Therapy - Difficulties With Therapist

[becvan]

I also think you should report her and get a new therapist. I wouldn't put up with that for 2 seconds!!!

bec

 

[fin]

I have to add my two cents here as someone in the same kind of situation.

First get to another therapist, as soon as possible, you will need to take time and care to begin with another, to be able to get some trust back about being treated, I would think.

And then secondly, yes complain, but this is secondly. But absolutely and if you have anything written up; diary entries, anything that will help you with your complaint....not necessarily to hand over to someone else but to be able to strengthen yourself with. Because there may come a point where you are called into question. Dont fight this for the sake of fighting it, although I don't think that is wrong to do, I do think that you have to prioritise yourself to the top of your list. Do you have an advocate that could complain on your behalf? I don't know how it works where you are, but here where I am the complaint procedure takes work. If it is something you can just file that someone else will then look into maybe it is easier there.


You first though- your needs have to come first here, otherwise it wont mattter if you complain or not, as it will break you down further if you are not in a better place to be able to cope with it.

This is just my opinion, I used to put the higher thing first...I used to think; I should do something about this so it doesn't happen to anyone else. And while I do still believe this, and this therapist (I think) should have a complaint lodged about their practise, well I think you absolutely have to come first. There is no higer glory if you go down before it ever gets dealt with.
You first then the rest


Really hoping that you are able to find someone that can help you.
Take care of you Trapped.

*hugs

~fin

And don't listen to someone else telling you the cuddly is wrong. I had a care co-ordinator repeatedly telling me I should have a drink, it would help me to unwind-yeah!! WTF? I don't normally swear either but ....And the guy still can't see that this is an unappropriate suggestion!!

 

[cragger65]

Sadly, you're therapist displays absolutely ZERO compassion for you in dealing with your difficulties. I would suggest dumping her immediately if not sooner. This is an unfortunate phenomenon in the psychological sciences, someone who has niether the personal experience nor the personal empathy to connect with you on a meaningful level, so thinks a "cook book" approach is the answer. She is wrong, you are right.

 

[trapped]

Thank you guys SO much for all the responses... and sorry I meant to reply sooner, but this month has just been hell for me. I think I've had about 3 complete nervous breakdowns within the past two weeks. That's a lot in a pretty short amount of time.

I'm looking for another therapist, but keeping her until I find another, only because it looks like I may not be able to find another in this area that I can afford. The counseling center where I see her at won't let me switch to a different therapist, they keep telling me to "just give her more time and you'll get attached to her enough that you'll like her eventually"... I doubt it. I left there again wanting to kill myself. I made the comment to her as I was walking out the door that I wouldn't see her next week cuz I was going home to take lots of sleeping pills. She didn't do anything about it. I didn't realize til I was driving away that I had actually said that out loud and didn't just think it like I intended, it just slipped out... and I was actually on my way to the store to get OTC sleeping pills... so I sent her text messages and left voice mails and called the front desk to see if they'd page the on call even becaue I was damn serious about killing myself, I didn't want to but knew I needed help being talked out of it. They wouldn't page the on call, because my therapist "is available, she's just doing something but she'll call you soon"... Four and a half hours is apparently soon... and I think the only reason she called then was because it got to where I was calling every damn 10 minutes. I didn't know what else to do. I was sitting in my car in the parkinglot in front of the pharmacy crying for those full four and a half hours. I didn't want to get out. I didn't want to get the pills. But part of me did. And part of me just wanted someone to care enough that when I call crying and saying "I've got this plan, here's what it is..." I want them to give me an accurate time frame at least, or page the on call cuz I thought that's what they're there for.

But so far looking into other centers hasn't been helpful. My therapist called a lot of the ones she knew I could afford and might look in to, and convinced them not to take me, because I'm "too complex a case" and gave them some bull about having already given me a list of referals for appropriate treatment (bull again... I would have been all over those in a second had she given them to me- in fact I keep asking for them every week).

