scout86
VIP Member
How can it be unhelpful to bring something up? You mean in the sense that, having brought it up it's much harder to pretend that it doesn't exist?
You know, stuff with my mother never rose to the level of big t trauma. I didn't even realize not being attached to your caregivers was a thing. (I still don't really get the whole attachment thing.) But my T asked me once, "Have you ever thought about how rest this might have been different if you'd a different mother? ANY mother?" I hadn't. Now I have. It's a real thing that it probably would have mattered. A LOT.
You can handle your relationship with your mother any way you want. I never had an honest conversation with mine because she wasn't up for it, she was NEVER going to "validate" my experience, or anything like that, and I had NO interest in fighting for its own sake. So I kept my mouth shut and played along. But having my T to bounce stuff off the last couple years was extremely helpful. For one thing, I learned, I think, how to see who was responsible for what. Not blaming,, mind you. My mother did the best she could, it just wasn't all that good. The thing is, I did the best I could too. I was just being asked to do and be something that wasn't possible and that not my fault either. I think you might benefit from something similar.
You know, stuff with my mother never rose to the level of big t trauma. I didn't even realize not being attached to your caregivers was a thing. (I still don't really get the whole attachment thing.) But my T asked me once, "Have you ever thought about how rest this might have been different if you'd a different mother? ANY mother?" I hadn't. Now I have. It's a real thing that it probably would have mattered. A LOT.
You can handle your relationship with your mother any way you want. I never had an honest conversation with mine because she wasn't up for it, she was NEVER going to "validate" my experience, or anything like that, and I had NO interest in fighting for its own sake. So I kept my mouth shut and played along. But having my T to bounce stuff off the last couple years was extremely helpful. For one thing, I learned, I think, how to see who was responsible for what. Not blaming,, mind you. My mother did the best she could, it just wasn't all that good. The thing is, I did the best I could too. I was just being asked to do and be something that wasn't possible and that not my fault either. I think you might benefit from something similar.
