Therapy for abuser?

[Fadeaway]

Forgiveness is completely possible and very healing.

I will never forgive my abuser. He doesn't deserve it, and frankly, I have never found forgiveness to be freeing. I think it messed me up more.

I think seeing his sisters therapist would be cruel to her. It would take away her ability to trust and feel safe with her therapist.

If he was under 10 I would say @Friday has a point, but he was 18. Nope, he knew damn well what he was doing was wrong. and that bullshit about early onset dementia in his 40's? Me thinks you are being played.

Yes he needs to get in therapist but he needs to stay the hell away from her therapist. A therapist isn't going to report abuse that isn't currently occurring. Hers or his.

It is doubtful the other sister or friend reported it either.

I am sorry but all bets are off when you say this guy was 18 at the time, that totally changes the dynamics and abusers who abuse at 18 are rarely likely to have stopped without help. Unlike someone who was around 10 or so.

If he really wants to help her then he needs to stay away from her and everyone she has contact with.

 

[shimmerz]

People go to therapy to help come to resolution for themselves. It is not about having an agenda to control how others feel and react. Then it becomes a form of manipulation.

 

[Casey_03]

Agree with @Fadeaway here. Something seems fishy about this guy's story. And yeah, if he was 18 when it happened, I doubt it was an isolated incident. If he's worried about it being reported, that might mean he's aware of other incidents that would come to the surface and get him in trouble. Maybe not just with his sister. I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations would have already expired on the incident from when he was 18, no?

 

[Nessa7]

I think it would be wrong for him to approach his sister without fully exploring what happened with a therapist. It would help his sister by having him be prepared if she ever chooses to have further contact with him. Any meeting should be about his younger sister's well-being, and one way to help ensure that is for him to work with a therapist on his own so he can know that he's done everything he can to deal with his own issues. Having contact with his sister and speaking about this is something that would obviously be difficult and might cause unexpected reactions and feelings, and he needs to do everything he can to minimize the likelihood that they would have a negative effect on his sister.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I know a lot of the discussion is centered around the abusee but curious about therapy for the abuser.

I repressed memories of abuse from toddlerhood. I did not remember them until I was 12 or 13. When I remembered them, I thought maybe I had made them up - so I spoke to the person involved and confirmed them. He and my parents were all open when I asked about these things - stuff happened, I forgot, and everyone thought I was too little to remember.

When I remembered, the person who abused me offered to go to therapy for himself, sort of a good-faith effort in helping me recover (he was early adolescent at the time of the abuse, 9 years older than me).
I said, Not now, maybe in the future. This was 20 years ago.
Now I say, Please; he says No. He's "past it," he told me.
I'm not currently speaking to him.