General Thinking Out Loud....

[sisu]

You know those days when you get dressed and leave the house because you have to - but really you just want to stay in bed because you are having a really bad day and it isn't even 8am yet. But then you stop by the store to get a cup of coffee and the nice man behind the counter hands you your coffee and change back and says, "you look really nice today, that color looks good on you". Then you leave the store and realize that you have the biggest smile on your face and that man behind the counter, who you don't even know, just changed the direction of your day by those simple words.

We know those "signs" that our PTSD sufferer is having a bad day even before they ever open their mouth. What if we said something out of the blue before they ever have a chance to open their mouth that could change the direction of their mood. A compliment or kind words...or something. :)

 

[amethist]

Glad your day was made better for you sisu.

As for a comment changing the mood of our sufferer or the way they are thinking, I would love to be able to do that right now, just not going to happen.

But thanks for the idea, I will use it one day.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I think noticing the little positives is healthy for the person noticing them. To say them aloud validates that there is a glimmer of hope.

You might not get an immediate response from someone who's on their knees. They might not even hear you. But if you can say it anyway, its got to be good for someone.

 

[Eleanor]

Will try. Not hopeful. :( And still pretty reactive to his moods myself.

 

[Tinyflame]

There's something 'right' about what sisu has said, but I can't put my finger on it. :confused: :unsure:
Maybe the direction in which conversatin goes.. (?) Idk- 'something'.
Like an anchor to a ship.

 

[JohnJohn]

Its great when a few kind words or acts of kindness change things around. Being a guy I am not by design as sensitive as I could be with situations. Communication is key to establishing a connection with anyone, especially loved ones.

Since I can not make the hurt and pain directly leave the mind of my loved one and I really hate sitting on the side line, not able to help out as much as I want too, my therapist gave me home work and introduced me to a book called the "Five love languages."

It helps us communicate love in the language of loved ones, even if we speak a different language than they do. I thought I was showing support, but it was my language not my loved ones. Now I can say what I mean and they understand it as I mean it in the few moments we have to connect.

It also gave me something constructive to do to make me a better communicator to all loved ones too, just don't tell the guys please.;)

 

[Tinyflame]

YOur secret is safe John, lol.

 

[Tinyflame]

Somewhere, still, I think sisu is on to something.

I don't mean it at all as kind words or compliments (though those are really nice of course), but even more so, somewhere with ptsd (because it is relentless, in our mind), there is a 'need' almost for -geez, what is it? Someone to be able to provide the stabilty or 'hopefulness' that doesn't occur to 'us' (well, 'me', anyway), in the moment. Idk.
I can only describe it as, when you are that wound up, un-winding is a relief. Because (and) somewhere otherwise it feels like you are getting dragged along and out with the ptsd-(negative)-tide. :(

I'm sorry if this is not at all helpful, I don't understand it myself.

Maybe it's because there is so much requisite energy required to deal with and manage the ptsd, or to maintain stability, and the symptoms can be so awful, maybe it's just nice to 'forget' for a while.

Or maybe it's just even to just be accepted, "Warts and FB's and all", to not have to worry (if) you have one, or how you 'are', etc.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Junebug, I think you're onto something there.

When I have my day out at work once a week:) I'm busy working with people who are focussed on creating something positive together. They don't know or care about ptsd, and I feel good when I've been around them.

I think it means so much to talk about a song on the radio, or the funny thing someone saw on the bus, or just something lighthearted about the TV. Anything thats not about me or ptsd.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes MS! :)
((((Hugs))))

 

[Pale Warrior]

You know what MS, that is something my husband has said recently.

So much of his life in the past ten years has been in a wheelchair/in plaster/on crutches/in therapy that now he can walk he doesn't want to be reminded by talking about it. He gets so angry when well meaning friends want to talk about it, even saying how wonderful his recovery has been gets him wound up.