Therapy not deserved

[Fiadh]

@Multitudes ... Last rolo every time! But thank you for your kind words.

@Xena- be as blunt as you can- is good stuff in my book.

But it's hard to describe, I don't feel like I 'deserve' it- because of the things that I didn't do at the time of the event. People died because of me, because I didn't do the right things, and saved my sorry arse. It really does mess with my head when people say that it's not your fault, or that I was too young myself, that shouldn't have stopped me from doing everything I could.

Which comes back to the I should suffer this amount and not allow myself to have therapy.

But anyway this is turning into a woe is me thread, but thank you for all of your responses they have been helpful

 

[Multitudes]

People died because of me, because I didn't do the right things

You are not alone with guilt - I can't take away yours or mine, can't change the past for either of us.. can't bring my friend back to life.
I live with my choices and pray I'll make better ones.. that's all I can do.

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Iriseen... Thankyou... OK so people died because of you so you killed them?...

I think you're giving yourself a hard time... You saved yourself right... Most people would do that... You were traumatised... In pain.. How are you supposed to react?... Do things?...

Im kinda just fishing around here cos I don't know the details.... And obviously don't need to...

All I know is don't you think you have suffered enough...?... You were not responsible for other people decisions... And you're meant to be happy in this life.... You know this.. Don't suffer anymore... Get some therapy... You do deserve it....

 

[Fiadh]

Hi @Iriseen... Thankyou... OK so people died because of you so you killed them?...

Caught up in a natural disaster, but then yes I killed them because I wasn't able to dig them out of the landslides in time. I can't forgive myself for those- because I could have tried harder, should have tried harder. But didn't... why the f*ck didn't I?

I can see how this all adds up to 'you need therapy' but maybe this is my punishment for those children and adults who lost their lives.

I live with my choices and pray I'll make better ones.. that's all I can do.

I'm not sure I can live with what happened, I chose the wrong thing to do- so therefore I live by it. I get that. I was brought up that way. The only way I can pay back is by being a better person towards other people now, and I stand by that everyday.

 

[Teasel]

The only way I can pay back is by being a better person towardsother people now, and I stand by that everyday....

In airplanes they tell people to put their own oxygen on before helping others as you are far more able to help others when you are OK yourself x