General Therapy

[georgie1668]

Hi everyone

Just a quick question - my man who suffers from PTSD was diagnosed two and a half years ago and at that time entered hospital for about six weeks and did the PTSD inpatient program. On discharge, he was advised to attend an outpatient PTSD follow-up program, but chose not to. In the meantime, he has managed to get some normality back to his life but continues to struggle with symptom management. I have some training in counselling, being a social worker, and spoke to him earlier in the year from the point of view of a professional and stated that I felt strongly that I thought he needed some intervention in order to manage better and that although he had managed to get back in to employment and was coping in some ways, emotionally he is stuck.

Anyhow, we haven't spoken about it since but he was recently in hospital (only for a week) and since then has been struggling again. I am really wanting to encourage him to go for counselling but in a supportive, non-dictatatorial manner. I have looked at heaps of postings on this forum from sufferers, a lot of whom have stated that therapy was absolutely necessary in order to function. He has told me he is scared of confronting his trauma, but I know through my training, that a trained therapist will make a safe place for him before starting to do any intensive work.

Any suggestions about how to broach the subject? should I offer to attend? I just know people have to make up their own minds but he is stuck with the fear of reliving the trauma.

Thanks for reading.

Much care to everyone - hard road it is...

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Georgie. It is nice that you are so concerned but unfortunately a Sufferer generally will only go to therapy if they want to deal with their trauma. It is up to them no matter how nicely you ask or suggest.

Sometimes, in a relationship, the catalyst is 'get help or get out' but that is only dependent on whether the sufferer is willing and wants the relationship bad enough.

From my experience any subject with a male PTSD Sufferer is to be honest and straight to the point without any waffle. Then let them sit with it. Eg saying something like I really think you need therapy and then let it be. Only he can then decide if he will do anything about it.

 

[2quilt]

As your man already knows from inpatient treatment, it's hard to face your trauma, but it's they only way to heal. Ignoring the problem does not make it go away. He will have to be strong and ask for help himself when he is ready, which I hope is sooner rather than later.

 

[ISupportHer]

I had similar thoughts even before the reading the previous responses.

I would also say that you just have to tell him what you think. That you love him and can see that it is needed. But somehow, and this can be the hard part, without any pleading tone or sense of nagging that he would hear.

Kind of a quick, this is my message, then stop. Before you feel compelled to over explain, etc.

It really is up to him as far as deciding. Not saying don't ever repeat your message but bringing it up time and time again can be counterproductive.

ISH

 

[Nicky31]

Support

Hello there Georgie,

I have been so encouraged by your understanding, empathy and willingness to provide ongoing support to your man.

I, like others that have replied, feel that being direct about asking the question would probably be most beneficial. It shouldn't come as a massive surprise that you have been thinking about it, given his latest stay in hospital. I have found, and this might just be me, that making even basic decisions and seeing a way through things can sometimes in itself be too much. By simply asking "Would you like to consider revisiting therapy?", it might just be the catalyst to get things moving again.

You can also try afterwards to have that discussion about his fears, which are understandable. Aknowedging they exist is a good start and you can also make good use here of your training and understanding of how therapy works- like you say, making sure the client is safe before doing the heavy work.

I really wish you well with this,

Nic

 

[CCurry]

Hi Georgie,

It's nice to hear you are so supportive and caring for your sufferer.

Many of us carers can relate to your pain and frustrations but I have say I really took the hardline with my bf. Initially it was a struggle to get mine on board with a therapist or for that matter even to go to his family doctor. After awhile of him waffling and lying to me about actually making that doctors appointment (I found out by playing detective), I sat him down and was very direct with what I said. I had put a lot of thought into what I was willing to accept and so my decision on what to do was based on how that evening turned out. I just told him that unless he's willing to really follow through and get help then I cannot put myself and my children through this hell hole.

But I meant it and although it would have pained me immensely if his answer was he wanted to wallow in his ptsd, I knew that it was the right decision for me.

Fast forward a few weeks, he has told me that he knows for sure that if I hadn't pushed him he would still be wallowing but his love for me is greater than his ptsd. So I consider myself lucky that he is finally on board and its still not easy but at least he is in therapy and on meds.

In regards to therapy, he's told his therapist that he is afraid of feeling okay, ptsd is comfortable for him and its what he knows so that is where he's fear is at.

I hope things work out for both of you, I'll be following your story and I'm wishing you nothing but the best!

C.

 

[Pam]

Your guy has said exactly what my C has said. Being okay is scarier than being consumed by ptsd. He still has that fear but is slowly overcoming it and allowing himself longer periods of being okay. I wonder why that fear is there.

 

[georgie1668]

Hi everyone

Thank you so much for your input. So far I haven't had the opportunity to have any discussion with my man as his new medication has totally whacked him out and made things worse - he has now changed it again and is waiting for it to work - poor guy - honestly how unfair is that.

But I will be taking all your suggestions on board - and i know I can only encourage him - I will be only doing it once in a non-directive way.

I honestly think he is the person for me, no matter how difficult it is - I am lucky that I am in a good position in my life and am happy with everything. Just need to work on this relationship in my own way and hopefully we can both come out the other end together. Of course I know he needs to work on it too when he is well - a long road but one I am more than willing to walk for now. I know that as long as I maintain my boundaries, I will be okay.

Strength comes in self-care, and doing what I love - luckily I have the opportunity to do so - I have two gorgeous little boys, I have a supportive ex-husband, I have wonderful friends, I love my work and study - I also love my man - lets see what happens - to all those carers and sufferers out there I have nothing but admiration and empathy for you all.

Take care