Therapy?

[Jenbrookify]

Maybe the reason I don't want to go to therapy is that they might say I'm fine and I'm making everything up. That I'm just obsessed with myself. That I'm just translating my stress from school into this bigger problem. That after she says that my mom will sigh about the money she had to spend to get someone to tell her that I'm just stressed out. That my brother will tell me to stop being such a drama queen.

And if they don't say that then I will go to sessions and after a few they will decide that they were wrong. I am fine. I really am just self obsessed. I am just stressed out. And my mom will sigh about the money she spent to get someone to tell her that her daughter is just stressed out. And my brother will tell me to suck it up.

And if they don't change their minds then I will go to sessions, and I will constantly feel like I have to lie. I feel like I will have to work to convince her that I am not ok. I will have to work to convince my mom that I am not ok enough that she has to pay money for someone to talk to. I will have to work to convince my brother that I am not ok and I deserve to get to calm down. I will have to work to pretend that I am ok, when I'm not ok, and work to make sure that I am not pretending that I am ok too well because then people will think that I am ok when I'm not. It's too much work.

I don't want to have to work to convince other people that I am not ok. It's easier to just be not ok inside on my own, and not have to push it out. It's safe inside. I can just be not ok with myself.

 

[franciemarnie]

I don't know your situation, but if the responses you anticipate from your brother and mother are indicative of how they treat you in general - as in denying your reality, then that tells me it's possible you grew up in an environment where it was said, everything is fine! even when it wasn't. And if everything wasn't fine, so much so that everyone was so terrified they had to pretend, then maybe you've got something going on there.

I would hope a person's family would be concerned when a person's says they think they need a T because I don't know anyone who would go if they didn't have to.

I don't know your symptoms, but if you are feeling so badly that you need professional help, then for sure you should check it out.

You know how you feel and what life is like for you. No one else does. Sometimes family doesn't want to know. Sometimes it's in their best interests that they deny your reality.

In college my mother insisted nothing could be wrong with me. Still I went to a T.

So what if your mother sighs and your brother rolls his eyes. This is your life.

 

[Echo]

@Jenbrookify - I have to rush out, but I just wanted to say that you have every right to have your own feelings. They do not need to be corroborated by anyone else. Your family do not need to believe them. A therapist will believe you and take your seriously. They will do so, because you have such feelings. That is enough to seek help.

I imagine it would be very difficult to have to be reliant on your mother paying for your sessions when it may well be that, in part at least, your relationship with her is central to the problem. I'm wondering if there is any way at all you could have therapy that does not require your mother to pay. I don't know what the root of your problems are, but in most Western countries, there are sources of therapy that don't cost anything or only a very small amount in the form of a donation. If you were able in some sense to be independent of your mother's control, maybe that would help you feel able to just be with your symptoms. If you let us know which country you are in, someone might be able to suggest what resources exist.

 

[Em C.]

Like @Echo says, there is cheaper in help in a lot of Western countries but additionally you mentioned being in school. Most universities and colleges have free counselling

 

[Jenbrookify]

I told my mom that I signed up for this forum. It was my way of hinting that something was wrong, and she immediately realized. My mom was just oblivious. She had no clue that I was suffering, and didn't bother to think more about the break downs I had and my growing insomnia.

She probably thought it was just stress. I talked to her about it and she said that we should get a therapist. She hasn't done anything yet but I found a therapist that's close by and within our price range, and I'll show her tomorrow.

My trauma isn't because of my mom but I recently realized that we do have pretty bad communication issues. I love my mom, and she can usually tell if something's wrong no matter how much I try to hide it. It pains me that for a year and a half she didn't think anything was wrong, but I guess I can't expect someone to read my mind, so I have to work on telling people about how I really feel.