Where to start, I'm 24, and I'm successful in my career, some might say quite good at it, but in the past 3 months my life fell apart, due to me holding onto my past.
Ive been working 14hr days, 6 days a week, the work load was intense and it broke me, my girlfriend left me for it and some other reasons too and now have been on and off for the past 2 months. I have been told a psych that I suffer from severe separation anxiety and that I've never faced my past.
My mother left my dad when I was 2 and changed our names so he couldn't find us and soon after when we were young my brothers (3 and 4) and I (2) have been in and out of foster care, every time we went back to our mum she failed the review and we were placed into a different foster parents home (some years up to 5 different houses). Though out my child hood my brothers and I have being in 30+ different homes because of our mum wanting us back. She didn't want us back for any other reason then to use us as servants, to cook, clean, make coffee and even let some of her partners beet us for unjustified reasons. Still the government still let her have us and most foster homes were no different, some carers let the kids fight us and we weren't allowed to fight back, another would send my brother and myself to bed at 6 so they could have family time, to be treated like a second class citizen and wonder why are we so different? but out of all the homes we lived in there are only 2 I felt safe and comfortable.
It wasn't later in life that I found this out, but my mother only wanted my brother and I because she got paid for it, my mother was a prostitute and a drug addict, again I didn't find that out until later.
When I was 10 I finally had a case manager that realised what was going on wasn't right and took my mum to court, since that day she is no longer allowed to care for kids :) but the tournament didn't end there, when I was 14 the government found out that my mum was a prostitute and on mothers day 2004 I answer the phone, all she said was "I don't love you, I never did" (literly destroyed me inside)
A couple of months later, my dad was found and the introduced us, I knew him for 3 days and someone thought it would be wise because I was the youngest I should leave my brothers and live with him (13 hours away). After 2 months living with him, he kicked me out for not changing my name back and for having a girlfriend, I lived on the streets for a couple of days, until she offered me to live with her. After 18 months with her, she fell pregnant, so I left school and moved to where I could get a job, she ended up having a miss carriage and we ended up breaking up. I took me 4 years to find my self after all this, a lot of drinking, drugs and getting in trouble with the law.
pretty much uneventful on the negative side until now, started going to a psych and she said my mind treats people as the are dead when they leave, because its easier to deal with, but It doesn't work when I care/love them, that's why its it me so hard about my ex. Its hard, trying to put on a strong face everyday, living the demons of my past that tournament me every night, but I hope this some way helps
The worst part is, when I think of my childhood, all I feel is helplessness, despair and the lack of love. That no one cared for my brothers or me, that when we were injured, it was about covering it up not about seeing if we were ok and the only people that did care were my brothers, as powerless as myself. We could of died and would of batted and eye, that's what gets to me the most.
Thanks for reading/listening
Ive been working 14hr days, 6 days a week, the work load was intense and it broke me, my girlfriend left me for it and some other reasons too and now have been on and off for the past 2 months. I have been told a psych that I suffer from severe separation anxiety and that I've never faced my past.
My mother left my dad when I was 2 and changed our names so he couldn't find us and soon after when we were young my brothers (3 and 4) and I (2) have been in and out of foster care, every time we went back to our mum she failed the review and we were placed into a different foster parents home (some years up to 5 different houses). Though out my child hood my brothers and I have being in 30+ different homes because of our mum wanting us back. She didn't want us back for any other reason then to use us as servants, to cook, clean, make coffee and even let some of her partners beet us for unjustified reasons. Still the government still let her have us and most foster homes were no different, some carers let the kids fight us and we weren't allowed to fight back, another would send my brother and myself to bed at 6 so they could have family time, to be treated like a second class citizen and wonder why are we so different? but out of all the homes we lived in there are only 2 I felt safe and comfortable.
It wasn't later in life that I found this out, but my mother only wanted my brother and I because she got paid for it, my mother was a prostitute and a drug addict, again I didn't find that out until later.
When I was 10 I finally had a case manager that realised what was going on wasn't right and took my mum to court, since that day she is no longer allowed to care for kids :) but the tournament didn't end there, when I was 14 the government found out that my mum was a prostitute and on mothers day 2004 I answer the phone, all she said was "I don't love you, I never did" (literly destroyed me inside)
A couple of months later, my dad was found and the introduced us, I knew him for 3 days and someone thought it would be wise because I was the youngest I should leave my brothers and live with him (13 hours away). After 2 months living with him, he kicked me out for not changing my name back and for having a girlfriend, I lived on the streets for a couple of days, until she offered me to live with her. After 18 months with her, she fell pregnant, so I left school and moved to where I could get a job, she ended up having a miss carriage and we ended up breaking up. I took me 4 years to find my self after all this, a lot of drinking, drugs and getting in trouble with the law.
pretty much uneventful on the negative side until now, started going to a psych and she said my mind treats people as the are dead when they leave, because its easier to deal with, but It doesn't work when I care/love them, that's why its it me so hard about my ex. Its hard, trying to put on a strong face everyday, living the demons of my past that tournament me every night, but I hope this some way helps
The worst part is, when I think of my childhood, all I feel is helplessness, despair and the lack of love. That no one cared for my brothers or me, that when we were injured, it was about covering it up not about seeing if we were ok and the only people that did care were my brothers, as powerless as myself. We could of died and would of batted and eye, that's what gets to me the most.
Thanks for reading/listening