I'm just horrified she's right about me. Maybe I am too complex... which I'm sort of hearing come across as "too hopeless" or "too difficult" or "beyond repair". She said that I'm doing this all to myself. She says nightmares don't make sense to get upset over, because I should be able to know it's just a dream, and we can control dreams. She said something similar about the flashbacks. She says the flashbacks are just my way of punishing and retraumatizing myself (so apparently she views me as some sort of sadist who likes all this stuff? I wouldn't wish a flashback on my worst enemy). And she just makes it seem like I should have more control over them than I do. Then when I'm having anxiety attacks and ak for help in learning to work through them in a HEALTHY manner, I don't get that help. But I do get help in being told to just take more xanax. Maybe I am overly cautious with it- sure beats being addicted to it though.

 

[the racha]

Trapped-- please go back and read your message; it sounds like this relationship with your therapist is really upsetting you, and with good reason. You've trusted her with your most delicate and precious feelings and she's stomping all over them like a raging bull. No therapist should be invalidating your feelings.

Any therapist familiar with PTSD understands that it is complex; the only person this is "too complex" for is your therapist! I cannot even imagine what it's like for a therapist to treat someone in this way. The reactions that you are having to her maltreatment and irresponsibility are perfectly common; it is common for PTSD sufferers to believe that they are "beyond repair" and she is just feeding into that.

It does not seem that this therapist is helping you at all but rather that she is hurting you. I don't know what region of the country you are in, but you may want to see if you have a local rape crisis center. The rape crisis center in DC, where I live, offers 6 months of free therapy for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. When i couldn't afford therapy, that is where I went. If they can't offer free counseling, then perhaps they can point you in the right direction.

Apologies if you've already tried this route, just thinking of what might help. It seems from your last post that your therapist is intent on keeping you there, you may want to consider reaching out to the same centers she called on your own (without telling your therapist) and speaking with counselors there about your situation.

Good luck.

 

[teejaye]

This is just a repeat of what The Racha already stated, but I want to reiterate everything she said. In fact, she read my mind! I work at a rape crisis center, and most that I know of are client-centered and empowerment based counselors. Also, because rape trauma syndrome (which almost all sexual assault victims experience parts of) is so similar to PTSD, and PTSD is commonly associated with rape, counselors at rape crisis centers are experienced and at least fairly knowledgeable about PTSD.

Something else I'd like you to consider, trapped...have you ever heard that old saying, "It's better to not be with anyone than be in a bad relationship"? That therapist is causing you harm. Viktor Frankl talks about "noogenic neurosis" as the very real psychological damage that is done by an inexperienced and/or malignant therapist to their client. This is not only real, it is greatly possible. I wonder if there is a connection for you between your therapist's treatment and the nervous breakdowns you have been experiencing. I worry about inadequate care, particularly when the client is dealing with something as difficult as PTSD. You are NOT too complex. PTSD is complex, but even PTSD is doable, in that you can discover coping mechanisms and support along the journey. You deserve better than this "therapist."

Another point and then I'll stop is that the center not letting you work with another therapist is in itself unethical. At my center, the minute a client asks for someone else, we pair them with another counselor and then strive to learn what (if anything) we can learn from it in order to better next time. Sometimes it is something we can't help, such as being too young to relate to, or nationality being the same the perpetrator. But sometimes we learn that we said something really stupid, and that helps us get better. This is the type of regard all people deserve when they seek therapy from someone.

 

[becvan]

Trapped: this therapist is toxic. She is sabotaging you getting a different therapist and didn't do ANYTHING about a plan to commit suicide?

I'm sorry but you are better off without her at the moment. I realize that putting in an official complaint may be too difficult. If you can definitely do it, if not please get away from this woman. She isn't even carrying out her responsibility of care as a therapist, by any stretch. All PTSD cases are complex, which is why we need therapists with experience with it.

You are not beyond repair and this is not your fault. You are not doing this to yourself. This woman should have her license yanked for that!!!:mad: She obviously does not understand PTSD at all.

