The longer I am on this site the more I realize the amount of cross over these topics have with each other. I am anxious, not depressed really but shaking with anxiety. I did yoga for the first time today ever in my life. and mediation. I have been avoiding doing this for since I can remember. I don't like being by myself in my own head. To the point I dope myself up every night with otc sleeping pills.
I finally did it though. I made it through the whole class. I'm starting to be less anxious too so that's nice. The whole first half of the class was suicidal ideation, self deprecation and overwhelming waves of emotion that crushed me over and over again.
I'm going to keep doing this. I plan on going back Wednesday. For those who were in the chat with me today I hope we all learned the lesson that I did before going. I think simon brought up the point but if not I'm sorry I don't remember. But this is the best way to recover. Short term pain leads to long term relief.
So much stuff is happening this week good days the worst day in 4 years at least and good and bad days. I took a step today. A big step. My mom was there too. She didn't realize how I was until I started talking. I can't hide stuff like how I was feeling after for very long though I wish I could.
She was proud of me and told me multiple times. Told me how big of a step this was. I"m proud of myself even if I feel so anxious I want to cry.
I'm sorry. I already said it to my mom multiple times the past 3 days. I'm still sorry. Idk to who or why but I am. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for this whole shitstorm I am in. Thank you all for being here for me. much love, Buddey.
I finally did it though. I made it through the whole class. I'm starting to be less anxious too so that's nice. The whole first half of the class was suicidal ideation, self deprecation and overwhelming waves of emotion that crushed me over and over again.
I'm going to keep doing this. I plan on going back Wednesday. For those who were in the chat with me today I hope we all learned the lesson that I did before going. I think simon brought up the point but if not I'm sorry I don't remember. But this is the best way to recover. Short term pain leads to long term relief.
So much stuff is happening this week good days the worst day in 4 years at least and good and bad days. I took a step today. A big step. My mom was there too. She didn't realize how I was until I started talking. I can't hide stuff like how I was feeling after for very long though I wish I could.
She was proud of me and told me multiple times. Told me how big of a step this was. I"m proud of myself even if I feel so anxious I want to cry.
I'm sorry. I already said it to my mom multiple times the past 3 days. I'm still sorry. Idk to who or why but I am. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for this whole shitstorm I am in. Thank you all for being here for me. much love, Buddey.
