Therapists?

[Swamprat 3]

===> I inserted my responses to Jenny in her quote, which Tapatalk kinda greys out, but they are actually in there addressing her points from my perspective.

I also managed to upset her, and apologized. This is a good site for those wanting to understand things or 'fix' something. Other than my cancers and diabetes, I don't see myself as broken. I have filed for those two already. And I am now convinced after reading a while here, that I will not file for PTSD. It works for me, and if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Thank you for the supportive responses I got in the few days I was here. I have never talked about any of this, and am beginning to understand why.

This was a valuable experience.

Be well.

 

[woodsie]

i would like to comment on the topic, i have been lucky i guess. all my mental health docs have been prior service and have deployed.
just recently my MH doc has stated he is going to be retiring, boooo. hes a great guy, was a medic in VN and has worked for the VA almost 30 yrs. that's some track record! with that said, an intern starts talking to me. asking me if would like to continue my counseling with him. no way bro, i am 35, he's prob 25-28 and you could knock him over with a feather. i did sit down with him briefly and ascertained that there is no way this fella is going to be any help. i love the idea that young professionals want to get into the VA system to bridge the gap of sorts. but, he sounded like he was reading from a book. which is probably the case, it's all he knows. now if he had been through some kinda suck, i probably would have continued...maybe?

even my dentist is prior service with 2 deployments. i find myself seeking out the professionals that have some kind of military tie. now my friends..well that is a whole nother ball of wax

also, male or female, i dont care. get me in, level me out, hear what i am saying, so i can get on with it

 

[JarHed]

Hey Swamprat

I wanted to wish you well with your journey from this point out. Best of luck in the future.

Semper Fi

JarHed

 

[BaMuoiBa]

SW3, listen good luck with the health issues and the claim - we'll be here if you need to vent.

Like yourself, I too maintained a finely honed set of survival tools that kept my head above water for many years. In the end, well, I found out that they will always be with me. I may not be as efficient as the days gone by but my senses as good as back in the day. Actually that is OK, I found out that most of my skills are not necessary because without me noticing it - the AOR has changed. I only need the skill to be able to sort out the village idiots (they inevitably make their presents known) from those who are real.

As far as the PTSD goes, while you may be comfortable maintaining the ready mode, I prefer to get inside the wire these days. The folks on this forum have what I need for a reality check on a regular basis. As for the therapy I enjoy the fact that at some point, either in group or one-on-one, someone may benefit from my experience as I benefit from theirs.

Stay well - Semper Fi

Ba

 

[JennyMac]

Swamp,

You did not trigger me. This is how we talk here, we don't hold hands... we give real help, and vets need to be honest with one another THAT is how we help each other. If we didn't give a shit then no one would've said anything.... Honesty and respect for each other is the only way to climb this shitpile and we have to do it together. If you want to leave no one will stop you but if you want help we are here.

 

[vikingr12]

Swamprat,

(Like your nick by the way....)

Unfortunately I was one of the "spooks" but I was not one of the real ones I know and miss dammit, really love them in a way. As you get older, the negative things wear off and the nerves get thin and you are vulnerable. Even talking about some things here brings back too many memories. Too many.

We mostly did pararescue to Laos and Cambodia and often had to divert or get to those teams out there with no support at all, and bring them home. Patching those guys together was a miracle if they lived. Most of the time I never found out how they did. If they got medevaced, then I assumed they had a chance. And looking at holes in the side of the chopper was like watching parts of your life go by.

Jen is right though. I went many years keeping things in and now I am frankly embarrassed about some of the things I have said to keep the camouflage going. Sometimes when it comes out, I can't stop. It's like I think "It's my turn. Let me go."

Do I feel better afterwards? Probably not. This stuff does not go away. I have learned that here. The memories are like a slot machine that keeps turning and what it comes up with is anybody's guess. Talking about it now, I want to break something. You get to learn controlled rage. You have to.

My therapist is female and I would not have it any other way. I don't want a veteran who has "been there." Especially the ones who don't know shit about PTSD. They sit in judgment of you and what they come up with are the same old slang songs like "cowboy up" or "get your shit together." A therapist, trained in PTSD at least, listens to you. If they don't listen, get rid of them. Jimmy is right too. It's a game of rolling the dice to find a good therapist. I think it's probably harder than finding a wife. Whores are easy -- they just want money. But there are things that are just too sacred to talk about. We can tall "There I was" stories all day and night. Some true, others not. You get to know the difference. When you talk to a therapist, it's you who decides what is true or not. I just found that if you tell a fib, you don't progress very much. And you end up feeling like you hired a whore.

I also am at the most peace when I am in the woods. I think everyone is. The rules are simpler there. Less people, means less trouble.

Good luck to you. I miss Boston and New England in general. You are lucky to live there.

