatly. I've spent time working as a live-in cleaner at a hotel as a way to get by while depression made it too difficult to do anything else.

I realise there may be physical reasons why work is difficult, I don't know. I'd imagine that mental strain is not going to help physical resilience anyway.

Maybe you can set up physical boundaries with your mother, so you hardly see or speak to her even if you're living in the same property.

As has already been mentioned it's hard to make specific suggestions because we don't know enough about you and your situation. What we do know, is how important it is to think differently and radically about a situation that seems impossible. I think most of us are talking from experience when we say that.

I was told I was very good at thinking myself into a corner, and I needed to start thinking my way out of one. I didn't agree. I genuinely felt I didn't have any options. In a way, I was right. The way I was seeing things, I really didn't have any options. It was only when I began to treat the things I thought were fixed as movable, that I was able to find other possibilities. In my case that was the type of work I did, how well (or badly) I did it, the type of accommodation I lived in, my location, and how much I could ask friends for help. For someone else it might be different things. But it's always going to be a radical rethink.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Ok sorry everyone, I just had to take a day or so to breathe and just try to get through the day..After a talk with my primary doctor and my psychiatrist, I have decided that work is not an option right now. My doctor says that one the physical aspects of a job is going to put wear and tear on my body, and then add anxiety, she is afraid this will cause another relapse of health and possibly a mental break down. My psych agrees and they both think I just need to focus on school, school is the less stressor of the two.

See, I ended up with a SEVERE head injury this past summer, which cracked my skull, and caused Pseudo-tumor Cerebri, which is basically too much pressure fluid on the brain from spinal chord. This is actually what increased my anxiety and PTSD symptoms, often known as TBI (traumatic brain injury). From this, I have had several more health problems. One day I can be fine, but the next I can barely get out of bed.

This is why work adds so much anxiety. I am sad to say I don't feel like the same person since this injury. I had anxiety and depression before, but not to the point that I do now. I'm triggered by the least little thing, and I'm SUPER hyper vigilant! I am in the process of trying to get a PTSD service dog that will help me deal with day to day anxiety and with school a bit better. I am taking one class less than I normally would take, just enough hours to keep my health insurance. This semester I am retaking two classes I failed the last 2 semesters due to all of this. School is easier to manage than work because I am taking one online class, but I have also registered with Disability services that gets me accommodations with school.

My parents are going to try to help support me, and if need be in a month or so I will start back to working 2-3 days a week, and I will be stepping down from management. During this time, I am going to be focusing on school and therapy. Both my Ts want me to also focus on just trying to be a college student, learn to have fun and relax…I have always been the adult and they say its time for me to be the kid.

Yes this only takes one thing off my plate, but its a big thing. Before I had to take a break from work for health, I was working 35 hours a week plus school. I had no life and school was suffering. Now just knowing that it is okay for me not to work is a relief, if that makes sense. My doctor has mentioned looking into disability, at least temporary disability but I am not sure on this...

 

[Lucycat]

Pseudo-tumor Cerebri,

in the UK we would call it Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension. Sounds very unpleasant to me, no wonder you have been struggling.

However well done for getting a plan together. It sounds like you have a much better perspective on what you can realistically do.

 

[FindingMyself88]

@Lucycat yes, that is the same thing and it has been a LONG journey! I am still on medication for this to keep the fluid level stable. It doesn't take much to stir up a migraine.

Thank you, I just realized something had to give, and having my doctor voice it helped make that decision easier..