Hi Everyone,
I have only recently been diagnosed with PTSD and actually began seeing my therapist for couples counseling. My husband just up and left me (walk-away spouse). Anyway, the therapist diagnosed me pretty quickly with PTSD – I’m sure he has some other diagnoses too, but he isn’t ready to share them yet.
I’m wondering whether anyone else has experienced any of the following, or if anyone has any suggestions for me.
I went into therapy deciding that I needed to be 100% open and honest if this had any chance of working – and I have been (which has been very hard for me as I have major trust issues). I feel that the therapist really pushes me hard – asking lots of questions when I say something, asking for multiple examples etc. I don’t mind this – I feel that it is helping me to really explain what is going on, and how I feel, and why. My issue is that he doesn’t do the same to my husband. He seems to be content to just let him be vague and even contradictory, and not follow-up with any questions.
I am not upset that I am treated and pushed harder, but I feel that I leave therapy and I am no closer to understanding why my husband left, or what his issues are. I am not sure how I am meant to “work on bettering myself” and work on saving my marriage when I have very little idea on what the major issues are. My husband also refuses to recognize PTSD as a “real” illness, and just sees it as a convenient excuse for my behavior. He hasn’t even decided if he wants to try and work on our marriage, but at least he is still coming to therapy, so until that stops, I guess there is hope.
I’m not sure whether my therapist thinks my husband has some sort of mental illness, and that is why he is treating him with kid gloves, or if he just feels that my issues are more dire so he is focusing on them. Regardless, the problem is that the issues I have with my husband cause me to withdraw and isolate and feel vulnerable, and these are the things I do that cause my husband to have issues with me – so it is a nasty circle that never ends. Without these issues being discussed fully I don’t know how we can try to overcome this, and the more I am made to feel like they don’t matter and are not important, the more temptation I have to withdraw and isolate.
I am also struggling because I have always been “the strong one” my entire life, and now that I am struggling, there is no one there to be strong for me. My husband only communicates with me in therapy, and my friends don’t know my full history and I currently don’t have the strength to tell them. I worry that because I am struggling to cope, that I may revert back to my comfort zone of withdrawal and avoidance, and then therapy will be a waste for me too. I have also started having nightmares again, which is another very strong persuader to me not giving 100% at therapy.
Finally, my husband is also giving me very conflicting messages. He doesn’t want anything to do with me when we are not in therapy – he won’t even come by the house to pick up the clothes he wants – he asks me to bring them to therapy for him. Yet, he tells me that when I go out for dinner with our friends, to let him know because he wants to come along. Or, I have something going on at work that he could be involved in, and he is trying to plan out what will be the best days and times for us to do this. It seems that he wants to be a part of my life for the things he wants or would benefit from, but not any other time. And he has been very specific about wanting time away from me and wanting to be left alone. This is frustrating me to no end, because I want to spend time with him and see him so my inclination is to go along with it, but I also don’t think it is right that I allow him to just pick and choose the pieces of my life that he wants to be involved in (especially when he doesn’t even know if he wants me in his life – it would be different if he said he was going to try, but he can’t even say that).
I am trying to stay strong, and I keep hoping that the next therapy session might be different - that might be the one where I get some of the missing pieces to the puzzle, or where I leave feeling like progress has been made. But I don’t know how much longer I can keep being this strong because I feel like the battle is starting to take a toll on me – I am losing weight each day even though I am forcing myself to eat (I am 5’ 8” and was 105.5lbs before my husband left, and now I am 98lbs), I am having trouble sleeping and when I do sleep I have nightmares, and I am losing hope that I am strong enough to fight off my old protective tendencies of isolate, withdraw, trust no one, and protect myself at all costs.
Any suggestions, thoughts, comments always appreciated.
I have only recently been diagnosed with PTSD and actually began seeing my therapist for couples counseling. My husband just up and left me (walk-away spouse). Anyway, the therapist diagnosed me pretty quickly with PTSD – I’m sure he has some other diagnoses too, but he isn’t ready to share them yet.
I’m wondering whether anyone else has experienced any of the following, or if anyone has any suggestions for me.
I went into therapy deciding that I needed to be 100% open and honest if this had any chance of working – and I have been (which has been very hard for me as I have major trust issues). I feel that the therapist really pushes me hard – asking lots of questions when I say something, asking for multiple examples etc. I don’t mind this – I feel that it is helping me to really explain what is going on, and how I feel, and why. My issue is that he doesn’t do the same to my husband. He seems to be content to just let him be vague and even contradictory, and not follow-up with any questions.
I am not upset that I am treated and pushed harder, but I feel that I leave therapy and I am no closer to understanding why my husband left, or what his issues are. I am not sure how I am meant to “work on bettering myself” and work on saving my marriage when I have very little idea on what the major issues are. My husband also refuses to recognize PTSD as a “real” illness, and just sees it as a convenient excuse for my behavior. He hasn’t even decided if he wants to try and work on our marriage, but at least he is still coming to therapy, so until that stops, I guess there is hope.
I’m not sure whether my therapist thinks my husband has some sort of mental illness, and that is why he is treating him with kid gloves, or if he just feels that my issues are more dire so he is focusing on them. Regardless, the problem is that the issues I have with my husband cause me to withdraw and isolate and feel vulnerable, and these are the things I do that cause my husband to have issues with me – so it is a nasty circle that never ends. Without these issues being discussed fully I don’t know how we can try to overcome this, and the more I am made to feel like they don’t matter and are not important, the more temptation I have to withdraw and isolate.
I am also struggling because I have always been “the strong one” my entire life, and now that I am struggling, there is no one there to be strong for me. My husband only communicates with me in therapy, and my friends don’t know my full history and I currently don’t have the strength to tell them. I worry that because I am struggling to cope, that I may revert back to my comfort zone of withdrawal and avoidance, and then therapy will be a waste for me too. I have also started having nightmares again, which is another very strong persuader to me not giving 100% at therapy.
Finally, my husband is also giving me very conflicting messages. He doesn’t want anything to do with me when we are not in therapy – he won’t even come by the house to pick up the clothes he wants – he asks me to bring them to therapy for him. Yet, he tells me that when I go out for dinner with our friends, to let him know because he wants to come along. Or, I have something going on at work that he could be involved in, and he is trying to plan out what will be the best days and times for us to do this. It seems that he wants to be a part of my life for the things he wants or would benefit from, but not any other time. And he has been very specific about wanting time away from me and wanting to be left alone. This is frustrating me to no end, because I want to spend time with him and see him so my inclination is to go along with it, but I also don’t think it is right that I allow him to just pick and choose the pieces of my life that he wants to be involved in (especially when he doesn’t even know if he wants me in his life – it would be different if he said he was going to try, but he can’t even say that).
I am trying to stay strong, and I keep hoping that the next therapy session might be different - that might be the one where I get some of the missing pieces to the puzzle, or where I leave feeling like progress has been made. But I don’t know how much longer I can keep being this strong because I feel like the battle is starting to take a toll on me – I am losing weight each day even though I am forcing myself to eat (I am 5’ 8” and was 105.5lbs before my husband left, and now I am 98lbs), I am having trouble sleeping and when I do sleep I have nightmares, and I am losing hope that I am strong enough to fight off my old protective tendencies of isolate, withdraw, trust no one, and protect myself at all costs.
Any suggestions, thoughts, comments always appreciated.