 

[JarHed]

I also am at the most peace when I am in the woods

Amen to that Brother.

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

Swamprat,

If you're still around I'd like to pass on one more thing. I live on an island next to a refuge that consists of rain forest. I go into that forest often, and I become part of it as it closes around me. While there I walk with the part of me I call the Dragon.

I will never let go of that old Dragon even if I could. He was born in a wolrd where only Dragons survive. And, without him I'd be a sheep in a world full of wolves.

As much as I love that Dragon I have to admit he can't love the way I need to love in order to have meaningful relationships. So, I have to find ways to calm him, and live the rest of my life while he sleeps.

If your beast (by whatever name) can feel and care and love and understand, then you're right. You don't need this site. My Dragon is a stone cold killer. I can't take him to visit my grandkids. And, I want to visit my grandkids.

SD

 

[Squip Mrbearsfriend]

Something I've come to understand is this: you don't go to a doctor with a (insert complaint here) and expect them to understand what it feels like have been injured by that complaint, illness, virus, etc. You go there to get treated. You go there with the understanding that they have been trained to treat the problem. They can't cure the act that caused the injury, illness, virus, etc, but they do have the treatment. They don't have to understand what it feels like, or have had that injury. And their gender doesn't matter. Most importantly, they, like any other professional, are human and practicing their trade or craft. They are capable of mistakes, you won't always 'gel' with them. They can and will get things wrong.

 

[bemental]

That quote comes to mind, "life is a journey, not a destination".

For me personally, and specifically with therapists, professional philosophy and methodology matters a lot and the sex of my therapist (I'm just starting to realize) matters as well.

I didn't have a father around growing up, and it's been difficult for me to trust men in my life, whether that's men at work, at my church, or in the chair across from me in a provider's office.

It's easier to sidestep a lot of what you said with various forms of treatment (I'm pretty OK telling my physical therapist to stick it when I'm not feeling up to treatment that day) but it takes a different sort of temperament do allow a therapist, neurologist, neuropsych, etc. do practice their craft on you.

 

[Swamprat 3]

Swamprat,

(Like your nick by the way....)

Unfortunately I was one of the "spooks" but I was not one of the real ones I know and miss dammit, really love them in a way. As you get older, the negative things wear off and the nerves get thin and you are vulnerable. Even talking about some things here brings back too many memories. Too many.

We mostly did pararescue to Laos and Cambodia and often had to divert or get to those teams out there with no support at all, and bring them home. Patching those guys together was a miracle if they lived. Most of the time I never found out how they did. If they got medevaced, then I assumed they had a chance. And looking at holes in the side of the chopper was like watching parts of your life go by.

Jen is right though. I went many years keeping things in and now I am frankly embarrassed about some of the things I have said to keep the camouflage going. Sometimes when it comes out, I can't stop. It's like I think "It's my turn. Let me go."

Do I feel better afterwards? Probably not. This stuff does not go away. I have learned that here. The memories are like a slot machine that keeps turning and what it comes up with is anybody's guess. Talking about it now, I want to break something. You get to learn controlled rage. You have to.

My therapist is female and I would not have it any other way. I don't want a veteran who has "been there." Especially the ones who don't know shit about PTSD. They sit in judgment of you and what they come up with are the same old slang songs like "cowboy up" or "get your shit together." A therapist, trained in PTSD at least, listens to you. If they don't listen, get rid of them. Jimmy is right too. It's a game of rolling the dice to find a good therapist. I think it's probably harder than finding a wife. Whores are easy -- they just want money. But there are things that are just too sacred to talk about. We can tall "There I was" stories all day and night. Some true, others not. You get to know the difference. When you talk to a therapist, it's you who decides what is true or not. I just found that if you tell a fib, you don't progress very much. And you end up feeling like you hired a whore.

I also am at the most peace when I am in the woods. I think everyone is. The rules are simpler there. Less people, means less trouble.

Good luck to you. I miss Boston and New England in general. You are lucky to live there.

===> I just saw this post. Wanted to thank you personally for what you did in Nam. I was pulled out of Cambodia twice by 20-ish year old hotshot helicopter pilots who had absolutely no fear under fire! My team got yanked from a river hanging on to the skids once - not a 'Dopes on a rope' extraction. Thank God for you guys! I am certain that I would not be here today if it wasn't for a couple of crazy-assed Huey crews!

The nick, "Swamprats" was actually "officially" assigned to my unit in Nam for a year or so. We were the only unit which was able to penetrate the swamps of the Rung Sat Special Zone in South Vietnam. As a Recon Team Leader, my call sign was Swamprat 3.

And yes, New England is pretty cool. I have several Harbor Sites cached-up all over NE, in case I need to melt away for a while.

Thank you, again, for what you did. If we ever meet, all drinks are on me!