This Is Why I'm Angry At My Therapist!

[BloomInWinter]

How has it been for you since you've cut her from your life? Do you have kids? And if so how has it been for them? Do you miss her at all?

Cutting out our dysfunctional family members has been ALL positive. They haven't hurt our children the way they hurt us, our children have none of the 'buttons' they know they can push...we're slowly looking at ways to connect BUT with very firm boundaries.

...and we've put that energy into finding people actually capable of being supportive of us without the manipulation.

That's the thing, I think, that truly has helped me stay detached from them. Because all the energy I used to waste trying to connect, being mistreated (yet AGAIN), being angry...that whole cycle was diverting energy away from healing myself. Enjoying my kids and my life. Learning to be with people who *have* and *respect* boundaries.

We can't build our 1/2 of the bridge farther than the middle of the chasm. If they aren't building their side, every time we try to build ours further, it'll just keep taking it ALL down.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Heather,

You may have answered this already but how much of what you think and feel about his words does your t know, in the moment?
Therapists are not mindreaders. It has taken an awful lot of therapy for me to truly get that. We may have an internal idea of what we expect from out therapist but the truth is that every one of us is unique and a t can only help us if we let them in. They can only learn what upsets us if we let them know in the moment.What upset you may not upset someone else and vise versa.

Assertivness is key.

I also want to say it is unlikely he is sticking up for your mother and he is proabably rather looking after your interests. He is trying to help you let go of something that is causing you more hurt. Would realising that make you feel less hurt? Are you wanting him to be indignant for you like noone was when you were a child?

You don't have to forgive or forget a wrong in order to find acceptance.

Acceptance is abouut knowing something or someone was/is wrong and not trying to get them or it to change.
Really damaged people sometimes don't have the ability to be self aware. Waiting for that to happen and being upset when it does not is the equivilant of hitting your head against a brick wall repeatedly and never learning it hurts. .

I hope that makes some sense! :)

 

[Heather]

Hi Abstract -

He didn't know any of it because I hadn't seen him in 5 weeks. But last week I called him and we talked. I told him some of the things that had been bothering over the phone. This thread has helped me a lot to get rid of the anger that I had toward him. So, I was able to talk out what was bothering me with him without putting either one of us on the defensive.

Then when I saw him last Tuesday we talked more and from now on I'm going to make a list of what I want to talk about for each session and bring it in. I did it this week and it worked out well. Even with some stuff that I really was uncomfortable talking about i.e. my ability/or lack their of in trusting him.

So, the list is a really good thing because I always have stuff that I want to talk to him about but I usually never bring it up and this way if it's written down and I give it to him. It's like I'm kinda forced to talk about it. No more avoiding. Did I just say that?

 

[becvan]

Yes you did and WELL DONE! :)

bec

 

[Abstract]

That is AMAZING and the foundation of an honest and healthy relationship. Well done to you! I do list too by the way.

 

[Heather]

I do list too by the way.

The list is a good thing to do and my therapist agrees. Especially since one of my biggest complaints was that he was running his own agenda in our sessions. Now, that I'm bringing in the list and we stick to it there's no more of him telling me what we can and can't talk about.

So, it works out well. I don't avoid and he can't tell me what I can and can't talk about.

 

[Tinyflame]

Heather, I think that's great! It seems so often it takes so much 'thought'/ trial and error/ even pain (and self-rejection), to think of things in a different way. You should be really proud of doing so. And to know that things are so fluid- perspectives can change.

P.S- Calvin and Hobbes is one of my favorites ;); if I had kids I'd want 'those kind' (:eek:),- my favorite- crazy as it sounds, lol.

 

[Heather]

I've come to some realizations about myself, my therapist and therapy in general.

I have spent the last 2 years of therapy avoiding at all costs.

I've given my therapist all kinds of grief and blamed him for my lack of progress.

I also realize that I was the one standing in the way of him doing his job. Not the other way around.

When I allow him to do his job, he does it very, very, well.

I've been so angry at other's (perhaps justifiably so) but refusing to recognize that true healing comes from within.

My therapist and I have agreed that there will be NO more blaming of others. (totally no fun).

I am 100% responsible for my feelings, actions and behavior.:rolleyes::p

This is a turning point in my life. True healing has begun. This is the longest time I have ever been in therapy with the same person and the longest I've ever consistently been on medication -- 2 tremendous feats NOT to be taken lightly. I am definitely proud of myself.

 

[Lucycat]

Well done Heather.
I can see some of those problems within myself but have not yet been as open as you.
Perhaps soon?

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((((Heather)))))))

ROCK ON, GIRLFRIEND!!!! You DESERVE to be proud!

Your daughter is so lucky to have you as her Mommy! :>

 

[Brontie]

Yes, anger must be dealt with... not avoided IMHO. Anger is not an emotion, its an emotional response, which means if you are talking about anger, you must find the under pinning emotion that is causing it, and that is what you deal with, thus anger no longer exists. Avoid it... it continues to rule. I agree with you... it cannot be avoided or dismissed if it is interfering with your daily life.

Anthony,

Would you explain what you mean when you say that anger is not an emotion. I’m working with psych-doc on this and she is all over anger being an emotional response to certain events and situation. I’ve always believed that anger is an emotion as is sadness and happiness.

 

[Brontie]

I hope this doesn’t derail the thread but I'm confused. Psych-doc and I have covered this a lot. Here's the gist of what I can remember of what she said.

Anger is a valuable human emotion that may be constructive or destructive… Some people try to deny their anger believing it to be a bad or negative trait… If we don't express our anger constructively then we will experience it in a regressive form - a childlike way with little or no control.

Do you have an article on Anger?