Reading through this thread I have realized how lucky I've been.
My first therapist, back in 1985 maybe, was an idiot but not an abuser. IMO, she had seriously misunderstood the Freudian method. As several other's have described their therapists in this thread, she said almost nothing during the sessions. No feedback, no reaction, nothing but my talking aloud to a "brick wall".
Mind you, during that therapy I did work myself out of a relationship that wasn't working for me anymore (it was hard: I was still a lot in love, he was my really good friend and we had been together for over four years). But that was not in any way the therapist's doing, I did all that work myself. I left after about six months, when the ridiculousness of talking to someone who just wasn't saying Jack back became too much.
My second therapist I chose with care in 1990 (or 1991?). I wanted someone who would at least understand all my important languages - he or she did not need to speak all of them fluently, but I wanted to be heard in whatever language happened to come out. He or she also had to have at least some experience of working with adult survivors of child sexual abuse. I would have preferred a gay or bisexual therapist, but I realized that asking for that on top of my language and CSA requirements would be positioning myself for failure. I did find a woman, originally a sociologist, who had trained as a therapist, too. The weird thing is, that I remember still quite clearly what I though towards the end of our first evaluation session: "She will never let me close". And I chose her pretty much because of that. Someone to remind me of mother? Perhaps...
I worked with her for five years, and made great progress with my CSA issues. During this therapy I left my then-fiancé, mostly because he withdrew totally after I reacted angrily to how his mother verbally abused his father. He just could not handle the thought of criticizing a Mother (he was very, very uneasy about my conflict with my mother, even though my mom was actually and provably trying to steal money from me). Halfway through this therapy I met my husband (well, we were good friends since 1989, and became more than friends in 1994).
My current therapist is pretty new, we started working together this February. Her I chose firstly because I had followed the organization she works for for a longer time, and had (have still) really good vibes about it all. I went to an open house that they arranged after they moved (that was in January), and my good vibes got stronger. So I called, got an evaluation appointment with one of the senior people, and told her about being triggered by my mom growing older and, if possible, even more self-centered, and about my language needs. She had my current therapist in mind pretty straight off, and then we did a couple of evaluation sessions to see if we felt well suited. So far so good. I especially like the way she points out that having expectations of one's parents is normal - I do need to hear that, repeatedly.
Athena