Please stop seeing this woman and work on finding someone else in the meantime.

Are there any crisis lines you can call next time you have an emergency with suicide?

bec

 

[Deleted member 541]

I have to say... That I also think that you need to STOP seeing this therapist. I actually think that you would be better off for now without her. I would stop seeing her NOW, and wait till you can find another therapist.

She isn't helping you, and in fact may be hurting you and putting you in more emotional danger......Please stop seeing this therapist.

 

[Lisa]

I'm with everyone else.

I had a therapist behave in a similar manner, in terms of telling me it was all my fault, I wanted to be this way, even telling me that some of his clients would be better off killing themselves and are just taking up money in this country! And a whole lot more...

I stayed with his abuse for quite a while, and I never fully recovered... I am still trying to trust another therapist, years later, and still can't shake the fear...and I got just like you did...

...this is NOT you, this is HER... and she is absolutely, 100% abusing her position of power and responsibility...

I would suggest some crisis lines as a first port of call to keep you going until you get a good therapist... some of them offer counselling or you can call the same person (don't know what it's like where you are though)... I am quite concerned for you and what this "therapist" is doing. She is retraumatising you all by herself. You will not get any better with her... only worse

This is absolutely terrible for you. I can why you are so upset. And she has got you so worn down and distressed, doubting yourself, that you are being emotionally abused into staying with her. not to mention the control she is trying to exert over you when you try to go elsewhere.

This woman should not be practising. I'm so sorry you're going through this... but I think you must get away from this abusive woman.

 

[freya]

Dear Trapped, the therapist sounds like someone who cannot accept that she is unable to help you. She has her methods and apparently she is unable to realize that they do not work with you, and that you cannot do the things she thinks would be right or helpful for you.
She has not been in your shoes and apparently refuses to imagine that maybe you need something more, or something different, from what she is offering. Please be aware it's HER problem, not yours. She's simply not sensitive enough and lacking in flexibility to be able to help you, I think.
It's a crying shame she let you walk out of her office with that comment about going to take lots of pills. At LEAST she should have called you back and even if she did not have the time or the skills to help you, she should have ADMITTED that and offered you a phone number or another avenue to find help at that moment of crisis.

I can so very much relate to what you wrote about needing someone to show their care. Maybe it helps (don't know if you can do it when you're so upset) to try to remember that there are MANY people who would help you - just not this person (because this person has a totally incorrect view of who you really are and what your capacities are.).
So what I mean to say is: you need and deserve MUCH more care and attention than just that one call, and to have that call come within five minutes rather than within five hours. You are just asking the wrong person to give you what you need, as it's someone who cannot understand it, and this way your feelings of not being deserving of care are triggered to come to the foreground. I think.
I don't know if you can but maybe when you get into such a state again, you could call someone else, a friend, a hotline, someone who will give you a 'yes' and who will validate your feeling of needing support rather than someone who will give you another 'no' that will only reinforce your (false) belief that you are not deserving of help.

She is NOT right about you... she just doesn't understand you or your needs. In fact I think she may be blind to your true capacities and willingness to help yourself. I don't think you should try to show her though, it's not your fault that she cannot see it, she just can't. I'd like to say; 'do not assume she knows what she is doing, as she doesn't'. You may know (much) more about compassion and true support than this person ever will.

You are not 'too complex'. No person is 'too complex'. SHE is lacking in patience, acceptance and insight. You are not 'beyond repair' and hey, it doesn't sound like she's even tried to really 'repair you'; she's just been sticking her own methods and ideas on you.
Of course you can get upset over dreams, and you can get upset over flashbacks. You have been through trauma, and anything that reminds you of it, will bring feelings of upset.
My thought is maybe a therapist should first focus with you on learning methods to relax. Rather than to insist you should be able to control yourself.

Hoping you will find a better therapist soon.

love, Freya

 

[fin]

perfectly put Freya - thankyou

~fin