Therapy Reevaluation

[Justmehere]

That may either sound off centre to people or be obvious to them.

Actually, what you write about makes sense to me —- including the struggle and feeling like this may be off or obvious to others. If so, well, I’m right there with you. There are some aspects of relational trauma that I think can be worked on alone, and some that almost have to be worked on in the context of relationship. Maybe. Still working it through myself. But there is something called a “corrective emotional experience” that can happen in relationship even without going into the trauma that can be really helpful. Hard to explain well.

Discussing concepts will of course be useful at times but I really want to try not to get sucked into obsessive intellectualising this time.

It’s wise to recognize this.

Someone with a bit of DBT or mindfulness. I also have some impending family stuff that could pretty messy and would mean I need to have more support. Thanks again for the input.

I was actually going to suggest a therapist with DBT skills, and to perhaps not go the psychodynamic route at this time. Psychodynamic therapists will more likely intellectualize with you and want to jump into the trauma more. Many DBT therapists can do *a lot* of work without jumping into the trauma, or getting all crawled up into reason and intellectualism only. In fact a core principle of DBT is to balance out “reason mind” with “emotion mind” to reach “wise mind.” For me, DBT helped me not just go to “reason” alone but to be able to have a more integrated approach to life. They could especially help with interpersonal skills work. I know you have ruled out groups. I found DBT groups more like classes than therapy, and I think the work you need to do would be better one on one.

Sounds like you are headed in the right direction.

 

[Abstract]

Hi @shimmerz Sorry that is the case in Canada. Very common here. Although often people aren't even getting near someone who knows enough about trauma to know to do the trauma work. Not at all any where near enough funding. Worst of all they didn't tell me it was time limited until the 3rd last session. I was already a total mess. Some crazy stuff happened after I finished.

 

[Abstract]

Hi @grit,
Oh I totally appreciate and know that the therapy relationship involves discussion and a process of fitting around each other. Sorry if I didn't express that well. What I rather meant is that I don't want to end up spending too much time in the therapy room discussing theory and intellectualising the experience rather than being in it. A lot of the therapy I had in the past I was either emotionally distanced this way or was dissociated. Usually both. I will always automatically think in this way and that is fine. I just don't want it to dominate everything. Balance. I can allow it to happen flexibly.

I think if you end up in a situation where re traumatisation is occurring and you and the therapist manage to bring it back it can be very healing so glad that was the case for you. Sadly my last bout with a therapist in this way didn't end like that no matter how hard I tried to get her to hear me or to change it. Too much to write about that. It would be a book. It really cracked my mind open in a not nice way after. Seemed to get down into the centre of my self. And then that seemed to open up the PTSD symptoms. They ramped up hugely. Not sure I yet understand how these things link together but they did then. The annoying thing about this messy interpersonal stuff is I have realised the amount of obstacles it puts in the way of doing the work I want to do. All this crap is in the way. Massive obstacle course. Thanks.

 

[Abstract]

Hey @Justmehere , Its always a bit of a relief when someone can make some sense of what I write. It seldom feels very clear. Thank you for sharing you have some of these thoughts too. I often feel the relational trauma stuff creates such an obstacle course around everything else that getting to the bigger processing is tricky. Totally agree that some of it has to be worked through in context of a relationship. Therapy should be a good place for it. ?? I have done masses of work on a lot that is related. Connection to self, functioning in the world in general but this stuff is more tricky.

I give a good appearance of being interpersonally functional in every day life. Work, "friendships" etc. In therapy the veneer breaks though and I find it... challenging.

I have had corrective emotional experiences before. I guess really the therapy relationship ( cringe at the word every time) involves constant cycles of reenacting to some extent or another. But also I suspect empathic attunement is important and I have had very little of that in life and extremely little in therapy. The last one was the only one that touched on it. That is quite largely due to my own patterns. Since I was in denial, shut down and very dissociated; unconsciously keep control of the situation rather than being there, it would take a genius therapist getting past that and I don't think I had any of those. So I did realise some of my patterns and it did confront me with them and the inevitable result of them. Have spent the last 7 years trying to come out of denial, stay present, let people in just a little and trying to get used actually saying what is happening me and accepting help.

Your comments on DBT are spot on for me. Connecting to myself has been the biggest challenge and I have found the DBT modal helpful for that. Thanks again.

PS. Actually wanted to add I have some weird stuff happening on occasion when I see someone who has trauma being heard believed and have a positive response. I go into a freeze state and then shake. Maybe a trauma release. Not sure. And the opposite gets right to me oppositely too. Something about trauma affected the way I see human beings and humanity and connection feels like it starts deconstructing just one aspect of the trauma in some way. Again maybe a weird thought or maybe obvious. Not sure.

 

[Justmehere]

My head is out of sorts today, but what you describe in your post script, I can really relate with that. I work in a place where I help people build bridges - I think I’m trying to solve how trauma broke my sense of connection between humans.

 

[Abstract]

Thanks for that thought @Justmehere and for telling me you relate. I can understand the foundation of what you are describing. Its started to feel like that is one part of the core of this stuff for me. Part of the structure that needs to be dismantled. Even when approaching it feels like a really bad idea, instinctually.